(Closed) exactly how much do you give back to the ex post breakup?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
7437 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

I think you should try to sell what you can and don’t want to keep.

Post # 4
Member
283 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I gave mine the ring back because the symbolism of it was no longer there.  I had kept other jewelry he bought me.  If you like the art i would keep it, but if it its making you sad i would say give it back also…i would keep the watch, you never know when you may wanna wear it again…also, unless you like wearing those clothes (i loved hubbys band shirts) i would give them back….as you can tell we ended up getting back together lol

Post # 5
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

If he wants it back, I would give the art on the wall type of stuff, but the watch and presents are yours! I would sell those and keep the money for a splurge for spa or something.

Post # 6
Member
862 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@bluehydrangeas:  The law in most places is such that with the exception of engagement rings, he cannot force you to return GIFTS.  It sounds like you don’t really want to keep them anyway (and I don’t blame you), but you do have the right to donate or sell them if you don’t want to return them to him.  However, clothes that he left behind are still considered his property.  You will also have to return the engagement ring (if he asks for it) because they’re considered a legal contract to marry the person, even if it’s his own fault that you didn’t marry him.  He might let you keep the ring, though (as one of my exes did). 

I’m really sorry you have to go through this. 🙁  I sent you a PM last night.

Post # 7
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

@MoonlightRose:  return the engagement ring (if he asks for it) because they’re considered a legal contract to marry the person,

Good to know!

Post # 8
Member
862 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@happyface:  You learn something new every day. 🙂 lol  I would also advise the OP that if he does decide to let her keep the ring, I would get that in writing so he can’t come after her later if she sells it.

Post # 10
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

We lived together beforehand, so we each got our own stuff back. The stuff that we bought together, (PS3, furniture, etc.) we split up based on cost and how much each wanted it and took into account things like depreciation, how near it was to becoming obsolete, etc. We worked at it until we got nearly even dollar amounts. Then we split the wedding fund 50/50. He told me to take the rings “for now” and that he would ask about them later if need be. They ended up getting stolen by an unscrupulous maintenance person at the apartment I was living in at the time, so in the end neither of us got to keep those.

Post # 11
Member
862 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Cory_loves_this_girl:  My turn to learn something new, then. lol  The OP should definitely look into the laws for her specific area.

Post # 12
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

The best advice I ever got about this was don’t throw away/sell/burn the stuff right now. Take it all down, put it in a box, put the box in a closet or give it to a friend to store if it bothers you just knowing that it’s there. Then, when you have some distance and it it isn’t so raw anymore (obviously, this can take a long time), go through it with new eyes. It may be that you love some of the things independent of what it used to symbolize, or you may still want to get rid of all or most of it. Getting rid of stuff in the first wave of emotion can be cathartic, but it may set you up for regrets in the long run.

Post # 13
Member
2587 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - UK

Huh, I’d heard that he couldn’t legally make you return the ring because it’s a gift. Looking on Wikipedia, that’s only the case in the UK – unless he gave it to you on something like Christmas, or Valentine’s day, or another traditional ‘gift giving’ day…

I think what it comes down to is the terms you guys finished on, and how you want to handle it. You could stick it all on ebay, and then splurge on a pamper day for yourself to make you feel better, but if you’re still civil it might be best to check with him first.

Post # 15
Member
862 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@chronicwhimsy:  It’s in the United States as well.  Possibly not all of the states as another poster has suggested, though.

 

@bluehydrangeas:  I agree that packing it all up in a box and letting someone from his family (or possibly a friend of his) pick it up is the best way of dealing with it. 

Post # 16
Member
6355 posts
Bee Keeper

If you broke up with him, he should get back the e-ring.

If you two broke up for any other reason than him cheating, he should get back his stuff.

You’re not supposed to give him back gifts, they were gifts.

If he cheated, I believe the appropriate protocol is making a big bonfire of his stuff on the lawn.

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