(Closed) Exactly how much does your SO's physical appearance mean to you?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 107
815 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@SoupyCat:  That’s a good point. Originally I was thinking I would not leave Darling Husband if he gained a lot of weight or significantly altered his appearance, but I would think, like you said, that it would be indicative of a larger issue involving a significant personality/priority change. If someone gains 100+ pounds, almost certainly they either have a major medical issue that needs to be addresses, or they’re suffering from depression of some kind.


Post # 108
1146 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@SoupyCat:  I am with my SO as he the “whole package”. For him to degrade one major aspect of himself, whether internal or external, would signal problems between us.

Totally agree with this.

Post # 109
1460 posts
Bumble bee

@Laurenskii: I’m totally winning in this thread as I happen to be a chubby chaser…

My Fiance is chubby/stocky and I’ve dated guys that were bigger than him. While health is always #1 concern and he’s pretty healthy even with the extra weight, I probably wouldn’t be as physically attracted to him if he were say, 100 lbs lighter. I highly doubt I’d leave…but it’d be a freakin’ quandary lol


Post # 110
885 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009


@QueenOfSerendip:    And this is what some of us (at least me) were trying to communicate.  Such drastic gain weight is usually indicative of other changes that are not physical but of personality and/or character.  It is not a  matter of wanting our husbands to be “hot.”  My husband is probably not hot for some people’s standards (and I am not either, probably).  It is a matter of wanting him to be the same person (or substantially the same person) we fell in love with, and such a drastic weight gain usually comes with other changes that are indicative of a deeper issue. 

Post # 111
473 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@MrsPanda99:  Aww yeah it is nice to finally have a friend on here!


That sounds like a good idea. Have a nice day and just realise that not everyone is going to agree and they can think what they like, just as long as we can think what we like :). For me, as I am in the UK is it is 10pm.

Post # 112
734 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2007

His weight doesn’t matter as long as he is physically healthy.

Post # 113
923 posts
Busy bee

@Laurenskii:  I think it depends, if he gained 100lbs because of a serious helth problem I would try to stick it out with him and vice versa, but we both care about how we look and attraction is a big part of our relationship. Sex is also very important to both of us so if it was taking a toll on our sex life it would be a big problem. We both try to eat healthy and take care of ourselves, because it is important to us so it would be hard if one of use stopped caring about those things. I also don’t think it makes me shallow to want to have a partner that I am attracted to and shares the same values as me, I would feel the same way if he decided he wanted to drink all of the time, or quit his job and live in a commune!

Post # 114
2278 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@BridalBeckyBee:  Indeed. My attraction to someone goes beyond the physical. Vows don’t stop just because appearance may.

Post # 115
1654 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I don’t mind what Fiance looks like. I was pretty much only attracted to his personality at first and his looks grew on me later. I sometimes chide him that he’s too lanky but it’s always just in good humor.

As for him with me, I gained 60lbs since the start of this relationship and he says he likes the way I look now more than the old me, so that’s nice to know ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 116
1955 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

My husband and I are both on the bigger side, and if for once I thought that would bother me, I wouldn’t have married him. While we aren’t completely healthy, we’re definitely not unhealthy. Darling Husband has been able to lose weight very easily. We’re happy enough with how much we weigh. I wouldn’t leave him for gaining 20kg, because he’s been bigger than he is now +20kg in our relationship and I’ve loved him regardless. He’s definitely the sexiest man I’ve ever met. I’m attracted to his mind, personality and soul…his looks are just an added bonus ๐Ÿ˜‰ 

Post # 117
1773 posts
Buzzing bee

Appearance is imoprtant to me. I can deal with a lot of things, but weight isn’t one of them. I have never in my life found a bigger man attractive. I don’t mean that in a mean way, it’s just the truth. I love lanky frames. I like prettier men. Long hair, lovely eyes and so forth. If I was with someone and they balloon up 100 pounds I would love them, but not be attracted to them and from my own weight issues feel a little panicked about the situation.


I will never ever let myself gain weight over a certain mark. That is a problem and in a way a blessing. It really is an issue of mine, but I wanted to bring it up because that does play into it.


I could find him attractive if he had, say, a shitty mustache though. And man, I hate mustaches.

Post # 119
4655 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Husband and I have agreed to do our best to stay roughly within “normal” BMI until we are 55. If there is minor failure, whatever. If it gets extreme, we’ve agreed to help each other get/stay reasonably fit. It’s not the most important thing, but being physically attracted to each other DOES matter. 

After 55 though, we also agreed all bets are off and we can do whatever we want. ๐Ÿ˜›

Post # 121
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@Laurenskii:  I met my FH online, and had no idea what he looked like for a long time. I lucked out though, he is very handsome. I felt worried that I was not attractive enough for him (and I still have those feelings sometimes). We also had the “If I gained 100 lbs”, talk and we both agreed that we would still stay together. I love his looks, he’s gorgeous, but if he had turned out not being attractive, I would still be with him.

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