Post # 1
I am just so frustrated with the court systems when it comes to divorce. They just add insult to injury and don’t resolve issues in a timely manner. When I met my fiance a year and a half ago I was finallizing my divorce from my alcoholic ex-husband. Lucky for me he was having an affair with the bottom of a whiskey bottle to even care about court proceedings. It all got settled within 10 months (it would have been 6 but I didn’t have the money in time).
My fiance finally started his divorce proceedings earlier this year after being separted for 2 years (divorce costs money and its hard to save up to get rid of someone out of your life). She didn’t contest a thing after she was served and then 2 weeks after her deadline for sending in the response (because she had found out we got engaged and literally wrote that on the motion!!!) she lied claiming that never got the divorce documents and got the extension to file her response (30 day delay). She waited for 2 days before the deadline again and she filed her response (2 week delay). He is currently not legal to work in the country yet; however, she claimed she wanted child support (so dumb, he has no income so how can it be claimed?!). He then had to file a motion to proceed with divorce (2 week delay). She then waits till the end of her 2 week deadline to file to transfer the file to a court closer to her home (3 week delay). The transfer was granted and she was advised she will have to pay to have the file transferred, guess what? She never responded!!! (3 week delay). We decided to pay for the transfer (2 week delay). He has now requested the courts sever the divorce from the custody as he agreed to everything she wanted and more (1 week delay). Although she agreed to claim for divorce, the courts want the copy of the motion to be delivered to her (1 week delay). She is now in a position to file a motion to stop the severance of the divorce from the custody (delay: potentionally 3 – 6 months). How can we get the courts to expedite this and stop her from delaying?
I really wants to us to enjoy our engagement and be able to celebrate with the world. I’m not too worried about the wedding date anymore and I am still collecting ideas for our big day. I have a beautiful wedding dress that has to sit around for who knows how long. We are so happy together and he always says this is the best relationship he has ever had. He is my best friend and I love him so much. I just want the world to know how happy we are and be able to celebrate our engagement freely. I feel like our lives are at a stand still until his divorce is final.
Post # 3
If your Fiance had a child with this woman he owes her support plain and simple.
Post # 4
Wow this is a lot to take in. Im so sorry your going through this. Unfortunately I have no legal advice for you, I dont know anything about that type of thing. But I did want to say that it will get better!!! Try and enjoy your engagement. They cant let her deley forever!!
Post # 5
Women are the most vengeful creatures God ever created. She is going to drag this out as long as humanly possible because she knows that it hurts her soon-to-be-ex. The courts are more interested in her right to a fair process than his right to a speedy process. They will allow her to drag it out until she either has no money or he has no money or both. It’s a shame she found out about his engagement, that wasn’t going to go over well. My sincere sympathies are with you, ex-wives are a major hassle. The only thing to do is expedite your own side of the process whenever you can and do not communicate directly with her at any point. If there are any shortcuts, take them. Good luck!
Post # 6
This is exactly why we made sure his ex wife did not find out about the fact that I am pregnant nor the upcoming wedding when the divorce went through. We had to wait the separation through because even though she committed adultery she refused to “have her name drug through the mud”, then we had to wait out the separation period where she was going to pay for it. Then she decided we had to pay for it. So once we had the money to do so we did. If she knew I was pregnant and we were getting married she would be pulling the same exact crap!!! She threw a hissy fit because we were dating at first, I have known her since they first started dating. He has been one of my best friends since high school so we have known each other for 17 years now. She gave him the car in the divorce and is now regretting that decision and leaving him messages daily to that effect (I am sugarcoating it here). I feel your pain! If she had found out that we were engaged and had a baby on the way we would be in court every other day as well.
How did she find out the two of you were engaged?
Post # 7
It seems as though you might have seen this coming, given that you’ve been through a divorce yourself. Honestly, I don’t understand being engaged to a man who is still legally married. If the body isn’t even legally cold yet, I would not want to be involved in the drama.
Post # 8
@SoontobeMrsA: he has agreed to child support but he cannot legally work in the country yet and she knows that.He is happy to provide what he can for the child . She only used the support item as a way to delay the divorce and it worked. She knows it could take him up to 1 year or more to get his immigration settled. If it takes that length of time then the courts will cancel everything and he will have to start all over again.
Post # 9
I wish you could go back in time and not announce your engagement until after the divorce was final. Since that is not possible, you have to know she is going to drag this out as long as possible… until she runs out of money or finds a new man to think about.
Post # 10
@crayfish: I agree.
I don’t have a ton of sympathy to be honest. I was the ” ex wife” at a time. Now, I didn’t delay anything but he was very much wanting to rush it so he could get remarried to his mistress. I can kinda see her side and how much pain the situation has caused her.
So, seeing as you knew what you were getting yourself into, the only thing you can do is deal with it day by day until it’s finalized.
Post # 11
@crayfish: The most important thing for me is that his mind and heart was divorced from her years before…legal divorce doesn’t really mean anything and its all just paper work. Love happens and it doesn’t wait for the ink to dry on court documents. To tell you the truth, I was very shocked at her behaviour! She wanted to be divorced from him and she even made a comment to him verbally and on e-mail ” I hope that you won’t give me a hassle with the divorce when I want to remarry and move on with my life” !!! I guess this is her way of being vindictive because he moved on first.
Post # 12
The Ex doesnt want them but damn if anyone else can have them. MM’s ex took almost three years fighting for things like his frequent flier miles- which dissolved in that time frame.
But now- Im Mrs MM so there you go– in fact she changed back to her maiden name and I am taking his- so her children will now have MY last name- go figure
Post # 13
That’s how it is when you get involved with someone who isn’t 100% free and clear to move on. Hopefully this will be resolved soon so you can all move on, but I don’t blame the ex for going after what she’s legally entitled to…
Post # 14
That is why my rules for dating someone were
1. could not have been married before, and certainly not going through a divorce currently
2. no children
3. does not want children
I actually walked away right after meeting guys when I found out they had a kid. No baby mama drama for me!!
Post # 15
@SoontobeMrsA: I don’t think he’s specifically trying to not pay child support but because they cannot document how he makes money the courts cannot actually force him to pay anything. I most certainly agree that he should assist in paying for his child but I think it will have to be done in a different way rather then automatic debit.
Post # 16
@Crisark: hey, i just want you to understand that I was NEVER his mistress. We met long after his separation from his wife. I’m sorry to hear that your ex-husband had a mistress; but, not all situations are the same as yours.
Just to give some background: we are not trying to expedite the divorce so that we can run down the isle with each other. Yes, we do want to enjoy our lives together; however, Immigration is giving him a super hard time because it’s not finalized yet. No divorce = no immigration document = no getting a job to support his child. Now, do you think that’s fair??? Obviously she is a bad mother since she isn’t considering the best interest of her child in this case.