Post # 1
To make a long story short, I had an ex who I was with for 5 years who just would not commit to me. He kept saying he eventually would, but ended up cheating on me with his childhood friend. It’s been one year since the breakup, and I feel I’m slowly healing (very slowly) and I just learned from a mutual friend he has moved in with the girl he cheated on me with (he’s moved across the country to be with her). Although I can now see how wrong he was for me and what a jerk he was, why does it still sting so bad? It took me four years to just get him to TALK about living together/marriage etc. It’s so hard to not wonder if it’s me and if I’m somehow “less”. It’s such a weird feeling, I don’t want him back (finally) but feel I wasted so much of my life with him and am still bothered by this news and hurt knowing they will probably get married. Though it’s none of my business, it still makes me feel bad about myself. I’m frustrated that I was shattered and they are happy. Anybody ever been through this?
Post # 2
pretty much the same thing happened to me, together 5 years, next girl comes along and boom, they’re married and she’s pregnant. took about 3 years to fully heal, and realize i didn’t waste all the years, but you’ll get there. it just means you weren’t right for eachother!
Post # 3
Sorry you are still hurting Bee. My answer may not be helpful but I just think different people meah differently… I mobed in with my BF now Fiance at 6 weeks. And we both knew that we will get married very early in the relationship, it took a while to get it going due to financial reasons but we both knew it will happen. He was with another girl before me that he lived with for almost 5 years… and ended up dumping her after she lost all patience and proposed to him…. go figure.
Post # 4
Logically you know it wasn’t meant to be. The heart takes longer to catch up. How do you have this information? If by social media it is time to stop going there.
I was shattered in a break-up in my early 20’s. He married the next lady who came along, had a child. I was stupid and searched him on facebook to find it out.A common mistake. She is a beautiful woman, comes across as very smart and the baby was the cutest. It stung but I am very happy for them. I met the husband 6 monthes after that break-up and would not date him for 7 years. You need to heal yourself. You cannot be in a healthy relationship until you are mentally well enough to give yourself to another person.
Reading your past posts it might not be a bad idea for you to see a professional in order to rebuild yourself.
Post # 5
Yes. You are not alone. Heard this story by many.
Be glad he is gone and you didn’t end up with him. His true charachter is less than desirable and he will most likely not be married to her for long or he may cheat on her. Don’t fantasize that he’s so happy. The fact is that eventually he will be on to his next girl.
Post # 6
Take comfort in the fact that if he will do it with you, he will probably do it to you, meaning he may have moved in with her quickly but that alone does not mean he will be any more faithful to her than he was to you. Be glad he’s someone else’s problem.
Post # 7
It’s hard to be rational when you’re hurting, but truly, whatever he is doing is not a reflection on your worth. That it didn’t work out between you and him is only a reflection of him and you being wrong for each other. If you can take that in, that he was wrong for you and you were wrong for him (nobody else) then it doesn’t matter that he moved in with her quickly.
You wouldn’t assume that he is the right man for every or even most women (actually Any, since he’s a cheater, but regardless if he wasn’t) so it follows that You will not be the right woman for every or most men out there either, just as I’m not and everybody else on the bee are not the right person for most people out there as a life partner. Most people is not the right match.
He was only one of your not right matches, and frankly there will be many more not right matches but your Right One is also out there (which can be one of many – I’m not saying I believe there is only one in the whole world)!
There may well be several women who thought and tried to make your eventual right one theirs, but like you and your ex it was not to be and he may end up perfect for you.
I’m sorry that was a ramble and if I’m not making any sense…
As a side note of everything else I think You are worth More because you haven’t lowered yourself to be with a cheater like She did…you could be married 3 times over if you targeted prison inmates right? But you have some standards right?
Post # 8
I think the way you feel is 100% valid and normal but know that getting broken up with doesn’t mean anything is wrong with YOU. You guys just weren’t a perfect match and thats okay. Your perfect match is out there and you’ll find him! I can totally see why you feel like you’ve “wasted” some time on him but i’m sure you can pick out a few things here and there you’ve learned about yourself or relationships during your time together. Take those lessons with you. I’m a strong believer in everything happens for a reason. He was just a chapter in your book, only the beginning of your story bee!
Post # 9
Yeah, this happened to me. I was with my first love from the age of 23 to 27. We lived together on and off and the relationship was volatile for nearly the entire 4 years. I got tired of it finally and broke it off. Four months later he was engaged!!! To a flight attendant he met while flying to one of his trade shows. I didn’t want him back but it hurt me and made me feel not good enough to be “the one” for him all the same.
Karma always has a way, though. Six months into his whirlwind romance he was sniffing back around my door. And even after he moved to the opposite coast with her and had two kids, he called me several times every year for 10 years to tell me he made a mistake letting me go and would tell me all the trouble he was having in his marriage. Not so ironically, they were the same issues we had. 🙂 He stopped contacting me two years ago once I told him I was engaged.
Post # 10
Sorry I mean to say mesh not meah.. now i can’t edit
Post # 11
OF course others have been through this. Tale as old as time.
If it makes you feel better: my Godmother was with a man from age 22 to 39 (that’s 17 years for those counting at home), waiting for a commitment. There was always a reason why now was not the ideal time. Always promises.
And then he left her. And then he married someone else within a year.
🙁 Sorry bee. This is the worst feeling, I get it, I’ve been through it too.My girl t-swift nailed it in her lyrics: “So I’ll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep / and I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe.” The best advice I can give is to UNFRIEND him on social media so you can not see his life’s developments. It’s just the f**king worst.
Post # 12
I’m sorry it stings.
It’s cliche but its better that he did what he did instead of marrying you and then deciding you werent the one for him.
It reminds me of my favorite movie 500 Days of Summer! It’s actually a very common thing too. Just thank your lucky stars that you are now available for someone who truly loves you and won’t be so hesitant to commit to you.
Post # 13
Thank you all so much. I can’t seem to get my heart to see what my brain sees. Although I’ve come a long way I loved him so much and learning this really hurts. Maybe it’s that final nail in the coffin that it’s really over. Your words really do mean a lot to me. I hope one day I can move on like he has. Right now I just feel really alone.
Post # 14
Thank you so much. I have been talking to a therapist on and off. It has really helped but I guess my healing is up and down. Thank you for your advice.
Post # 15
Don’t let this turd make you feel bad.
One of my exes did the same thing, married 2 women quite quickly one after the other after being with me for years and waffling on a commitment. Guess what? He divorced twice too. I say good riddance! Everything happens for a reason. One day you’ll meet your guy and everything will make so much sense.
Try not to over-analyze everything.