(Closed) Exactly how much does your SO's physical appearance mean to you?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 47
Member
2278 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@JennaJay13:  Yes, without a doubt, because I’ve found that I’m much more attracted to larger guys, so if Channing Tatum gained 100 lbs, I’d find him even hotter.

@IzzyBear:  I am eating healthy, and the correct amount, and this is why my weight has not recently increased, etc etc.

Post # 48
Member
794 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015 - Backyard Forest

@Laurenskii:  

Sorry, I just added that based on your story and the topic question “Exactly how much does your SO’s physical appearance mean to you?” 

In the context of that question – asking about drastic appearance changes would apply. It might be interesting “pick each others brain” discussion to have! I have a male cousin who is your typical bachelor guy that goes only after the hottest girls in the world, and nothing else matters at first. I always tell him if he’s going to find a wife one day he has to look beyond that… because if she was drastically burned, her appearance will be gone. 

The question you’re really asking about gaining 100lbs is…

Would you love your SO if they completely let their health and appearance go? 


and I think that’s why you’re getting these kinds of responses.


Post # 49
Member
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

When I met my Fiance we were both working. Sure I thought he was okay looking but his personality drew me in. Over the last 3 years of our relationship he has had 2 open heart surgeries, 3 mild heart surgeries, 2 leg surgeries, and he will be going in for his 3rd leg surgery where they are going to lengthen his tendon in a leg that was compromised during his first open heart surgery while we were together. He is not the best looking man in the world to other people but to me he is nothing less than perfect.  

Post # 50
Member
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@classical_wolf:  yes but thats exactly my point…for you, it would be an improvement, but it still counts as a change in attraction.  Either way, you’re not equally as attracted to him as you were before.

Post # 52
Member
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

It matters to me. He likes to grow his hair out longish, I absolutely hate it. He looks messy, disheveled and sloppy. The rage I feel inside is really not comparable to anything else.

Post # 53
Member
567 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think we, as people, tend to take our looks for granted.  And those of the people we care about as well.  It’s easy to say I would still be attracted to Fiance at a much higher weight, but how can I really be sure until I see him that way? 

one of the books we read for premarital counseling talked about this.  How one or both partners may value physical attractiveness to a point that it is a “need” in that relationship.  If that “need” isn’t met, the partner who values is may become unhappy.  I definitely think this is different in each relationship and the “need” is either greater or less.  

Post # 54
Member
2278 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@JennaJay13:  Ah, very true. Sorry, I’m having a wretched day.

@Laurenskii:  ….He’d be quite thin and even less attractive to me.

Post # 55
Member
1285 posts
Bumble bee

I love everything about my Fiance. 

I have lots of scars (breast reduction) and stretch marks from having 2 kids…I wouldn’t want him thinking my physical appearance was important or not to him.  I’m almost 39, 130 pounds and look in my mid 20’s so I don’t think he has anything to complain about. 

Post # 56
Member
885 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

@JennaJay13:  It is a form of delusion in my opinion.  You can still be attracted, but not equally so.  That’s my opinion. 

Post # 57
Member
2966 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@classical_wolf:  I think you should consider that the OP was talking about a change in that same relationship. Your situation does not apply, so please do not take this personally. You are happy and healthy and that is all that matters! 🙂 

I think @IzzyBear:  was simply saying that while weight is not an issue, a large amount of weight gain in an already existing relationship could definitely affect how the partners feel about each other. 

I met my FH at this weight and so did he. If out of nowhere I gain a lot of weight, what is he to do? I wouldn’t look like the girl he fell in love with anymore – even though I’m still her. That same level of attraction would no longer exist for him. HOWEVER if someone else would meet me at that heavier point in my life, he could find me even more attractive. It’s a matter of taste & where you’re coming from. 

I hope that makes sense 😛

Post # 58
Member
9950 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Encore Bride, Older Bee here

Truthfully this is all a case of genetics.

When we are younger (which most Bees here are… in their 20s & 30s) physical appearance is more important than as we age

The reason is, we are hard-wired as humans to seek out healthy individuals to reproduce with… this is why men naturally “prefer” women with long healthy hair, a good body-mass-index (waist to hip ratio) and well developed boobs.

The younger the man, at that point in their lives… it is less about the “content” of the woman’s head, and more about her physical appearance (which also explains WHY men are visual creatures sexually).  All of the above elements meant that a woman was usually healthy reproductively, and babies (and her in childbirth) had a greater chance of survival.

Not to say us women are imune either.  We are also out biologically looking for men who are tall, athletic, and in good shape.  (All elements that historically meant that a man could work hard, care and provide for his woman and offspring… including fight off wild animals or other foes)

Women, however tend to have another feature that comes into play a lot earlier than it does for men.

We also value what goes on in a guys head (lol, the one upstairs).  As we realize that being able to be more than just braun is important.  A guy who can think well can make determinations that are good for her, and her family’s well being.

And a man who is also a thinker, typically is the guy who also is more trustworthy in a relationship cause he’s come to realize what is and isn’t important in life thru life’s lessons he’s learned personally or heard / been taught about.

The sad thing is, that young people still have to many times figure all this nature stuff out for themselves (puberty – 20s – and beyond) … and go thru exactly the same life lessons that every other generation before them has experienced.

Which is exactly why here on WBee on the EMOTIONAL BOARDS you’ll find women (either young women, or women who are in “transition” dealing with imature men and how badly they are treated by them.  Women who are head over heels in love with someone who isn’t necessarily the same with them.  Men who they don’t deserve.  Because sadly they hooked up at a less mature / all animalistic stage in their lives)

Lol, now by the time one gets to my age and that of Mr TTR

We see life a bit differently.

Sure we still want a guy or gal who looks great … healthy for their age.

BUT we’ve also come to realize that physical appearance and “the body” is just a pod in which the rest of the person lives.  What goes on inside one’s head & heart is the MOST IMPORTANT ELEMENT … and what is the key factor in a relationship.

And that makes a lot of sense really… as our sexual reproductive cycle is indeed greatest before 50… lol, actually it is greatest in our teens & 20s, right about the time, when we are most body focussed, and our brains tend to be “checked out” of the equation for many folks.

Anyhow…

Mr TTR and I are far from a “beautiful couple” on the outside… as we are far past our prime now.  So you won’t find us on any magazine covers (lol, you won’t even find our Wedding Pics here on WBee)

BUT what we lack in outer beauty, we certainly make up for on in inner beauty, and common sense.

Mr TTR has outright told me that he believes that a RICHER TRUER LOVE happens for couples after 50 (be they NEW Couples, or those that have been together forever…).

Because we are older and truly do appreciate what it is we have… and how fleeting it can be (certainly true for the 2 of us). 

We have a lot of friends in theirs 60s and 70s who have been married, 30, 40, 50+ years, and they are so incredibly in-tune with one another… and very sweet to one another.  And I think this comes from the appreciation for what they have together, and the life they have shared… hardship, kids, grandkids… and the knowledge that life is precious, and “their time” remaining as a couple is limited

Before 50, and Mr TTR says there is oftentimes waaaay too much LUST in the equation sometimes for one’s own good.

And hence why couples can take things for granted… and guys (or gals) can have their heads turned by another… and get into an affair, or leave their marriage

They have somehow “forgotten” the loving emmotional (head stuff) that went on in their relationship that took from JUST LOVERS to being in a Committed Relationship / Engaged / Married.

Infact he told me a story once about how when he was a younger man, he was a bit of a bad boy and liked to chase all the pretty girls… hoping to “hook up with them”… he admits he was a LUST driven guy in his teens & 20s.  Sad thing is he got too serious / enagaged / married to a few of them as well… so smitten he was by their good looks.  Of course none of that worked out… and he would always end up heartbroken.  And back in the game.

This time round, with me and being older… he wasn’t really looking for marriage again (like myself, coming off of a long term 20+ marriage / horrid divorce)… he was looking for friendship / companionship.  We were friends before we were dating… having met thru mutual friends.  And our friendship was easy… and I wanted to take things slow… infact I didnt’ think I wanted to date at all, let alone ever marry again.

So things developed over time.  And eventually we dated, became lovers, moved in together… and at 7+ years we got married.

Funny thing is, I am no beauty queen.  Infact, I don’t look anything like any of the women who he previously was with whatsoever.

But he’ll tell you I am the SEXIEST woman he’s ever know… as we are always on the same wave length.  As he fell in love with my HEAD & HEART first.  He admits he is most attracted to me because I LOVE HIM 100% ENTIRELY … something that he treasures… something he is pretty certain no one else has ever done.  I LOVE HIM, HE LOVES ME… and most importantly we TRUST each other.

This is a Relationship / Marriage that is woven together in a tight intricate, beautiful pattern.

And just so as to waylay anyones ideas about middle age…

It is still very much “game on” in the bedroom as well.  Sexy is most definitely being with someone you LOVE TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH… doesn’t matter your age or shape (or theirs).

As they say good sex truly happens in your brain (and your heart) more than it ever does with your body !!

Hope this helps,

 

Post # 60
Member
2278 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Mimoza:  True, indeed. Sorry if I’ve been a bit out of it and snippy.

@IzzyBear:  I’m really sorry.

Post # 61
Member
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Waitingbee57:  I also forgot to mention that my Fiance has gained over 80 lbs since we first got together and I think he looks just as amazing as ever. We are both working at losing weight.

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