(Closed) Ex Recreating Our Relationship with New GF

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 91
Member
4943 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

mle1115:  Stop following their social media, first thing. Second, he’s probably “recreating” it because he’s got zero creativity and doesn’t know how to do anything else. Hell, your special trips and such could have been a recreation of that with someone before you. He’s just doing what has worked for him and isn’t stepping out of that box.

Post # 92
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

geekgirl84:  Anti-psychotics and anti-depressants treat different symptoms. They are not interchangeable. 

As much as you don’t want to hear this, just because your ex freaked out doesn’t mean that doctors are going to start giving trigger warnings with how they name medications. The world isn’t going to cater to you.

Post # 93
Member
737 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2025

just_deal_with_it:  I never said they were. I didn’t feel the need to write out his entire medical history for your benefit.

Post # 94
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

Hi, I’m sorry I didn’t read the past 7 pages, but I hope I can add something helpful. I dated a guy once who was still in love with his ex-girlfriend. We also fell fast and hard, and had a great relationship. In the end, he ended the relationship, and eventually got married to his ex-girlfriend. They are very happy together. The cool part is, now so am I. Of course, I was not at the time!!! I was super confused and unhappy about how things turned out. My point is, time will heal. You will be able to release him to make whatever decisions he needs to for him, and make great decisions for yourself as well. Give it time, and be patient with yourself. All the best to you, bee!!

P.S. No one is replaceable. You are unique, and any subsequent relationship is different.

Post # 95
Member
8919 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

geekgirl84:  Anti-depressants and anti-psychotics are not the same. And the world can’t go around walking on eggshells because someone might be sensitive to certain words. You suggesting that they should just further stigmatizes mental illness. “Don’t say ‘get therapy’ — that could set off a mentally ill person! Say ‘get counselling’ instead!” Doesn’t make sense. The fact that YOU would be offended if someone suggested you get help means that YOU have a stigma against mental illness. It’s weird that you don’t see this and you seem to think you’re championing mental health when really you’re reinforcing sterotypes that the mentally ill are all a hair-trigger away from snapping, and that it’s an insult to suggest that someone might benefit from therapy.

Post # 96
Member
3114 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

There’s no reason to be hurt by this advice. My ex husband left me and within a month of our separation had changed his fb status to in a relationship with someone new, a few weeks after that it was changed to engaged. The only thing for me to do was stop looking, luckily he actually blocked me because he didnt want me knowing about what he was doing while we were still legally married. It hurts, and it’s hard to move past from, but you have no choice. All you can do right now is to take care of yourself and in this case that means trying not to see what he’s up to, it will be much harder to heal if you keep searching him out. Your feelings are normal, we are just trying to help you get past them. 

Post # 97
Member
737 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2025

Daisy_Mae: I never said the two medications were the same thing – I didn’t feel a need to write out his entire medical hsitory for all of WB to see. I wrote that above to the pp already.

I’m not talking about someone coming to me and saying “i think you’d benefit from some therapy, what we’ve talked about is beyond the scope of what a friend can help you with”. I’m not talking about someone who cares about you and knows what you’re going through but feels like they can no longer help you. I’m talking about a complete stranger saying it with zero inflection ( this is a written thread, after all) and very little else to go on.

As someone who suffers from depression, I don’t have a stigma against mental health. Has my journey been difficult? yes. Has asking for help been difficult? Yes. Would i take offense to a COMPLETE STRANGER WHO KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT ME saying “you need therapy” as almost a direct point? Yes. Would I be offended if someone who knows me said that? Maybe… I don’t know. If it was someone who didn’t know me well I would be put off, for sure. The people who have suggested I get help did not word it that way and I was thankful for it.

I never said anyone had to walk around on eggshells around people with mental health issues – but you should be MINDFUL. But I sincerely wonder if those of you who are skewering me are people who have suffered from mental health and deal with people who have mental health issues? Because if you did, you’d understand that certain phrases and terms can be very hurtful when said the wrong way, if not coming from a place of genuine well being and care. And for someone struggling to come to terms with what they’re going through, saying “you should go to therapy” may be the most direct way, but it makes people who are struggling think “am i really crazy? do i really need therapy because i’m so screwed up?”. Get into the mind of someone with depression and then maybe you’d undertsand. 

I was never trying to champion mental health. Eveyrone’s journey is different and everyone’s level of mental health is different. We all deal with things differently. My point is to try being more tactful when dealing with people with mental health. Use your head before you open your mouth. I’ve had some hurtful things said to me and when i was in a very dark place, they sent me reeling. You will never understand the negative impact words can have on you when you’re in a downward spiral, even if they were never intended that way.

If you want to continue skewering me, PM me. Let OP have her thread back.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by  geekgirl84.
Post # 98
Member
333 posts
Helper bee

During my First serious relationship I had similar temptations, but as I dated more and more I grew out of it. You need to stop following her. Why are you following your ex and your ex’s girlfriend? It is not healthy at all. If you can’t be friends with your ex block him. Yes they went on similar trips together maybe because he wants to take her there? My ex is my FI’s close friends. My ex is actually the one whom introduced us online. When my ex and I fell apart I dated my Fiance and got engaged. We went to many actually all places that my ex and I went and I posted it on fb. Why because I am in love and happy. My ex is my fb. who cares? We parted ways on a neutral term and I didn’t cheat on him. I did him the favor eventually deleted him off my social media. I want to celebrate my happiness and share it with everyone, my friends. I care less about my ex. hint ex. I would not stop posting to make him feel better. I only care about my Fiance.
There are only so many dating places one could go. Just because he said he loves you at this one location dose it mean he can never go back to it with someone else he cares about? They are together now no matter what the reason is, be happy for them cheer them on and leave.

He loved you and he likes her now. You did the best thing you could by breaking up with him. Start clean and move on. You left him for a reason that should be the focus. Who cares whom he date or not? If it helps, with my first ex whom i dated since high school and lived together for 3 years, every time I thought about him I went back to this chart I made. It listed all the good things and all the bad things about him. The bad stuff on there reminds me to move onHe was extremely mainpulative too. When we go on break he would constantly post photographs with other girls and hotel check ins to bother me, but I learned to delete him. . You care clearly not 100% over him, block him ( unless you have kids), and just move on. Go try next things go on few speed date. Evaluate what you want from life and what you learned from the pervious relationship 🙂

Ex only truly becomes ex when you have no feeling towards them at all. Right now you need to focus on your life not his current’ gf’s instant gram.
It is hard I know. I broke up with my first ex during my depression too. I got diagnosed with depression even had suicidal attempts during college because my mother was battling with breast/brain cancer, she is the only close relative i have left. With school pressure to keep up perfect GPA and blancing my toxic relationship eventually I had a meltdown. It is hard but what got me better was finding a hobby. I started to play video games alot and it became therapeutic for me. I cut my ex off completetly 100% It will get better but your first step is to delete him and her off. Cut all ties to them, phone number, email and just focus on your life. It is hard because you knew him for so long but you have to do it. This quote helped me through my darkest time. 

“This life is what you make it. Not matter what, you’re going to mess up sometimes, it’s a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you’re going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends – they’ll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, some go. The ones that stay with you through everything – they’re your true best friends. Don’t let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well, they’ll come and go too. And babe, I hate to say it, most of them – actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can’t give up because if you give up, you’ll never find your soul mate. You’ll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn’t mean you’re gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don’t, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life’s a beautiful thing and there’s so much to smile about.”
― Marilyn Monroe

Post # 99
Member
1360 posts
Bumble bee

Your ex has moved on. I’m glad you are seeing a therapist to help you do the same. Stop looking at his social media. You are just making it harder on yourself.

Post # 100
Member
8919 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

geekgirl84:  I’ve posted many times about my own struggle with severe depression and very serious mental illnesses of close loved ones. So I am familiar with it, and again, you are making assumptions based on your own biases. This seems like a threadjack though, and I don’t want to continue it. I wish you well on your journey. My depression has been in remission for several years and it’s wonderful to feel happy and normal more often than not. I sincerely hope you (and OP, and anyone else struggling) are in that place now or find it soon.

Post # 101
Member
737 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2025

Daisy_Mae:  I respectfully disagree – I’m not making assumptions about anything. I’m simply stating that while a statement may seem agreeable to one, it may be interpreted differently by another. That goes for anyhing that’s said, not just to people struggling with mental health issues.

I’m sorry, I haven’t seen/read any of your previous posts to know your background with depression. I’m happy for you that you’ve come out the other side and are in a better place and I hope you continue to stay positive and happy.

Post # 102
Member
5224 posts
Bee Keeper

geekgirl84:  It would be illegal for a doctor or nurse to tell someone an antipsychotic is an antidepressant, even if it’s being with an antidepressant to treat depression. I agree that people should be tactful, but again, I agree with other posters. You appear to be stigmatizing the mentally ill by suggesting that their illness should be treated differently from any other medical problem. Don’t project your own issues with mental health care on to everyone else who seeks treatment. Not everyone treats their illness with kid gloves, and they shouldn’t have to. Those of us in the field are fighting against that very attitude that telling someone they need therapy is a put down or insult.

Post # 103
Member
275 posts
Helper bee

mle1115:  

I had a similar experience with an ex.  The healing process dragged on for 2 years, when I would continually go back to him.  But during that time he had started a new relationship.  I was relatively oblivious (knew they had dated but they “broke up”, at least according to him). He emotionally abused her the same way he did me in our relationship.  In the end, he dumped Her in probably the most horrific fashion I’ve ever seen.  A co-worker who was a mutual friend of ours mentioned it to me.  I told him I’d be happy to talk to her.  She wanted to, so we met up, vented our years of frustration, commiserated together, etc.  it was remarkably cathartic for us both.  And now we are good friends.  I realized he had a type and we were so similar!  It weirded me out a bit, but around that time, I had started dating my new fiancé.  He messaged me once.  I told him to never contact me again. He contacted the other ex. She told him to stop taliking to us both.  Haven’t heard from him since, which I consider a miracle.

She went through therapy, I didn’t.  But I think the best healing for us both was realizing we weren’t alone, and while it hurt to know that a years long relationship essentially meant nothing, we both learned to thank God we somehow managed to stop the cycle of a master manipulator.

I’m not suggesting by any means that you contact the new girl. That’s just how my story unfolded- and it wasn’t done in an attempt to get his attention or get him back.  It was AFTER they broke up without my influence.

It is true you can have a relationship with someone and at its very core means nothing to them when it means everything to you.  It’s a harsh realization.  But accepting that will help with the healing!  It is easier to let go of something when you can accept that you’re better without it.  But no healing will start until you stop all contact with him or her.  

Good luck <3

Post # 104
Member
737 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2025

Bridey77:  I’ve already said this twice – I know that an anti depressant and an anti psychotic are not the same thing. I already stated twice that I didn’t feel the need to post his medical history on here so that you could all fully undertsand his situation. Please read my responses before you continue to tell me I don’t know what I’m talking about when I’ve already clarified.

Please stop putting words in my mouth. I never said it was a put down or an insult. Please stop telling me that I’m stigmatizing mental health because I feel that a particular phrase may be upsetting to someone who is or may be suffering from depression. I’m someone who struggles with mental health and is all about people getting help in any way they can – I just think people should have some more tact when they suggest that.

I don’t need to be handled with kid gloves – I’m a human being and I need to be treated with respect and not spoken to like something is wrong with me when you don’t even know me.

 

Post # 105
Member
1312 posts
Bumble bee

Wow I’m surprised at some of these comments. She doesn’t need to “get over anything” in a certain amount of time. Those saying that have clearly never been in an abusive relationship. I was in the same situation, broke up with him – it’s been 2 years and I still struggle with it all. Telling someone they need to get over it in a few months is fücking ridiculous. 

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