(Closed) Exchange Student Woes (UPDATE to the Cake Thread)

posted 8 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think this is a really good idea in theory but this kid does not seem worth the effort.  It sounds to me like you have gone above and beyond to try and make this work.  Sounds like he should be renting an apartment somewhere with some roommates or on his own if he doesn’t want to interact with a family!

Instead of giving up on being a host family, could you let this one go and take on another student?  Friends of my parents have been taking students from Japan for a long time and have had really good experiences. 

Post # 4
2288 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

@MademoiselleL: Yeah, I completely agree with this. Excellent advice and excellent points.
You’ve been beating yourself against a wall trying to give him every benefit of the doubt, but he is simply not interested in being an exchange student. He wants to be a frat boy, so let him move out and get someone that really wants to dive in to what you have to offer.

Post # 5
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

You said you’ve decided to give him one final chance – have you (you + hubs, and the three of you) discussed what that final chance will look like? How long he has to change his behavior, what happens if he slips up, etc?

I think you’re doing all you can do, but in a situation like this the effort needs to go both ways.

Have you spoken with the agency, and do you know, if he gets removed from your house, what will happen to him? Will they keep passing him around indefinitely? Or do they have some sort of consequence eventually?

Post # 6
13096 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’d be done with this kid honestly – From everything you’ve said between the two threads, you guys have already given him more chances than he deserves.

That said, I wouldn’t stop hosting a student entirely.  I’d just get a new one who is actual interested in being a part of the program and who has some respect and manners.

Post # 8
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

What ^they^ said! This guy sounds like he would be far better off with roommates than with a host family. He doesn’t sound interested in the experience of the program and just wants a roof over his head and a fridge full of food when he’s hungry. You’ve done your best, you should let this exchange student go and move on.

I hope though that you’ll try again with another student. I would hate to think this one bad experience would stop you from hosting someone else. It sounds like you and your husband would be awesome hosts to someone who’s receptive and excited about the experience!

Post # 9
2288 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

@christalynn11: Ah I see. In that case, I’d pull out entirely now. It’s not worth it.

Post # 13
5095 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011


Honestly, with all of this, it doesn’t sound like you’re in a great position to host another student.  I would see if there are any other ways of bringing in more money. As long as you wouldn’t be putting him out on the street, I think you’re completely within your rights to tell the organization to find him a new placement. He may just be acting like a typical teenager, but as an exchange student he needs to be better than that. You’re not his parents; you don’t have the same ability to discipline him, and accordingly, you shouldn’t have to put up with this kind of nonsense. Good luck!

Post # 14
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Sounds exactly like two of my flatmates in grad school. You couldn’t pay me any amount to live with such entitled, careless jerks like that again.

Do you think you might be able to find a short-term tenant for the next 8 months or so? I know where I am there’s quite a demand for month-to-month accommodation. It would be more of a gamble, but anything sounds better than letting this guy continue to leech off you and ruin your stuff.

Post # 15
342 posts
Helper bee

If he didn’t have a prior family *maybe* I would say give him more chances, but you can only change a person so much, and if the first family wasn’t able to, and YOU haven’t been able thus far, I see no need to continue with him.  What positive experience has he given you?  If I’m understanding it correctly it seems most of his behavior (i.e. how he treats you vs. your husband) is cultural, which is an even harder thing to change!  He doesn’t seem at all interested in American life or you and your husband, which is what he is meant to take out of the program.  I’m sorry to say, but I’d let him go, there’s only so much you should put yourself through before you walk away.

Post # 16
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

You can’t change an ungrateful person.  Unfortunately, students are a wild card.  You could get a great one or you could, as in your experience, get a lemon.

It sounds like the emotional toll it’s taken is NOT WORTH IT.  I’d be done with it, personally.

btw, I think it’s wonderful how much effort you’ve made to make him feel welcome, etc – but I honestly don’t think it’s worth the stress it’s caused.

Especially because you’ll be TTC within the year – I’d just enjoy the time with my husband – since if you think about it – it will be the only time in a very long time it will just be the two of you.

The topic ‘Exchange Student Woes (UPDATE to the Cake Thread)’ is closed to new replies.

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