- 5 years ago
A little back story first. It’s a little long, sorry bees!
I got married to my high school sweetheart when I was 19 years old. We had been dating since I was 14 and he was 16. He joined the Marine Corps which is probably why we rushed into marriage. At the time no one could talk me out of it because I was mature and KNEW I was ready for marriage (WRONG). He was my first kiss, first hug with a non relative male, first everything. When he started to date me was in love with another girl (he had a long distance relationship of sorts that I didn’t find out about until months later). Being the crazily in love and naive 14 year old that I was I stayed with him despite her constant presence in our first year as a couple. The resentment built up and despite forgiving him I never forgot her after I practically forced him to cut her out. I was mean, manipulative and knew he was in love with me so much I treated him like a doormat for a while.
I went away to college in 2008 and told him I wanted to be single and get past my issues alone. He cried and was heartbroken but said he would give me time. I was lonely and depressed in college and I called him back. He was all I knew. A couple days after our reconciliation I slept with a guy in my dorm. Fast forward to a year later, he joined the Corps, leaves for boot camp and in his 3 month absence I decide I want to be with him forever. On his leave we got married. A day after the Justice of the Peace ceremony he asked me if I had ever cheated on him. I wanted to be honest and start this new chapter of our life on the right page. I told him about that guy in the dorms.
His leave was over and he returned to KY with the horrible info I had given him and our relationship was never the same. It was bad from the beginning and should have ended years prior but we were both hard headed. I was completely different with him than how I was when I first left and wanted to be single. I gave him space, I was sorry and very remorseful and showed him I was different as much as I could. A few months later nothing had changed so I asked him if he was giving up. He said he didn’t know. We were separated for a month and he took this time to party with friends and buy himself a motorcycle (something we had discussed and I wasn’t on board with yet). I drew the line there and said I would not keep waiting around for him to decide I was worthy of being treated with respect because when I cheated was before we were married and over a year ago. He had the choice to leave and he didn’t. He stayed but was indifferent, mean, rarely texted me or called and refused to move in with me. I was pretty much single except for Friday or Saturday nights.
Enter current SO and soon to be Fiance (This was in 2010). I am not ashamed of the person I am with SO now. He brings out the best in me and has truly redefined what love means to me. I’ll tell our story in a separate post 🙂
Ex and I had a messy divorce because, yes, SO overlapped with him. I literally called him the day after I kissed SO to confess and tell him we were not working anymore and had not been for a long time. We broke up but he came back and tried to win me back. Despite only knowing SO for 2 months at the time and Ex for 5 years I couldn’t let SO go. Something pulled me to him and to this day I cannot explain it.
fast forward two years and here we are. i cut Ex out summer of 2011 but he remained friends with my siblings. It bothered me and it hurt SO but it is not my place to tell them who they can be friends with. Here is the thing now, it appears Ex has NOT moved on and is constantly telling my sister how skanky I was, how there were more men I cheated with than the one in college, and that I was never a virgin when he met me. Talk about regretting ever giving him my virginity… My sister did not believe anything he said and defended me along with saying it is in the past And he should let it go.
I am hurt bees. Why would my siblings (lil brother went to a football game with Ex this past weekend too) keep hanging out with someone who disrespects me verbally and speaks badly about me? Like I said before I’m not dictating who they should be friends with but I don’t feel they are backing me up. Is it wrong for me to feel that way? I just want him OUT of my life. It has been over 2 years and I can’t seem to ever really get rid of him.