Post # 1
Hi Bees! This is my first post. 🙂
I don’t know what to do. We announced our date (Sept. 13, 2013) 18 months in advance, everything has deposits, some are paid off and ready to rock…
Well….fiances cousin announced her date. Guess what it is? Yup, Sept. 13, 2013. She has nothing planned, no deposits, and refuses to change her date. She says ‘she wasn’t sure if ours was Oct 13 or Sept 13, but she picked Sept anyway’.Oh, and she went and got her date tattooed on her to be clear she wants that day. So tacky.
Ours is set for 5pm. She plans to have hers around 2pm 50 miles away. We have no alcohol at our wedding, she’ll have plenty.
His family is saying they will ‘try’ to make it to our wedding. Our feeling is that we don’t want people show up obnoxiously intoxicated. Also, we don’t want to pay per plate for people who will ‘try’ to show up, but we’re having a sit down dinner so what do they do when everyone else is eating? So what do we do?
Ughh!!!! Rippng my hair out.
Post # 3
wow!!!! That is just crazy. Why on earth would she not just call you and ask when your date was if she wasn’t sure. That is soooo rude of her!
Post # 4
Wow! What a horrible cousin. I do not even know what to say, I would be really upset. I would just invite the people you want to invite and then make sure they RSVP if they are coming or not.
Post # 6
@jbridea: We’re sending out RSVP cards, but we just don’t know what to do about people who we think will RSVP a yes with food choice, but really it’s a ‘we’ll try to make it in time’ kind of thing and they end up not making it in time, then we’re stuck paying for a wasted plate.
Post # 7
If your FI’s cousin wasn’t sure if your wedding date was Sept or Oct and didn’t bother to find out she obviously didn’t care and did what she wanted. Plus to have the date tattood is pretty bold. It’s like she’s saying “Well I can’t change the date now, I have it tattood on my body”. She doesn’t seem to bright to not even ask for sure.
I think it would be hard for your FI’s family to try to make it to both weddings. If her’s is at 2pm and to allow for travel time they’d have only a few hours to enjoy the reception. The only thing you can do is ask her nicely to change her date and if her only excuse is her tattoo theres always artists that do great cover up work. If she refuses then I’d either try to move your ceremony time later or not count on his family being there even if they say they’ll try to come. If they’re having fun at her wedding it would be hard to pry themselves away and not end up showing up.
I wish I had better advise for you, you’re in a tough situation. Good luck.
Post # 8
Ask her to change the 3 in her tattoo to an 8
Post # 9
@cilantro_pancake: “Didn’t know?” Sounds completely pre-meditated, if you ask me. Like, “Oops, I even got a tattoo of it, that’s how unsure of your exact date I was!”
Like other PPs said, couldn’t she just have called? Yikes. No advice, just hugs and sympathy!
Post # 10
If you haven’t done Save The Dates yet, do them NOW. Go to the store, buy some cheap ones, hand write in your name and date, and send them out to everyone on that side of the family (except cousin’s immediate family who will obviously go to hers no matter what). Do that TODAY.
Then follow-up with phone calls in a week or so, explaining that you picked your date first, you announced your date first, you paid deposits first, you send Save The Dates first, and so you believe your wedding takes precedence.
Post # 11
@bythebeach: +1 haha! But seriously, the same thing happened to my cousin with a cousin from her other side of the family, minus the tattoo. Basically it split her dad’s family in half with some attending one wedding and some the other. My cousin was disappointed as she had the date long before her other cousin decided on it too. Very rude and inconsiderate. Maybe you’ll just have a slightly smaller guest list after rsvps arrive than you originally expected. As for ppl replying they’ll try to be there and then not showing up…that’ll happen no matter what. You will pay for their plate b/c you have to. Some ppl just dont get wedding ettiquette at all. I’m sorry this happened, just focus on your day and those who will make you their priority. 🙂
Post # 12
Wow, no words. I’m shocked.
Can you change your date? Its far enouhg in advance that you could move it to the 14th? I know, I know, why should you try to change your date, but why deal with all this drama and stress. I’d try to change my date since its 10 months away, explaining to vendors exactly what your trashy cousin did, and I’m sure they would have no problem moving it one day, hell even he following weekend. Then I would notify this cousin that she is no longer welcomed to attend. Thats just me though………..
Post # 14
I hope that you will back to update us!
Post # 15
What a bitch! I hope all the venues in her area are already booked for that date.
Post # 16
Unbelievable! A certain name comes to my mind when I read this…..She is a C-U-Next-Tuesday!
I am so sorry you’re having to deal with this! *hugs*
What do you think you’re gonna do?