(Closed) Ex has gone crazy… family hates me… advice, please?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

How scary!  Here is how I would proceed:

1. change your phone number or have his number blocked

2. respond to the facebook message saying “I’m sorry you feel that way but we are adults and this is between him and I.”

3. unfriend and block anyone on facebook who is related to him/was his friend first (including him obviously)

4. file a no contact order if you’re able to (should be fun given he’s a police officer).  If you can’t get a no contact order then at least file a report saying he has been harassing you so it is on file. 

5. Send him a text or e-mail (somewhere written so you have proof) asking him to stop contacting you in every way. 

Don’t engage him – eventually he will go away (unless he’s totally bat shit crazy and dangerous!). My ex did this to me at first…showed up at the restaurant I was at with a date when he found out I was on a date there. Also showed up at my apartment when I wouldnt answer his calls/texts begging me not to go on a date. Eventually he stopped and went away after a few weeks ignoring him.

 

 

Post # 4
Member
1226 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

and he basically went on a tirade about how I’m a horrible person and a piece of a shit and a whore for being with another guy so soon

this new guy was going to cheat on me and treat me like shit and I will deserve it

Oh my goodness! First of all, him talking to you that way is NOT okay. I understand that emotions were crazy, but man, does he have to be such a jerk?

If he is a good man, he will realize this with time. He will look back and admit to himself that him talking to you like that, pushed you away more than anything…

As for his parents, I would let it go… You don’t need to defend yourself to them; you know what kind of person you are and you don’t need to justify yourself in petty conversations…

I know it’s hard to just walk away from this, but that is my advice. Give it a little time and it will get easier to just take a deep breath when you think about this, let it go, and move on with your day.

I firmly believe that the truth will surface over time. His parents have known you a long time and they know what kind of person you truly are, they are just being shadowed by their son’s hurt right now…

Post # 5
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@MrsWBS:  I agree with everything that you said. I would only do things in a different order. Send the email to him asking him not to contact you in any way ever again. And then if he does, get the no contact order.

Post # 6
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@talljabride:  totally! I didn’t put it in order – should have.  Also, the facebook message is not necessary at all but I just couldn’t take not responding! I need to have the last word! lol

Post # 7
Member
8883 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@O.My.Heart:  +1

Sorry you’re going through this 🙁

Post # 8
Member
4951 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Tinymight: 

First of all, he’s a police officer and should not use his profession to stalk the  background of the person you are seeing.

Second – he’s a grown man, but has his parents contacting you to tell you their thoughts?!

This morning I woke up to a Facebook message from his Dad that says, “You have just about killed my son. We are all very hurt and dissappointed in you. Do not respond.”

Yeah – nice way for his dad to “hit and run” by getting involved, saying something rude, and then saying don’t respond.

Personally, though I know it’s probably not the right thing to do, I would respond to him (though not on FB were everyone can read your business). It just irks me when people do those hit and runs. I would simply say “I have cared about your family for many years, but ex/so’s and my breakup really isn’t up for discussion. We’ve broken up and I’m moving on with my life.”

My ex husband tried to pull crap with me when we broke up (even though he’s the one who cheated and moved to another city where his MUCH younger girlfriend lived). I can only imagine the way he spun the whole situation to his parents (who were my inlaws for 16 years). However, they did congratulate me when they found out I got remarried.

What a douche. Him and his dad. Delete him from your FB.

 

 

Post # 9
Member
12 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Davis Island Garden Club

@talljabride  I agree!  It is important to cut all communication ASAP!

 

Post # 10
Member
2440 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Even if the only thing you do in this is to contact the police about his stalking and harrassment, do that. This guy is taking his authority from his job too far, and he sounds like he’s two steps fromt he deep end (with a gun…)

Post # 11
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I know this is saddening to deal with now, but just think of it as a window into who this guy really is. Bascially he’s put the nail in the coffin and proved you dodged a bullet.

I had an ex who called. A lot. Harassingly, at times. I just stopped answering when I saw his number. I would block him and his family on FB, never answer any calls from them. You are not going to be able to be friends with him again. It sucks, but that’s how break-ups usually end.

Post # 12
Member
1132 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Pretty sure it’s illegal for Police to run plates on someone for personal reasons. You could report him for that and harassing you. I would definitely break all contact with him and his family.

Post # 13
Member
4951 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Asia:  Even if the only thing you do in this is to contact the police about his stalking and harrassment, do that. This guy is taking his authority from his job too far, and he sounds like he’s two steps fromt he deep end (with a gun…)

Exactly! A girlfriend of mine was dating a cop back in college and she eventually had to contact internal affairs because of his harrassment. He stalked her, broke into her car one night and dumped the contents across her lawn, even pulled a gun on her during sex one time, like it was some crazy sexual game to him (that was before the other stuff, but was the last straw). Unbelievable!

Post # 14
Member
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

@MrsWBS:  +1

cut all ties with him because it will only get worse. It seems pretty clear that things are over between you and him so just break all ties. It’s hard when you have been with someone for so long. When my BIL got divorced, my inlaws would still talk to her on the phone. Then things got ugly and my inlaws got involved too. Then they both moved on and my inlaws just looked like idiots LOL! The moral of the story, is do not follow along. Just ignore and move on! 

Post # 15
Member
2188 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

@MrsWBS:+1 I agree with everything she said.

Also @Calihoya has a good point, cops can’t just run plates etc for personal stalking reasons. I would report him for that and harrassing you if he doesn’t stop.

Post # 16
Member
4333 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

If I were you, I’d be so tempted to respond to the Facebook message, but it’s probably best if you ignore it.  Then, like the others said, don’t communicate with him and his family,

I would give the ex one more chance to leave you alone. If he does anything else close to harrassment (phone calls, showing up at your house/work, facebook messages, anything), then call the police to report the harrassment and running the plates.

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