Post # 1
Here’s my problem. My fiance and I decided that we would have a no-kids wedding. Nothing against kids, but we wanted to give our friends with little ones an excuse to have the ‘night off’ and all of our friends are thrilled with the idea.
My fiance’s aunt has 2 small children and she lives on the other side of the country. We don’t want our ‘no kids’ rule to cause trouble for her or worse — prevent her from coming. She’s very close to my fiance, and this is super important to him.
So here’s the question: Do I make and exception for her and just explain it to everyone else? How do I explain to people who have had to get a sitter why his Aunt has 2 kids at the wedding?
Post # 3
Can you include her children in the wedding? It’s generally accepted that children in the Wedding Party are accepted…
Post # 4
im doing a non-kids wedding too, and i really wont make any exceptions.
what im doing is i hire a baby sitter, that will stay in whit some kids (parents will pay if they want their kids to be sitter by this lady)
she can be at anyoes place or anywhere you want, so the parents will be confortable.,
Post # 5
I would find a sitter for her so she can still come and have her kids with her just not at the wedding. Most people should understand the reason you would allow hers but some people will still want to cause drama from it because they can and some people LOVE drama.
Post # 6
Honestly, if you’ve told people “no kids” or “adults only” you really can’t make exceptions without people being ticked at you. You say that you wanted “to give our friends with little ones an excuse to have the ‘night off'” but not everyone necessarily wanted a night off and was therefore forced to get a sitter because of your policy. If that were me and you then let someone else bring kids – I’d be ticked.
Post # 7
Do you think any of your friends would mind sharing a sitter? If you have a friend with one child who lives near the reception site, then maybe your aunt’s children could go there and hang out with that child and the sitter. That way she doesn’t have to worry about finding a sitter and she knows the sitter is reliable (since your friend uses her/him).
Inviting two children and not others could cause drama. I’d invite all or none.
Post # 8
I would make an exception for someone traveling so far. But I would hire a sitter to stay with them in the hotel room or put them in the wedding party.
Post # 9
We’re having a “no-kids” wedding except for those from out of town (which is just FI’s cousins) and my cousins that are involved in our wedding. Most of our friends and a number of family members have children but they would never think to bring them. Where I’m from, its generally assumed that weddings are “no-kids” so thankfully we don’t have to specify that on our invitation.
I think the “OOT” thing is explanation enough. No-one would expect your FI’s aunt to have to arrange for child care for DAYS while she’s at your wedding and since I assume the majority of his family will be at your wedding, she couldn’t really arrange for a babysitter that she would be comfortable with there.
Post # 10
Thanks for all the replies ladies!!
Its still a tough decision but I like the idea of hiring a babysitter for her. Maybe one of my in-town friends knows of a good one.
Post # 11
I think its okay to have your hubby’s aunt bring her kids. Since those kids are technically cousins which is immedate family, i think your friends would understand.
Post # 12
How old are the kids? I would never leave my girls with a sitter I didn’t know.
Post # 13
They’re pretty little, I think her youngest will be just over a year. Its a conundrum.
Post # 14
(I understand this doesn’t apply or solve the problem for everyone), but I look at our situation as “we are inviting only children we are related to” and I don’t see a problem with that.
I have a relatively small family. My only cousin and her husband have a baby and a 4 year old and they will be invited & I will leave it up to them if they want to bring them. None of our friends’ kids will be invited. I highly doubt any of them will mind AT ALL but if they ask I’ll tell them that in my family it is expected that even little relatives will be invited……….but beyond that I don’t think the music and everything else will be very fun for little ones so we prefer to keep it adults-only.
We’ve never told anyone we have a no-kids policy though…so perhaps when our invites actually go out without kid names on them I’ll be back on the board looking for advice on my own 😉
If I was your guest I would be (a) happy to have a “night off” from mom-duty & (b) understand if there were a couple kids-in-the-family at the wedding. Hopefully yours will feel the same way.
Post # 15
I think it’s all or nothing, really. Especially if I had to leave my infant at home but someone else got to bring theirs, since it’s difficult to leave an infant with a sitter (at least, it was for everyone I know).
I would let her know that you will arrange for any circumstance she’d like, but that the kids can’t be at the ceremony or reception.
Post # 16
So I have a rule of thumb, which is you can invite whomever you want, but once you start slicing and dicing these kids but not those, you are asking for headaches. So, as FutureKMM says, it’s not like you CAN’T invite her kids, but you will probably offend people if you do. SOME people might be able to handle it because she’s family; SOME might assume that she was the rude one and brought her kids anyway; SOME will just be pissed off.
I agree that informing her of some babysitting services would be the best option. Having Fiance call her directly to tell her about that also gives him the opportunity to convey his enthusiasm about her coming. But ultimately, offending a bunch of your other guests just to encourage one to attend is not a good idea.