Ex-fiancee's Mom wants loan paid back ASAP. Ughhh.

posted 11 months ago in Emotional
Post # 2
820 posts
Busy bee

I’m really sorry for you that’s difficult to deal with on top of everything else but hopefully this is a lesson for the future. Do not borrow money from friends/relatives. Honestly just don’t do it. People may disagree with me here but I’d rather put the payment on a credit card and pay some interest or go through a dental office that allows payment plans than take a personal loan from someone. Keep business business.

Post # 3
488 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I don’t blame her for asking you to pay the loan off sooner.  It also may be in your interest so you can fully cut ties with them.  Obviously, everyone is hurting, so try not to take her email too hard.  Can you pick up some extra work in the next month to come up with the money?

Post # 5
1905 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

I’d ask what she meant and tell her your side. Then say you’ll do your best to pay it off ASAP, but you might need two months.


Post # 6
4230 posts
Honey bee

She can want a lot of things. I want peace in the middle East. But I’m not going to get what I want and your ex-MIL may not get what she wants, which is all her money by January. I would make sure she knows what happened and what kind of fiancee her daughter was and continue paying her back on the schedule you agreed to. I’m guessing there’s no paper that you signed describing the loan and payment plan. Considering the actions of her daughter, a less honorable individual in your shoes might see fit to stop payments altogether. 

Just take a deep breath

Post # 7
3539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

It sucks, but now that you are broken up, I get why she’d want the money back asap. And it’s probably better for you too to just cut that tie and be done. As for what her mom thinks of the breakup or whose fault it is, it really doesn’t matter.

Post # 8
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Scotts ~ Walnut Creek

I’m willing to bet she’s been misinformed or a lot of truth was omitted from your break up and its contributing to her demand. Depending on how close you are I would plainly state the actual reasons for your break up in your reply while also letting her know you’re doing your best to repay the loan asap and see how she responds.

But in your shoes I wouldn’t exhaust myself trying to get it done or allow it to become my main financial priority. You’ve kept up your end of the agreement without fail. Whats she going to do, sue you for $1400? Highly doubt it. That would be a waste of time and money on her end.

Post # 9
1979 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Sussex, UK

In 6 days you’ve suspected cheating, broken up and moved out. Now at a very emotional time you are being pushed to pay back a not insignificant amount of money. This would stress me the he’ll out . How are you ciping in general?

Post # 10
6787 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Do you have an agreement in writing?

I’m sure she hasn’t heard the whole story but I don’t know what you have to gain by sharing. Do your best to pay it back as quickly as possible so that you may move on with your life. You’ll get through all of this and come out in a better place on the other side, even if it doesn’t always seem that way. Hugs.

Post # 11
558 posts
Busy bee

Tell her the reason you broke up was because Mandy cheated on you and you are surprised she has been led to believe otherwise. If you’re paying 500 a month you should be done in 3 months? Point this out to her and tell her you will try to pay it sooner but at the moment it is not financially possible to have it paid back by 15th Jan. It would be great to cut all ties but don’t  put yourself under pressure. I’m sorry you’re going through this.

Post # 12
1126 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

sallyloves90 :  She’s probably been told a lot of misinformation. I wouldn’t put myself under financial stress to get it paid back by the 15th. Pick up whatever OT you can and pay back as much as possible. Don’t get into a slinging match over who did what, you won’t win. Just try not to let it get to you. Can’t really blame mom for wanting it paid back asap but you can only try your best. 

Post # 13
9042 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

You have zero to gain from telling her your side and it could make it worse (as in she calls in the immediately instead of by 15).

Make sure there is an electronic trail to paying back the money just in case.

Post # 14
1891 posts
Buzzing bee

I say you reply to her email and expressly tell her that you love and adore their family but her daughters own actions of cheating on you is what caused all this anguish. That you are in no way responsible for her behavior and that dealing with the family’s hurt is her responsibility. Then state that you will be sticking to the payment plan outlined when you agreed to the loan and that she will get her money back and you remain grateful for that support. 

You most likely had a verbal agreement for that loan. You have stuck to that agreement and she has ZERO case for making you suddenly owe it all back ASAP. That’s not how loans by verbal agreement work. She has no grounds for insisting on immediate payment. Let her know you will stick to the plan as agreed on. Everyone knows loaning money to friends and family isn’t a good idea for this reason. She offered you the loan. Her daughter is the one that caused the relationship to end. She can hassle her daughter in future. Keep sending payments as planned and block them all after sending that email. 


sallyloves90 :  

Post # 15
1607 posts
Bumble bee

I would tell her you are going to try your best but cannot guarantee that you will be able to pay it all back by her requested date and leave it at that. I wouldn’t get into it with her about your breakup. It won’t go over well to tell her that her daughter is a cheater.

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