Ex-husband won't leave me alone

posted 2 months ago in Relationships
Post # 17
Member
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

LadyLuna711 :  Ask your family to cut contact, they are showing him his behavior is okay and he may interpret this as supoort. Past that, tell him in writing to leave you alone, then get a restraining order.

 

Post # 19
Member
829 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

LadyLuna711 :  In some states it may not be enough evidence that’s why we are telling you to document everything. Because if you tell him to leave you alone and you are scared of what he might do in your state it may be enough. But definatly go down and talk to someone at the percint tomorrow. I am so happy your brother is on board with you. 

Post # 20
Member
1015 posts
Bumble bee

LadyLuna711 :  Glad you are taking this further. You may be able to make a request for police to call your ex or to possibly make a visit to his house and let him know to basically back off. He will then be aware that his unwanted attention has been noted by the authorities.

Happy your brother has decided to get on board and cut off contact.

Let us know how it goes.

Post # 21
Member
779 posts
Busy bee

Please please read The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker. He outlines how to deal with men like this and how to protect yourself. Your ex is not a nice guy, he is someone who is refusing to listen to you saying no and he is manipulating people you care about in order to get to you. Have no contact whatsoever, not even to tell him to stop. Getting a restraining order isn’t necessarily in your best interest. It often isn’t worth the paper it is printed on, and it will only serve to anger and upset him. Many crimes against women are committed as a direct result of their filing a restraining order. Do you research and make sure it is the right step for you before you take those steps. 

Post # 22
Member
4495 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Block him on everything, keep all the evidence as PPs suggested and stay vigilant and alert from now on. If he were to find out (and he will) that you are with someone he most probably will go postal. Warn your SO as well about your ex’s behavior and make sure they stay very alert for any signs from your ex. Scary stuff. Stay safe.

Post # 23
Member
1916 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

i would go completely dark on him, blocking him even might not be enough, delete your social media for awhile, tell any friends or family to block him and warn you SO about his behavior. 

i only say to delete all social media, because ive had friends who have had creepy exes who just use other peoples accounts to snoop, or they find someone that you are both friends with to find out your daily happenings. Plus in this day and age, its easy to get around block features on social media. 

Any mail gets sent, i would return to sender unopened. So that it sends an idea that nothing is getting read or thought about. 

Post # 24
Member
1124 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - Tacoma, WA

I divorced my ex-husband over a DECADE ago. He still, to this day, does crazy ass shit and still swears he will never fully get over me.

We have kids together, so it’s a bit more complicated. For years, I tried to be that family that divorced with the idea that we’d remain friendly for the kids’s sake. We would still go to all the kid functions together, still get together for holidays, etc. But, he would always be weird when I was dating someone else and refuse to go if “they” went. He would still give me anniversary cards every year, too. Or try to buy me things and insist we only get together when it was “just us and the kids, like old times.” Not gonna lie, a lot of the time I went along with it just to keep the peace. And that was a major mistake.

Fast forward to now. He literally sent my fiance a message a while back saying I’m cheaing (but couldn’t reveal his “sources”). Called my kids individually, telling them the divorce was my fault but he would forgive me if it meant we could be a family again. Telling them they should have a brother or sister right now but I”m a murderer and took that away from them (I had an abortion once, long before I ever even met him). Telling everyone, from my kids to my family, that I destroyed our family and that he would never stop trying to make us a family again. Only one of his kids even speaks to him at this point.

I’ve literally told people if anything suspicious ever happens to me, it’s him.

Bee, you don’t even have kids with this guy. If I could do it all over again, I would cut him out of my life completely, with the exception of things related DIRECTLY to my kids, and probably even sought supervised visitation only. He is UNHINGED. Still. OVER A DECADE LATER.

Guys like this look for ANY “evidence” that they’re welcomed. ANY. The only thing you can do is to cut off all contact, tell your family to cut off all contact. And then file for a restraining order immediately. Do not let this get more out of hand for the sake of being polite, or because your family refuses to take a serious stand. It will NOT get better.

Post # 25
Member
520 posts
Busy bee

LadyLuna711 :  Great update bee – so happy to hear your brother is 100% supporting you now.

I would still have your mom, dad & sister in law cut off complete contact w/ your ex husband too. He hopefully will take the hint that you don’t want nothing more to do w/ him and if he doesn’t you might have to get a restraining order immediately but make sure you also document everything. Also if he sends you anymore emails. I would just do return to sender unread! 

Post # 26
Member
1039 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I might go one step further and change my number and email address. Agree with PPs- document, get the authorities involved, make sure your friends and family also block him. Your ex getting a reaction from you – any reaction – is what he wants. Don’t talk to him, don’t send any more emails or letters.

Post # 27
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee

I believe the usual advice is that you do need to send someone email proof that you do not want them to be contacting you at all. Because without that, the police have no idea if you even told the person to stop or not. So I believe OP you did the right thing by sending him an email directly telling him you do not wish to be in contact with him. Then if after that he keeps contacting you etc. you can go to the police and show them you said you wanted no contact. 

My friend had a guy she went on 1 date with who harassed her via phone calls and had his friends calling her leaving hararssing messages also. She called the police department in her area, gave them his phone number. An officer called him and told him he was to stop calling her immediately and stop harassing her. The phone calls stopped. Hopefully the police in your area can start there, by telling him to stop. 

Post # 28
Member
10415 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

kristin36890 :  

No.  The friend suggested that OP write a “clear letter”.  Horrible idea.

Post # 29
Member
10415 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

ladyjane123 :  

No.  The OP should be contacting the police, a DV facility, or an attorney in her area and get the actual facts about the stalker statutes in her location.

Listening to us could cost her valuable time and put her in a worse situation.

Post # 30
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee

sassy411 :  She already sent the email so… doesn’t really matter. I wasn’t telling her to send another one. But In my limited knowledge I do believe they want it documented somehow that you did tell them to stop before its considered harassment. But again, dosnt’ matter she already did it. 

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