Ex wants to apologize.

posted 3 months ago in Relationships
Post # 46
Member
2231 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

sassy411 :  Sorry to threadjack, but I remember an attorney on here saying she worked in family law, and the number of times she was in court where a single mother dragged her deadbeat ex in for past due child support, and he showed up with a smug new girlfriend in tow was depressing.

 

She was like, this guy won’t pay for his child! Why are you with him, smirking over his refusal to pay? You think it won’t be you in a few months/years?

 

Also, the number of times I heard “I’m not giving my ex a dime because she uses it to buy makeup,” made me want to scream. (or some variation of this).

 

Who are these women who giggle at comments like these?? Guys always said it to me at the bar like they thought it was super charming that they were stiffing their young child and maligning a woman who was good enough to sleep with but apparently not anything else.

Post # 47
Member
632 posts
Busy bee

Tatum :  

That honestly fills me with rage.

I am pretty sure I live on the opposite side of the world to you, but it is the same here. The number of men I have met who have complained to me (and honest to God expected sympathy) about the money they had to pay to their ex-wives (with whom they had children) is disturbing.

I once briefly dated a man who was doing very well financially but who purposely put himself in mountains of debt and lived on very little just so his ex-wife (the mother of his kids) could not get his money. On Saturday night I happened to be out without my boyfriend and a man, newly separated from his wife, thought he would endear himself to me by complaining about the money his “narcissistic” wife, also the mother of his children, wanted to get from him. While simultaneously bragging about how well his business was doing. It just turns my stomach. How they think this conniving and stingyness is attractive to another woman beggars the imagination. 

Anyway, I know this is going off on a tangent, but yeah… it’s disturbing.

Post # 49
Member
222 posts
Helper bee

Honestly, at this point you should just change your number and only give it out to those who you can trust won’t give it to him. This won’t stop. Take it from me, when abusers are desperate they will look at any avenue to try and get contact

Post # 50
Member
65 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - Baton Rouge, LA

Don’t be hard on yourself.  Three months out is still fresh, and he still knows enough to try to push your buttons.  He’s using your good nature against you.  What matters is that you’ve seen his manipulation for what it is (hard to do in the thick of things, especially when you still want to believe the other person at least somewhat decent), and you’ve stopped it in its tracks.

My XH was a master manipulator.   During our separation and divorce, he tried everything to either get back together, and when that failed, ‘punish’ me for leaving him.  At three months post-separation, I still wanted to believe that he wasn’t a sonofabitch, so I get why you’d want to respond to your ex.  Trust me, he’ll prove his true colors every. damn. time.  It gets easier both to spot it and ignore it as time goes on.   

  

Post # 51
Member
727 posts
Busy bee

beautylover92 :  Bee, I think you’ve made a very wise choice not to meet up with this manipulative POS. 

Not to be an alarmist- but if he contacted you on an alternate number after realizing you blocked him, this is a man who doesn’t respect boundaries. By all means block his number (s) but save the texts and save the numbers he’s contacted you on. Hopefully he fucks off and you never hear from him again, but just in case he persists it’s a good idea to document everything in case you have to involve the police at some point. I sincerely hope it doesn’t come to that but forewarned is forearmed. 

Post # 52
Member
92 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2020

Just chiming in to say that I was in a very similar situation. I finally got the apology I’d wanted so badly. But it was 3 YEARS after we broke up. He emailed me about how sorry he was for what he did to me and he hoped I knew how much he loved me and that he STILL loved me. It was everything I had wanted to hear in the months after our split. And I’m FOREVER grateful that he didn’t send it when it mattered because I might have fallen for it. 3 years out I saw his name in my inbox and you know what I felt? Nothing. Read that he was sorry? Nothing. Still loved me? Nope. Nothing. I’d moved from a place of absolute anguish and self hatred and asking “what did I DO wrong” to realizing that he was quite frankly a piece of sh*t who used people, couldn’t follow through on anything, lied, manipulated, and only acted like he loved me because I may him feel good about himself. Let me be clear: any apology he makes is for HIS benefit and his benefit alone. You are so sweet and kind and smart and in time you will realize how silly it was to waste your precious time, energy, and goodness on a person who doesn’t deserve it. Stay strong and block block block him! The thing he wants most is a response, don’t give him what he wants. Just live your best life. 

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