Post # 1
So, as some of you know my engagement just ended due to my ex cheating on me. To say it has been hard since this happened, has been an understatement. But I am getting through it but today it is like I have been dealt another blow. So, 3 months ago I had to have some dental surgery and I do not have dental insurance (insurance is not offered at my job). The surgery was very expensive and I did not have the means to pay for it. My ex’s mother offered to loan me the money, which was beyond generous and we agreed that I would pay a portion each month (the surgery was thousands of dollars) to pay back the loan. I have been timely with my payments, oftentimes paying more than the initial amount and I now I still owe her about $1400. Well, my ex’s mother sent me an email this morning saying that now that my ex and I broke up, she would like the rest of the loan paid in full by January 15. So, essentially I am going from paying approximately $500 (like I said, sometimes I pay a little more if I can) a month, to now she wants it all by mid-January. I told her I would try my best, but I couldn’t help but wonder why she was being so cold to me all of a sudden (this is incredibly out of character for her). So, I didn’t outright ask in my response email, but instead I just reiterated how financially tight it has been for me since the break-up. She THEN responded with: “Well, I think I am just hurt at your part in this break-up and how you have hurt my daughter and our family who loved you”. Uhhh?! What! Her daughter is the one that caused this break-up; she cheated on me. I have not responded to this email, because I don’t even know what to say. I am not interested in a knock down, drag-out fight over who did what-I just want to move on with my life. I know what Mandy (my ex) did was probably deflect when she was telling her Mom about the break-up, to try and ease some of her guilt. Was I a perfect fiancée? No. But I never cheated; I never broke that trust. Ughhhh.
Post # 2
I’m really sorry for you that’s difficult to deal with on top of everything else but hopefully this is a lesson for the future. Do not borrow money from friends/relatives. Honestly just don’t do it. People may disagree with me here but I’d rather put the payment on a credit card and pay some interest or go through a dental office that allows payment plans than take a personal loan from someone. Keep business business.
Post # 3
I don’t blame her for asking you to pay the loan off sooner. It also may be in your interest so you can fully cut ties with them. Obviously, everyone is hurting, so try not to take her email too hard. Can you pick up some extra work in the next month to come up with the money?
Post # 4
rak32098 : Thanks bees. Yes, I am definitely pick up some OT and you are right about cutting ties sooner…just sucks but I will manage!!!
Post # 5
I’d ask what she meant and tell her your side. Then say you’ll do your best to pay it off ASAP, but you might need two months.
Post # 6
She can want a lot of things. I want peace in the middle East. But I’m not going to get what I want and your ex-MIL may not get what she wants, which is all her money by January. I would make sure she knows what happened and what kind of fiancee her daughter was and continue paying her back on the schedule you agreed to. I’m guessing there’s no paper that you signed describing the loan and payment plan. Considering the actions of her daughter, a less honorable individual in your shoes might see fit to stop payments altogether.
Just take a deep breath
Post # 7
It sucks, but now that you are broken up, I get why she’d want the money back asap. And it’s probably better for you too to just cut that tie and be done. As for what her mom thinks of the breakup or whose fault it is, it really doesn’t matter.
Post # 8
- Wedding: Scotts ~ Walnut Creek
I’m willing to bet she’s been misinformed or a lot of truth was omitted from your break up and its contributing to her demand. Depending on how close you are I would plainly state the actual reasons for your break up in your reply while also letting her know you’re doing your best to repay the loan asap and see how she responds.
But in your shoes I wouldn’t exhaust myself trying to get it done or allow it to become my main financial priority. You’ve kept up your end of the agreement without fail. Whats she going to do, sue you for $1400? Highly doubt it. That would be a waste of time and money on her end.
Post # 9
- Wedding: May 2016 - Sussex, UK
In 6 days you’ve suspected cheating, broken up and moved out. Now at a very emotional time you are being pushed to pay back a not insignificant amount of money. This would stress me the he’ll out . How are you ciping in general?
Post # 10
Do you have an agreement in writing?
I’m sure she hasn’t heard the whole story but I don’t know what you have to gain by sharing. Do your best to pay it back as quickly as possible so that you may move on with your life. You’ll get through all of this and come out in a better place on the other side, even if it doesn’t always seem that way. Hugs.
Post # 11
Tell her the reason you broke up was because Mandy cheated on you and you are surprised she has been led to believe otherwise. If you’re paying 500 a month you should be done in 3 months? Point this out to her and tell her you will try to pay it sooner but at the moment it is not financially possible to have it paid back by 15th Jan. It would be great to cut all ties but don’t put yourself under pressure. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
Post # 12
sallyloves90 : She’s probably been told a lot of misinformation. I wouldn’t put myself under financial stress to get it paid back by the 15th. Pick up whatever OT you can and pay back as much as possible. Don’t get into a slinging match over who did what, you won’t win. Just try not to let it get to you. Can’t really blame mom for wanting it paid back asap but you can only try your best.
Post # 13
You have zero to gain from telling her your side and it could make it worse (as in she calls in the immediately instead of by 15).
Make sure there is an electronic trail to paying back the money just in case.
Post # 14
I say you reply to her email and expressly tell her that you love and adore their family but her daughters own actions of cheating on you is what caused all this anguish. That you are in no way responsible for her behavior and that dealing with the family’s hurt is her responsibility. Then state that you will be sticking to the payment plan outlined when you agreed to the loan and that she will get her money back and you remain grateful for that support.
You most likely had a verbal agreement for that loan. You have stuck to that agreement and she has ZERO case for making you suddenly owe it all back ASAP. That’s not how loans by verbal agreement work. She has no grounds for insisting on immediate payment. Let her know you will stick to the plan as agreed on. Everyone knows loaning money to friends and family isn’t a good idea for this reason. She offered you the loan. Her daughter is the one that caused the relationship to end. She can hassle her daughter in future. Keep sending payments as planned and block them all after sending that email.
Post # 15
I would tell her you are going to try your best but cannot guarantee that you will be able to pay it all back by her requested date and leave it at that. I wouldn’t get into it with her about your breakup. It won’t go over well to tell her that her daughter is a cheater.