Ex-fiancee's Mom wants loan paid back ASAP. Ughhh.

posted 11 months ago in Emotional
Post # 16
1028 posts
Bumble bee

Unfortunately, I wouldn’t put it past someone who believes their daughter has been “wronged” from outright misinformation and “victim” picture painting to sue you for the 1400. If it were me, I would if you stopped payments. Not only that, but it isn’t her fault that her daughter is a jerk. She gave you money in an act of trust based on the relationship at the time, with the understanding that you would repay it. I don’t like the “don’t repay it” suggestions in this thread.

I think it was kind of her to extend that opportunity for you to fix your dental problems. There are credit cards and care credit and dental office repayment plans that could have been options for you. Neither of you could have predicted the turn your relationship took. I suggest continuing to pay the agreed upon amount per month, and letting her know that the money will be returned to her despite the change in relationship status. There’s no need to get into details about who did what in your relationship, or bankrupt yourself paying off the loan in a shorter window. It sounds like she is asking for it to be paid off one month sooner than your repayment plan would be.



Post # 17
12207 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

She has no leverage over you to ask for the money back any sooner than you agreed upon. Pay it off sooner if you can or don’t if you can’t. I’d tell her that you are more sorry than anyone that the wedding had to be called off so unexpectedly and so close to the date, but that apparently she’s been given some serious misinformation. 

Post # 18
473 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2018 - City Hall

That’s less than a month notice… Plus it’s like the most costly time of year! I would have told her the same, that I’d do my best, but no promises. 

It sounds to me like your ex didn’t tell her about the cheating… 

I certainly wouldn’t start going into a defensive back and forth (as much as I’d like to!). 

Keep the focus on the issue at hand and update her if you need more time. 

Post # 19
4184 posts
Honey bee

notmeeither :  No one is telling her to stop payments. I said continue them as agreed on prior to the split. As for suing the OP, good luck with that. No written contract, plenty of evidence of regular payments, I can’t imagine it would amount to anything. The point is the mother can’t make the OP give her the money. She’s going to have to settle for it being paid back in installments. Without a formal agreement she has no choice.

Post # 20
2687 posts
Sugar bee

dup. my computer has the hiccups/\.

Post # 21
638 posts
Busy bee

Does her mom know that she cheated? I read your OP but haven’t kept it with updates so sorry if you’ve answered that before.
It kinda comes off to me like Mandy might have spun a different story to mommy dearest. 

Post # 23
1028 posts
Bumble bee

sunburn :  Reading quickly, I mistook “a less honorable” person would stop all together as a suggestion, and typed a response while many others were responding as well. I see that is not the tone of this thread, now, after reading additional comments.

It would be strange and unnecessary to take someone to court in an attempt to force them to pay a debt early. I wasn’t suggesting that. I mentioned that I personally would attempt to if they decided to stop payment all together because of the actions of someone else. In that case, I would think that a medical bill, a history of repayment and then a sudden cease of payment, followed by an e-mail request for the remaining funds and a response acknowledging that she intends to continue to pay would be enough background to show that OP intended to receive the money as a loan, whether it was written in a contract or not. I’m not in the legal field, so I have no idea.

Either way my comment was not an attack against the thread or other posters, and certainly not against OP who is in a bad position after facing some serious hurt. Thank you for pointing out clarification on what you had written because I did interpret that differently when I read it the first time.

Post # 24
1631 posts
Bumble bee

You’re not obligated to pay her back sooner. And don’t make any promises in writing to do so. You’ve got it seems like 2.5 months left to pay? Just keep paying those payments (more if you can swing it, but don’t stress). It would cost her more in legal fees to try to recoup this and she’s just trying to be petty. Don’t engage, just keep sending the checks as you can until it’s done and make sure to keep good records of it in case she tires to squabble later.  I used Bank of America, and it actually records digitally all outgoing checks I make for me in my account. 

I would not bother filling her in on Mandy’s behavior. Maybe something vague like “Yes, I am heartbroken too that I was forced to end it”, but don’t get into it with her it’ll just get ugly. 

Post # 25
7416 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Remind her that it’s not legal to change the terms of an agreement without the consent of both parties. Let her know that you’ll continue to pay following the original terms. Don’t get into the reasons your relationship with her daughter ended. Make sure you create a paper trail of your payments.

Post # 26
3376 posts
Sugar bee

She’s an unsecured creditor so she has little standing. Continue to pay her back as you have been doing (and agreed to) and don’t let it stress you out. You did nothing wrong. 

Post # 27
428 posts
Helper bee

You dont need to pay her back right away. Especially if you have no written agreement


To the bees saying you should have used a credit card, care credit or a dental office that takes payments (which I have never ever heard of ) you clearly come from a walk of life that allows you to have always had access to credit. I understand taking a personal loan as there was a time when I couldn’t qualify for care credit or any credit card with a limit over $250. Not everyone has access to unlimited credit card funds, or even any sometimes. 

Post # 29
1206 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - -

“Your daughter broke my heart by cheating on me and making sure I could never trust her again. I’ll do everything I can to pay back the money by the date you want, but don’t you dare accuse me of having hurt your daughter.”

And then I probably would never speak to either of them again about any of these former matters. It’s over! I get very, very angry when someone accuses me of doing something I did not do.

So, maybe my response wouldn’t be advised by someone wiser, more rational, but that would be the last fucking straw for me. And of course it’s her mom who has sympathy for her because your ex is lying to her, too! 

Post # 30
1005 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

sallyloves90 :  This sucks :/ Can you take cash out of a credit card or a different loan and just settle the debt with her? Venmo from a credit card?


I think what you’ll pay in interest is worth putting this whole thing to rest. The sooner you can cut all ties, the sooner you can fully heal. 

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