Ex-husband won't leave me alone

posted 3 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
378 posts
Helper bee

Continue not communicating with him.  Ask your family to defriend him on social media and not interact with him.  After that, he should get the message.  

Has he threatened you in any way? Does he have guns?  A restraining order may be an option if his communications escalate. 

Post # 3
Member
1206 posts
Bumble bee

I know you are NEVER supposed to respond to them personally, as it starts all over. 

I would have your dad meet with him and demand he stop. If that doesn’t work, restraining order. 

I don’t understand why your family is accepting letters and gifts and why you are reading them. Return to sender, unopened. Or he knows someone is accepting them. These things fuel his efforts. 

 

If you are wanting to document take a pic before returning. 

Post # 4
Member
10456 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

LadyLuna711 :  

No more contact!  None.  Block him on everything. Your friend’s advice was terrible.

Your family has to put you first and dump this creep.  He will exploit any hook, every connection to you.  None of them should be in contact with him.  They have to shut him down immediately.  No explanation is required, nor deserved.

If he persists, contact the police.  Don’t be reluctant to do that.  Don’t worry about whether they arrest him or not.  You need a paper trail in case you do have to seek a restraining order.

Start documenting everything. He will try to paint you as the crazy one.  Be certain you have dates, times, and details well covered.

To get sensible advice, talk to an attorney in your area or your local DV facility.  Quit listening to people who don’t know what they’re talking about.

Post # 5
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

This has restraining order written all over it girl!!! Document everything and have no contact what so ever with him. As for your brother I would have him take him off of his social media. If you give him an inch he will take a mile. I wouldn’t trust him at all. Beaware of your surroundings also. Trust me you never know where he may show up.

Post # 6
Member
1737 posts
Bumble bee

sassy411 :  Wasn’t her friend’s advice to cut off all contact?

Post # 8
Member
1206 posts
Bumble bee

He is obsessing because he has not taken the emotional and lifestyle steps to move on. Hindsight is 20 20. 

Unfortunately,  no do overs. 

Post # 9
Hostess
3808 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

LadyLuna711 :  It is not sweet to send things to an ex who wishes to have no contact with you, it is only creepy bee.  I agree with PP.  Return to sender.  Block.  Tell your family you need them to do the same.  

Post # 10
Member
378 posts
Helper bee

LadyLuna711 :  I agree with PPs that any contact at all, even telling him to stop communicating with you, only encourages him.  It will be easier for your ex to move on if everyone in your family really cuts him off and blocks him on social media.  It will also signal to your ex that what he is doing is not okay and that his efforts make you and your family uncomfortable. 

Even if you do not get one now, be prepared to request a restraining order.  Know what the requirements are and what support you need so that you are ready if and when the time comes.  

Post # 11
Member
6736 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

LadyLuna711 :  “How seriously should I take this?”

Very seriously. You are right. This isn’t sweet. It’s CREEPY and leading into stalking/harrassing territory. Block him on everything. Ask your parents to block him too. I know you can’t control what your brother does, but I’d have a serious talk with him about this and how it actually scares you and ask that he block your ex as well. 

Keep evidence of all his attempts at contact however because you might very well have to get a restraining order against him. 

Post # 12
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee

LadyLuna711 :  he sounds mentally and emotionally unwell. this type of obsessive behavior will lead to nothing good…this is how all Lifetime movies start out. no mentally/emotionally sound human being would EVER tell someone they’ll “never let go” when the person has CLEARLY communicated their wish to cease contact. 

he doesn’t respect you. his incessant outreach is him asserting his ownership of you, no matter what you desire. seek legal assistance. 

Post # 13
Member
1066 posts
Bumble bee

This is obsessive. He is claiming an ownership of you. It could turn nasty very fast.

Agree with PPs. Block and start paper trail. Photograph letters and parcels and return to sender unopened.  Obviously, this is not normal no matter how ” sweet” this may appear to others. He has bascially said he is never going to let go of you and considers him self tied to you no matter what. 

He is using your brother as an information source and a point of contact to keep a link with you. I would talk with my brother firmly and seriously that you wish this ongoing communication with the ex ends pronto. I don’t know about your relationship with your brother but hopefully he cares about your mental health and safety and would not make light of this request. 

Have a family meeting and inform all of them that a full no contact policy commences NOW. Keep it simple and clear. Police will be advised of this behaviour in future if this persists that this man is not getting the message. (If it was me, I would take the time to go to the local police station and just ask for their advice. Start a trail.)

Tell friends that his behaviour has moved into a place where you have become fearful of his obsession and it is not “romantic” in the least. Let them know at present you are considering a restraining order. (Don’t go into details so they cannot brush your fears aside). Hopefully, they will start taking you seriously and if he tries to use them to find out what you are up to then they will know how to respond.

Too many sad stories end up with people saying ” He seemed such a nice guy.”

Post # 14
Member
530 posts
Busy bee

This has restraining order written all over it girl. I would just keep going no contact w/ him, block him on everything & your family needs to defriend him on all social media as well.

Hopefully then he will get the hint that it is over. I would also be very careful of your surroundings you never know where he might show up & this could definitely turn nasty very quickly! 

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