Ex still on my mind ….

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
4246 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Oh girl, let him go.  He has moved on.  He IS moving on.  Him unfollowing you on Instagram means nothing besides “she is my past”.  I’m sorry you are still hurting from the breakup but girl, don’t be that cray cray ex girlfriend.  You are starting to hit that territory.  Unfollow him too because obviously you aren’t even close to getting over him.  I would also recommend therapy — you are still pining after a man who is not the right one for you 2 YEARS later.  That is a significant time span.  That is more time than the time between when my husband and I met and when we got married.  Let him go.

Post # 3
1232 posts
Bumble bee

Bee, I think you need to leave this alone.. He knows you had feelings for him bc you told him that continued contact via facebook was too difficult for you, hence the unfriending.

I don’t think it actually matters that he continued the instagram account at that time, and deleted it now. He’s engaged and planning a future with someone else. If he kept contact with other exes maybe it was bc it wasn’t painful for them and he’s respecting the fact that it was painful for you.

I think that if he wanted to reach out to you he would have. Some people are able to move on after a break up more easily than others. I’m not one of them, and it doesnt’ sound like you are either. I know exactly how it feels to have someone be a part of your life, and them before you know it…. the relationship ends and after all the love, caring, connectedness, etc…. you’re not a part of one anothers lives anymore. It’s hard to wrap your brain around, isn’t it?

Maybe talking to a really good counselor, therapist, etc would be in order. Sometimes if you find yourself wondering, ‘what do I need in order to move on and let go of these lingering feelings’…. and you can’ t come up with an answer, then the answer actually is to speak to a professional about it. Good luck, bee. I wish you all the best.

Post # 4
11 posts

No. You need to move on. Sorry to be harsh but it’s not your place to try to sway him from marrying a girl he clearly feels a strong connection to, given he’s ready to marry her so soon after meeting her. If you were “the one” to him, you would have the ring on your finger. But you don’t, so quit pining, don’t embarrass yourself by reaching out, and move on. 

Post # 5
4080 posts
Honey bee

chica2012 :  “I want him to be happy and I don’t want to complicate anything for him. But I still care for him.”

If you truly care for him and want him to be happy as you say you do, then don’t complicate things for him by telling him how you feel. Not to be harsh, but it’s truly that simple. You need to resolve your feelings without involving him. See a counselor. Find a hobby. Do anything to get your mind off of it. It’ll take time for you to heal, no doubt. But reaching out to him isn’t the answer. I’m sorry bee. 

Post # 6
341 posts
Helper bee

I had a friend in a similar situation.  Her ex (who she was with for 6 years) was getting married.  She  reached out.  Her ex never responded.  I think she was very hurt by being ignored, and a little embarassed. 

Reaching out will not make you feel better.  He either will respond, and make you feel like he didn’t care.  Or he won’t respond, and he will make you feel like he didn’t care.  It hurts, but he is commiting to someone else.  Either way, you will feel bad and slightly pathetic.  

Breakups suck.  I’m sorry you are going through this.  Hugs!

Post # 7
7642 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Unfollow and block him on all social media, including Instagram. The reminders of him are hurting. By blocking, you’ll be sure to not even accidentally see things, and it’s a statement to yourself that he’s out of your life.

It’s hard, but you need to put him behind you. (((Hugs)))

Post # 8
219 posts
Helper bee

I think it’s worth pointing out that you didn’t decide to make this post until you noticed he was engaged.  You seem to miss romantic commitment more than the actual guy.  It’s also been 2 years since you broke up..he could be a very changed person from the one you last knew, so it’s kind of unrealtistic to cling to any feelings you had in the past.  By your own admission you’ve been basically single that whole time and he never once reached out.  Why try sabotaging another innocent girl’s good thing?  That’s just dirty and so anti-girl code, stranger or not.  Say you confessed your feelings and he did actually decide to leave his fiance for you – what a fickle jerk!  Is that really the kind of boy you want??  Someone who drops the supposed love of their life the moment their ex comes calling?  I wouldn’t.

Post # 9
255 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I was in a similar position a while ago, except I was in his shoes, not yours. After I got engaged and we put it on Facebook, I had an old friend reach out to me whom I hadn’t spoken to in years. Nothing went wrong in our friendship, we just drifted apart over the years. He told me that he’d always had very strong feelings for me, even now, and he was very disappointed that he “never got his chance with me.”

Now, granted, we never dated like you and your ex did, so it’s slightly different, but from my perspective, I was offended that he would disregard and disrespect my relationship and tell me that. It bothered me that his act of reaching out to me was motivated by completely selfish reasons, just to make himself feel better and what? Maybe break up an engagement so he could “get his shot?” 

I don’t think you should say anything to him. He’s moved on, he’s happy, he’s getting married. What would you reaching out to him accomplish? Is there any part of it that would benefit him or better his life right now? Or would it just cause problems and possibly confusion and issues in his relationship? I think you need to let it go and move on. If he had wanted to get back together with you, he would have reached out on his own. I’m sorry if that sounds harsh, but it’s true. 

I really hope you can move past this, I know it’s hard, but it’s better for everyone involved. And you’ll be happier once you’re really over it. 

Post # 10
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

If you do write, what will he do or say? He will either not respond or say that he has moved on with someone else. He will not leave his fiancee. Just leave it alone. 

Post # 11
85 posts
Worker bee

Karma, karma, karma. I’m sure when you meet someone incredible and you’re engaged one day, you would be less than thrilled if your finances ex-girlfriend started reaching out. Your ex could be viewing your profile out of sheer curiosity to see what you’re up to now. It doesn’t translate into feelings necessarily but more to see where he was then and what he has now. Guys love comparing and women do it too. I think you sound like a really thoughtful person and I bet deep down below the ego (I get it, it’s human nature) you know that he has moved on and until you do too you you won’t be open to new guys that come your way. Let it go!!! 

Post # 12
900 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Sorry OP, I agree with everyone here, there is nothing to be gained from reaching out to him.  Presumably he shares things with his Fiance, she may have found out that you reached out about having feelings for him and that made her uncomfortable.  That could be why he unfollowed you, or maybe he just sees no value in having any contact with you anymore because he’s moved on.

It’s tough, I had a terrible time getting over one of my ex’s because we still had contact through mutual friends.  The best thing you can do is remove all reminders and find other things to keep you occupied.  Hugs, wishing you the best.

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