(Closed) Exboyfriend got married

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 62
1466 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

I feel for you and I feel for his wife. What is going on with either of you that you would tolerate this kind of treatment from a slug like him? He has total power: sounds like the guy who gets into relationships with women, tears down their self-esteem by endlessly criticizing them, and manages to keep them on the hook when he discards them like worthless toys. Do you want to spend your life being pitted against this guy’s wife – do you want to continue being treated so terribly?

He’s gotten you to the point where you’re desperate for his approval. You jump over hoops trying to win him back – and occasionally, you get clarity and call him out for his behavior, only to sink back into begging for approval. Bullshit. You don’t need his approval. You do need to get away from him before he destroys your life.

He has no interest in working things out with you. His agenda is probably to get you to accept all of the fault and blame for everything that previously happened. Then you’ll get back together. Then things will be horrible again. Then he’ll leave you. Then the cycle will continue again and again. I’ve seen it in my own family – I have a few relatives who have been repeating this scenario with the same guy for *decades*.

You have the keys to your own prison, OP. Don’t make the same choice. Don’t let yourself get to 40 or 50 or 60 having spent years on someone who couldn’t love and care for you back. Stop contacting him altogether. Don’t answer him. Change your e-mail address, your phone number, etc. If he knows where you work, see if you can change your schedule (if he threatens you, contact the authorities, family, friends and your employer to make them aware of what’s going on).

Change your locks. Passwords for any sites you use online. However you think he might react if he finds he’s suddenly cut off and he no longer has a screw buddy at his disposal. No one deserves to be treated the way he has treated you.

Find ways to fill the gaps. You’re apparently involved in the life of your niece – spend more time with her. Get friends together (or go out and make new ones – look for classes at community centers and community colleges where you might be able to meet like-minded people). Get involved in demonstrations, charities, church or clubs.

And I do think you should get counseling. This guy has done a number on you – and until that’s addressed, it’s quite possible you may go on to repeat this problem with other jerks.

Post # 64
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

he slept with you 2 weeks before he married his wife….


this should be the ONLY red flag you need



if he would do it to her, then he’ll do it to you..


Post # 65
1094 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Confuscious10:  He’s your ex for a reason. Perhaps someday long down the road you can find a way to be friends.  For now? Cut all ties and distance yourself. You don’t need this mess in your life!

Post # 66
1071 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Well lets’s see…he cheated on you and now he’s cheating on her.  Do you really think this will end well. 

First thing you need to do is block his phone number.  Then you need to focus on yourself and boosting your self esteeem.  Once you’re healed and happy with who you are you you’ll realize when manipulative jerks like this are just stringing you along for their own pleasure.

Post # 67
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Confuscious10:  RUN! And never look back. YOU WILL BE SO MUCH HAPPIER WITHOUT HIM. On a related note, are you getting married to another man on Oct 31, 2013? I am hoping that’s just a random date you selected when you joined wedding bee!

View original reply
@badabing88:  +1! Time to cut off communication with this guy and reflect!

Post # 68
796 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

He is toxic.

Move on, block him. 

Post # 69
2073 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

You need to act in a way that you would want your daughter to act.

He treats you this way because you let him.

You are just as at fault as this guy is.  

Know your worth!

Post # 70
1292 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Confuscious10:  what the hell are you doing? This guy is a disaster. Why would you want to hang around for such a train wreck? Do you really think he can just healthily just bounce back and forth between women like that? With a kid no less? Leave the whole thing alone and write it off as a learning experience.

Post # 72
803 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Greenbrier Country Club

Been in a similar situation; he is not worth it! It took me forever to get over my ex, but soooo glad I cut him off!
You need a man who knows he wants to be with you, not one who isn’t sure and strings you along like that.

Post # 73
1292 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Confuscious10:  I think you should strive not to just simply be back to where you were before he contacted you again bc where you were then allowed you to come crawling back to him after he says a few meaningless words to you. You should strive to be in a place where you wouldn’t dream of getting involved with a guy who was with someone else and just “confused”. You shut that shit down out of self respect and consideration of the other woman.

Post # 74
959 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

OP please tell me your arent one of those women who stands around waiting for some scum bag to wake up and realize your the love of his life.

Sounds like you hoped he would cancel his wedding, and drop her for you. Now you know he is married and your still messing around with him. Maybe not physically, but at least emotionally.

First of all I dont really feel sorry for you. I feel sorry for the poor woman who is his wife. She probably doesnt realize that her husband is a douchebag and you’re no better. 

You were hoping for a relationship with him while he was still married, at least until he showed his true colors again.

You need some therapy, to figure out why you would want to associate with a man that you know for a fact cheats..Let me tell you something honey, you arent that special or he would have never married the other woman in the first place if you were.

He is playing you and your letting him.

Shame on him for being a douchebag and shame on you for knowingly participating in his deception.

Post # 75
5879 posts
Bee Keeper

@Confuscious10:  I feel as if he was trying to get me back into his life as friends and string me along just in case he does get divorced, he wants to be friends with me or make sure I dont have a new man

He wants to fuck. Thats it. Move on. You not a victim you’re volunteering to be an easy lay. 

Post # 76
539 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Oh my goodness!

Please never talk to him again. Not even as a friend. He is trouble.  He doesn’t treat you or any woman right by the sounds of it. I’m sure you can do better. But I think you need to get him out of your life for good. Delete him on facebook, block his number, don’t talk to him ever again. It seems like he can play mind games with you quite easily and I’m worried that if you let him in at all that you’ll end up hurt again 🙁

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