Ex wife in our lives

posted 3 months ago in Relationships
Post # 31
Member
479 posts
Helper bee

princessanon0125 :  You might want to go back and read what she said – she didn’t say wedding pictures nor in the kids rooms – she just stated pictures of her in the basement. In the children’s room is different than a picture of the mom not in a kid’s room.

Post # 32
Member
968 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

sweetdee89 :  Agreed. Bedrooms are fine, shared areas of the house are not.

Post # 33
Member
343 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2005

sweetdee89 :  If the kids wanted to hang their pictures in the basement, on the stairs, in the living room, it wouldnt bother me. Im fairly secure. Im on really good terms with the ex wife and her husband.  We chat with them a couple of times a day. I routinely speak with her new husband. 

There is no feelings for the other party involved and I think thats why it works for us. My Darling Husband cares about his children and caring about them means having a happy relationship with their mother. I care about the kids and caring means having a happy relationship with their mother and her new husband. They feel the same as we do. 

Last month the ex wife was taking them while we were going on a pre planned vacation, and their hotel room wasnt ready because of flooding. They spent the night at our house. Was I worried that my husband was going to have a secret assignation with his ex wife? Not in the least. We have been invited to stay at their house on multiple occasions and have done so. 

The happiest homes are the homes where the parents married or divorce get along. If Dh’s ex called in the middle of the night, we have the sort of relationship where I could say hey, its late, someone better be injured or dying…Our kids are a lot more well rounded for having two sets of parents who care about them and get along in the process. 

Post # 34
Member
479 posts
Helper bee

princessanon0125 :  I’m glad that it all works out for you. What works for you may not work for others.

Unfortunatley, in my case, when my ex was over caring for the kids when the mom was at late work meetings, he was having sex with her and got her pregnant with another one. So she wasn’t always out of the house and it wasn’t just about the kids. So while you may think it’s ridiculous (what I got from your tone in your response) it does happen and happened to me.

I was very involved with the kids – they were 1 and a new born when we started dating. Had them every weekend and he would go over to her place to spend time with them twice a week. He said she would be out of the house during this. She also had another relationship and the guy moved in with her as well too. The cheating happened on nights her new live in boyfriend wasn’t home.

The communication with them was also constant which I thought was all about the kids considering their ages and going through so many firsts. Yet again, I was wrong and it wasn’t always that.

Anyway – don’t want to derail, but just shed light that these situations aren’t as silly as some think and they do happen.

Post # 35
Member
697 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

 

Leanne1 :  My husband has a horrible c word for an exwife. They can barely talk to each other and there is close to zero coparenting- it’s her way or the highway and we just have to deal with it. It really affects their daughter in a negative way, and quite significantly. For that reason, I would say to try to develop a relationship with the kids’ mom. I’m not saying be BFFs but try to find the confidence and security to know that you are the one for your Fiance and support the blended family you’re about to officially have. I can’t tell you how much of a difference it makes for the kids.

The picture thing and frequent texting is a to each their own thing for me, some might be bothered by it while others wouldn’t be. If you are bothered, you and your Fiance need to come up with a middle ground that both of you are happy with. This isn’t going to be the first thing you don’t agree on, so this is a great opportunity to find a way to communicate well through a difficult situation. 

Post # 36
Member
343 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2005

sweetdee89 :  Im really sorry that happened to you. By the same token what happened to you isnt necessarily whats happening in this situation. I think everyone has to do what works for them. If OP is having insecurities then those need to be addressed, but hoping the ex wife is going to just disappear over time just isnt going to happen. 

Not all ex’s get along and not all ex’s are out to sleep together again behind the backs of their new spouses. In our situation we found a way to co parent that was healthy for our kids. Our kids are rather proud of the fact that they have two moms and two dads.  Their mom routinely refers to me as their mom, not step mom, and the same with Darling Husband. He routinely refers to ex wife’s new husband as dad, not step dad. Ours is a unique situation. We really do put the children before all other things. 

Post # 37
Member
479 posts
Helper bee

princessanon0125 :  You are absolutley right. What happend to me isn’t necessarily what is going on for others. By no means do I want to imply that or make it sound so. I’m definitley aware not all exes are out to be with eachother again. That relationship ended 2 1/2 years ago and it took me a long time to process through a lot! Yikes.

I’m glad your situation works out the way it does. I truly am! My brother’s fiance’s parents divorced and it wasn’t pretty. Often there was bad talking about the other parent to the kids and what not. She has told me about it a few times and I think that’s awful! I’m 100% for honest and open communication and for the parents to make it work for the kids. They don’t deserve anything but positiveness. I have seen too many people in relationships where the parents are vile and treat the kids as pawns.

But it also comes down to OP and setting some boundaries a bit. Another OP mentioned nothing after 8pm unless it’s an emergency which is a good idea. I think OP and her Fiance need to figure out what works for everyone and the kids regarding the texting and talking.

Post # 38
Member
949 posts
Busy bee

 

To the op: I have two children with two different fathers. I am a fairly independent single mom but yes sometimes I need to call their fathers for opinions, schedule changes, emergencies. My ex and I have sat in a hospital room overnight on more than one occasion. We have went to meals with my children’s father and their siblings just because. Sometimes my exes other children come to our house for sleepovers. I think it makes for healthier relationships amongst the children.

I do have pictures of our past tucked away for the kids for a time that they might ask for them.

It takes a certain level of maturity to  be involved with someone that shares kids.

 

I think you have zero experience in this department…sweetdee89 :  

Post # 39
Member
949 posts
Busy bee

You had an ex issue… not a coparenting issue. sweetdee89 :  

Post # 40
Member
479 posts
Helper bee

penny1403 :  take your assumptions elsewhere. I went through it all and have experience.

Post # 41
Member
479 posts
Helper bee

penny1403 :  nope, I had both. But thanks for assuming as well!!!!

Post # 42
Member
7902 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

sweetdee89 :  

Take no notice of penny1403 : Not a person given to much compassion/understanding/empathy,

“Sweetie” indeed! As if there weren’t  enough men around calling us patronising names . 

Post # 43
Member
479 posts
Helper bee

elderbee :  are you referring to my username? It’s actually taken from a show – it’s always sunny in Philadelphia. Not meant to be sweetie but Sweet Dee. Lol

Post # 44
Member
968 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

princessanon0125 :  That’s wonderful for you, but that’s simply not reality for many blended families. 

Post # 45
Member
343 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2005

wineosaur :  It should be though shouldnt it? To many kids have to deal with warring ex’s, parents who cant be in the same room without the tension so thick it could be cut with a knife. I realize that people have the right to be angry with people, but my take is this. If you have children with someone then you should make every effort to make the lives of your children easier. 

Of course I realize this isnt always possible with some ex’s for reasons like abuse, lack of co parenting skills, lack of interest from the other parent, and issues arising from the divorce, i.e one partner cheated and the other is still angry, one person dumped the other. Children should never be pawns. 

Sorry off my soap box lol…shouldnt be thread jacking either.

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors