- 5 years ago
This was posted in “Bridesmaid” originally, but thought it was better suited here.
I created this post a few weeks ago that basically says that my friend of 10 years has stopped talking to me after finding out she isn’t a member of my bridal party.
In short: I’ve known her for 10 years, we used to be very close. She was fun, outgoing, dependable, and someone that everybody wanted to be around. Over the last 5-6 years the friendship progressively faded because of her bad habits (e.g. she would isolate herself in a very long distance online romance, alcohol abuse, psychological issues, etc). Through this time I did my best to understand her, still would meet up with her and check in on her every now again to see how she is doing.
Update: I informed her that she wasn’t a member of my bridal party early on to avoid her finding her in a backwards or hurtful way later on. It was followed by a lot of silence, and invitations from me weeks later to talk about it over coffee. Well, I guess a storm was brewing below because when I finally heard from her it was a lot of “F*** this, F*** that,” basically being really disrespectful and that I was “telling her how to feel.”
I get that she’s upset. In her mind I am ranking her as a friend, which isn’t true at all. I’ve expressed my care, love, and want for her to be involved beforehand. I personally wouldn’t take it this way, because a mutual friend is my Maid/Matron of Honor and I wasn’t even in her wedding. I don’t need a title to validate the friendship.
Now I am the one that has been silent, because I’m very surprised at her hostility. I broke down in the middle of a restaurant at her responses, when I was trying to let her know I didn’t want her to be hurt. Which is probably the first time I’ve stood up for myself since High School. I simply deleted the text message. She sent me a group Facebook message (only one other person, my MOH) over Christmas about getting together and that she “missed us all, can’t wait to see us, bought us gifts” I was beyond upset, since the last I heard from her it was about thirty F*** bombs related to my wedding. I can’t say I am surprised at the 180 degree emotional turn (I did say she had psychological issues), but again, I left the group chat. I didn’t have a response. I needed time to figure out if this is worth fixing. She really thinks I BOUGHT her a Christmas gift? That I want to SEE her?
She found out that I left the conversation. Sparks flew. “F*** this, F*** that, I just wanted to give you guys F******* presents.” My Maid/Matron of Honor (who is in the middle) told her that I needed time, and that it should be an intimate conversation and not a three-person group Christmas present exchange. She still won’t understand, or is willing to do this. Then, she wished me a Happy New Year last night. She is so BACK AND FORTH. I am so confused, what a roller coaster ride from hell!
I’m wondering if anyone else out there has been through a similar situation where the friendship has completely haulted due to a wedding title, or especially someone with this kind of perception? Thank you for reading this crazy drama.