(Closed) Ex-Gf Drama (Vent alert)

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
9887 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Papillion:   What makes this a tricky situation is there’s a child involved.  Does your SO have legal visitation rights?  If not, he needs to get that established right away.  Under any other circumstances he could just block her and hopefully be done with it.  But since he has a child with her he has no choice but to stay in some kind of contact or she could try to withhold visitation.

He needs to make it clear to her that he will not respond to anything inappropriate from her.  Then he needs to simply ignore anything she says or does that doesn’t involve his child.  Sooner or later she’ll get the message and move on to someone else.  The sooner your SO has legal rights to his child, established by a court, the better.

Post # 5
Member
428 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Your situation has some similarities to mine.  My SO’s ex has been through quite a few men since I’ve known her (known her from a distance).  Although her most recent boyfriend she has been with the longest.  He is very normal, nice, and good looking!  Meanwhile I see her as the opposite of that!  Sounds bad I know.

The best advice I can give is to keep on ignoring her in those situations.  Your SO is doing the right thing.  She needs and wants attention badly.  If your SO doesn’t provide it, I’m sure she’ll look elsewhere.  Of course she’ll come back for more but it will be temporary as long as she doesn’t get what she’s looking for.  Pathetic but what can you do?

 

Post # 6
Member
4523 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Papillion:  I agree, it sucks a kid is involved in this.

 

My boyfriend lived with/dated a girl for 5 years and they broke up over a year before we started dating.  She moved away after they split but moved back right around when he and I got together and continued to hang out with “the group”.  I was very nice to her and she was very nice to me, but something felt wierd.  Like the first time I met her at a happy hour, she looked at my Boyfriend or Best Friend and said “At least THIS one is HOT! I mean, if you’re not going to be with ME, at least be with someone HOTTER than me!….kidding!”  It was a big red flag. 

 

She got my number and texted me constantly and my Boyfriend or Best Friend said he recieved texts from her too. I felt like it was all a ploy but couldnt prove it….until one day when I mentioned to a mutual friend that the ex and i were friendly.  The friend made this awful face and said “What? What are you THINKING? You KNOW she wants to get back with him, right? She’s told like 5 people.”  Since she didnt have proof, I kind of tabled it.  Then not a week after that, we were at a big game night at someones house and the ex wasnt there.  I was chatting in the kitchen with yet another friend in the group when she said “It’s SOOO nice that you and ______ are able to get along so well….especially with her being so uncomfortable with ya’ll dating.” 

 

I knew it, and I was starting to get proof. The icing on the cake was a text message forwarded to me by the first mutual friend. In it, the ex called me an idiot and said that I’d be “history” before I knew it and she and my Boyfriend or Best Friend would be back where they left off. Needless to say, we quit talking to her and she eventually moved.

 

My advice is to go with your gut and don’t let your guard down. 

Post # 7
Member
847 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

@Papillion:  Ugh, what a frustrating situation. I think the only thing you can really do is be civil to her, it sucks but she is the mother of his child. I also think some boundaries need to be set up, but if anybody is going to do it it has to be SO. It’s probably better if you’re not there too because if you are she might think this is entirely your doing and that you’re forcing SO to do these things. It’s important that she doesn’t feel ganged up on and understands that it’s SO saying this- not you. You guys are going to be in each others lives for a long time so hostility really won’t help anybody. 

Bottom line: be polite and let SO handle it. You don’t have to be this girl’s BFF, but showing her that you’re not trying to split up her family and oush her (and by extension her child) out if SO’s life will probably make her feel less hostile towards you. I think that it’s important SO handles where the boundaries are set because, like I said, she needs to hear it coming from him and realise that he’s not available romantically to her. Just remember that you’re doing this for the sake of SO’s son. He deserves for his parents to be able to have a functional platonic relationship with each other. 

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