(Closed) Exactly how much does your SO's physical appearance mean to you?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 62
Member
2515 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

It wouldn’t be an issue for us. We have both been through yo-yo weights. It’s not naive for me to think this; it’s what we have both said and shown to each other.

Like ClassicalWolf said, concern would start if weight got to the point that it was affecting mobility, but sexual attraction wouldn’t be an issue.

I knew something was different about SO when I met him. I had a feeling the first time I saw him. But I didn’t feel the physical attraction until later. We flirted for awhile and hung out as friends for a few weeks. I became very attracted to him as a person. We went out on our first date, but I still didn’t feel fireworks. One day soon after, he casually touched my back, and I felt electricity through my whole body. A few nights later we were playing cards. I looked at him, and I just wanted to eat him. He was and continues to be the handsomest man alive in my eyes. I like what a PP said about a heart and soul connection. That definitely fuels our attraction.

 

Post # 63
Member
2564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

FI’s weight has fluctuated since we’ve been together.  When we first got together, he had lost a significant amount of weight – now he’s about 20 – 25 lbs heavier, but I don’t care. 

Post # 65
Member
2113 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@Laurenskii:  FI isn’t conventionally handsome. His looks aren’t what attracted me to him. I would be shocked if he gained weight because of how fit and healthy he is and how overall slender his family is. If he did, though, I don’t think I’d mind. Honestly, he could use a little more meat in his bones. He’s a stick right now. Gosh, I make it sound like he’s got a “great personality.” I’m very much physically attracted to him and think he’s incredibly good looking, but he’s no model.

Post # 66
Member
6107 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

@classical_wolf:  nothing to be sorry about! I do want you to know that I’m not picking on people who are overweight. I would also feel that way if my Fiance were to lose tons of weight because that is also unhealthy and that can also indicate some underlying mental problems.

Post # 67
Member
6107 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Mimoza:  thanks girl! That’s exactly what I meant. A change in the relationship. 

Post # 68
Member
2966 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@classical_wolf:  Tell me about it. We all have those days!! No worries. 

@Laurenskii:  πŸ™‚ It’s tough getting the complete message across through text. 

@IzzyBear:  πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ NP

Post # 69
Member
5188 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

@Laurenskii:  OK then well as far as weight goes… he was about 50 lbs. lighter when we met. He was an athlete all the way up through high school. At the time we started dating I was only 17 so of course looks mattered A LOT! Over time he got bigger, and bigger, and bigger. Now he hovers around 200 and it’s all in his belly. The rest of him is still skinny. Does he look great in a bathing suit? Eh, not so much haha. But I love him all the same. A long time ago we had the same kind of conversation you described. I asked him at what weight would he stop being attracted to me. He bluntly said 160. Some years ago I got quite sick and had to take a powerful medication which caused me to reach exactly 160. It didn’t affect our sex life at all! Now he says my ideal weight in his eyes would be 123 (odd number, right?). I’m 10 lbs. under and haven’t heard any complaints. When I was 106 I heard a lot of complaints! He was so grossed out by my collar bone specifically. I just want him to be healthy, no matter how fat he gets and I think he feels the same way about me.

Post # 71
Member
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Physical appearance does matter to us to an extent. If Darling Husband gained a ton of weight I’d still love him but I wouldn’t be physically attracted to him anymore. I wouldn’t leave him over it, though. And he feels the same way about me – he’d still love me and he’d stay with me, but the physical attraction wouldn’t be there anymore.

Post # 74
Member
2515 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Laurenskii:  I felt compelled to add something. I am sorry about your grandpa. I am sure that you wish he would live to be 100.

But it’s really not accurate to state that he is dying due to lifestyle choices. He’s 75. He’s lived his life and is at the age where most people’s lives end.

 

Post # 75
Member
5373 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@MrsPanda99:  I 100% agree.

He was about 60 lbs lighter when we met… but we met when we were 17 (we’re 22 now) so weight changes are bound to happen aha (he was extremely thin back then anyways). I gained about 30lbs when I first started university and then dropped 45lbs very quickly when I first got sick with my undiagnosed chronic illness about two years ago. I’m currently the same size I was in highschool. We are not any less attracted to each other than back when we first met and my weight gain did not have any huge affect on his level of physical attraction. If he gained even more weight I would still be attracted to him, because I’m attracted to who he is as a person. I would never leave him because of it, even if he wasn’t ready to lose the weight. I know that even after we have a couple of kids and my body isn’t as perky and has a ton of extra pregnancy weight, that he will still be attracted to me and will stay with me.

In terms of general physical appearance, I wouldn’t have ever started dating my SO if he didn’t look clean or ‘put together’. He was (and still is) extremely attractive though and always looked very presentable and like he cared about his appearance. If he ever stopped caring about his appearance and started wearing sweat pants with stains and holes, stopped going to the dentist, stopped shaving, stopped showering, etc.. then I would be having a talk with him πŸ˜‰ That stuff would bother me more than weight gain, but I still wouldn’t leave him for it. Our vows aren’t “I will love, respect, and honour you as my husband, with all that I have and all that I am, until you gain 100lbs, stop showering, and dress like a slob” πŸ˜‰

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