Ex Girlfriend at Wedding?

posted 1 year ago in Guests
  • poll: Should we invite her to our wedding?
    Yes : (26 votes)
    17 %
    No : (113 votes)
    75 %
    Maybe : (11 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 76
    Member
    2105 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    I’m surprised by how many people only invited friends both the bride and groom knew to their wedding. We had many people on both sides that were only known to one of us (and even some of the opposite sex, though no exes). Maybe it’s because we are in our 40’s, but we both have friends from different phases of our lives that now live far away. While we we don’t usually get a chance to visit, we are still in regular touch through technology. I loved the chance to meet FI’s childhood, highschool, college, and law school friends who I haven’t had a chance to meet in the 6 years we’ve been together. The same for him.

    That being said, this woman has already caused some drama with comments about her dreams, etc., so I wouldn’t be too keen on inviting her.

    Post # 77
    Member
    984 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

     I had an ex at my wedding.   We were friends before we dated and figured out after a couple months that we didn’t work together as anything more than friends.   Nbd.  He knows my husband and we occasionally all hang out together.   Having him at our wedding didn’t feel disrespectful or weird and my husband was too busy having fun to sit and think about how him and I dated way back when.  Just wanted to throw an alternative perspective in to counter the, nobody should ever have contact with an ex ever, crowd.  That said, if you’re not on board with inviting her then speak up.  

    Post # 78
    Member
    1525 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

    I literally only read the headline and already my answer is hell no.  Not a thing.

    Post # 79
    Member
    1011 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    ladyjane123 :  well i found that they were chatting online via Google instant messenger which was fine and all buddy buddy at first until she asked if he happened to still have an explicit photo of her preforming oral sex on him. Then she went on to tell him how he was such an amazing guy and basically the one that got away…so I offered to find the photo for her and forward that along with her conversation with my husband to her husband and family. I was none too pleased. The only reason i forgave him was he did engage in any longing feelings towards her or anything sexual in the messages but because he did divulged other intimate details of our life with her I was ready for divorce. 

    He cut all communication with her and has not messed up since (that I know of)

    Post # 80
    Member
    1888 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Oh wow!! Yeah see that temptation in my opinion is why it’s not worth it to stay friends with exes when your in a relationship or married. Or even have close friends of the opposite sex. 

    So impressed with you telling her you would send the photo to her husband! Go you! What did she say to that? I totally would have sent it regardless lol. 

     

    KKJohnson :  

    Post # 81
    Member
    1167 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2019

    I don’t think there is a hard and fast rule on inviting ex’s – it really depends on the unique situation. But the thing that stands out to me most is that you are not comfortable with it, and for that reason she should not be invited.

    Post # 82
    Member
    1011 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    ladyjane123 :  i think she went on about how involving her family would be devestating to her and them or something like that. Its been so long now that I forget and I never responded to her again after my initial contact because I said my peace and as far as I know all contact was broken. I am pretty sure he doesnt have the photo anyways.  My husband went on to tell he how she was battling some depression and mental issues, so who knows if this was caused from a lapse of being off her meds or somethings (not being rude or dismissive about mental disorders, my sister is the same way)

    Post # 83
    Member
    1888 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Thanks for sharing! Very interesting. Sorry that happened to you!

     

    KKJohnson :  

    Post # 84
    Member
    623 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

    If he really wants to invite her, I’d invite her. She’d be bringing her boyfriend after all. I had a similar number of people at my wedding and I didn’t even manage to say hello to some of them :-S With 100 people, say your reception goes on for 4 hours, you’d be lucky to get 60 seconds chatting to each person what with eating and dancing etc. 

    Having said that, I’d probably also chat to my fi about how I felt about it, if I felt uneasy. I do know people who invited exes to their weddings and it was fine. I also know others who wouldn’t have invited their ex for anything! Depends a lot on the specific situation imo.

    Post # 85
    Member
    13 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: January 2019

    This is a big, fat, NOPE!

    You do not want the attention to be taken off of you and put on her. 

    Post # 86
    Member
    10997 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: City, State

    lololpop23 :  

    No.  Just no.

    The ex’s presence is not required at your wedding.  And it would add nothing but anxiety and unnecessary drama.

    This will be the biggest day of your life, you won’t want to spend it with one eye on the ex, trying to speed read body language.

    Your fiancé certainly has a right to invite his friends.  But, you have veto power and vice versa.

    Don’t wrap yourself around the axel trying to be the Cool Girl.

    Post # 87
    Member
    733 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I would say no, mainly due to the fact that you haven’t met her and are not comfortable with it. Your Fiance should respect your feelings on this. 

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