(Closed) Excited About Getting Married, Not About Wedding

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
873 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

It’s totally normal! Most brides go through planning overload or family drama that stops their joy of planning … or even just want to focus on the real meaning of a wedding which is marriage and not all the other stuff.  I would wait a little to see what your real reason for wanting to not have a wedding before you plan to elope – and maybe talk to your Fiance.  Perhaps you could scale back your wedding and make it more intimate if planning is getting to you?

Post # 4
Member
3098 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I went through this!!! Really, I think it’s just the stress of all of it – there is so much pressure and expectation put on the bride – I think it’s impossible to NOT feel this way at some point. I have to say, that as often as I felt like this, I don’t regret the wedding AT ALL. I had a blast, and I’d do it all over again (with some minor changes….). But ultimately, you have to do what makes you happy! Would it help to hire a planner and a DOC and just have people do the planning for you completely? It might alleviate a lot of the stress.

Post # 5
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee

Can you wait a few weeks and see how you feel then? Everyone feels like this sometimes, but if this is more than a temporary thing and you really don’t want a big wedding, I think eloping or a small ceremony with immediate family only could be great.

Post # 6
Member
363 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2010 - Trinity Presbyterian Church/Harrison Opera House

I have been dealing with these feelings since we had our first discussions about planning our wedding.  I have not enjoyed (bordered on hating) wedding planning.  I know, I blog about wedding planning – it seems like I should love it.  However, I blog to stay sane through the process.  Everyone keeps telling me that I’ll look back 10 years from now and be glad I had a wedding.  I hope so, because otherwise, this hasn’t been worth it.  I may write a post someday about these feelings, but in the meantime, know you’re not alone and sometimes it isn’t just a phase.  I’ll let you know soon if the actual wedding day changes my mind at all! 🙂

Post # 7
Member
1514 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

It’s completely normal.  I thought I was all gung-ho to have a wedding and towards the end I was miserable.  Try not to overwhelm yourself and if you really do want the wedding ask for lots of help from family/friends/BMs.  If you don’t want it and you two want to just do something for yourself, go for it.  Good luck!

Post # 8
Member
3125 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I think it’s normal.. maybe you could plan the ceremony first, since that’s the part that you seem most interested in right now.  Then, in a bit, think about the most fun party you’d ever want to go to – then do some brainstorming, assign/delegate some tasks, and soon enough, the bones of your reception will be done, too.  You can do it 🙂

Or maybe you could test the water around the parentals and say you think you’ll elope and maybe, maybe have a reception back home.  Maybe someone will help you plan it! hehe

Post # 9
Member
2201 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I am so at that stage with you (at least I HOPE it’s a stage). I’m enjoying my crafty projects, mainly because I like crafty projects, but I am so over the actual planning of the event. I’m hoping I’m just feeling “planned out” (I had a big work event that just wrapped up, am planning the wedding, the honeymoon and a huge family vacation). I told FH that he was responsible for NYE plans because I’m just feeling “done”.

So, in short, you’re not alone. Just talk with FH about how you’re feeling and maybe he’ll have some ideas on how he can help (whether it’s getting more involved in the planning on his end, or maybe he just wants to elope too).

Post # 10
Member
286 posts
Helper bee

I understand how you feel…I think that so many people get caught up in planning a wedding and do not really think about the marriage part. I love my Fiance and recently I have thought about have a really simple ceremony with only close family and friends. I simply don’t need the big church wedding and huge reception…I just want to be married to him…I do understand you…

Post # 11
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think its normal too.  I want the wedding but my excitement ebbs and flows.  All in all I’m really not too picky about the details and planning, which is a shock to myself and my family.  Some times I forget why we’re doing it big and I get a pang of anxiety wondering if its going to be a disaster.  Other times I think I can’t wait and its going to be a wonderful celebration.  I go from one extreme to the next almost daily!  I’m a madwoman lol.  The thing that I am consistenly excited about is our life after the wedding.  After the honeymoon we’re going to prepare to move, which will increase our quality of life, give us more financial stability (have lots of the nice stuff I have to pass up now because I live in good ol’ NYC) and it’ll set us up to be able to start a family.  I think its a good thing that we’re looking toward the marriage, afterall, that really is the most important part.  The wedding is just a day, the marriage is a lifetime!

Post # 12
Member
447 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I felt exactly the same way, up until the day of the wedding. In fact, if I could go back, I probably would elope. But think about your reasons for wanting to elope. Is it just the stress of planning or a real desire to do your own private thing? If not for the fact that if I so much as mentioned eloping, I’d get a talk about how hurt everyone would be, I would have done it in a heartbeat.

A lot of it was that I felt bullied into doing so much that I didn’t want to do that it took all the enjoyment out of it. I hated being walked down the aisle (even halfway) and changing our recessional song so we wouldn’t offend anybody.

The reception was great and I enjoyed it, for the most part, but the ceremony meant nothing to me. We wanted to just go to the courthouse and have a party later.

Think about it. If you know that you’ll regret eloping later, don’t do it, no matter how stressed you are. If you really want an intimate ceremony with just you and your fiance, maybe you can still plan a reception for afterwards.

Post # 13
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m with you guys!

I’m pretty laid back and honestly I don’t really care that much about the wedding…and I’m just starting the planning process! 

I keep telling myself that the wedding is the cost of marriage.  You have to pay the piper if you want to dance. If you want the baby, you gotta do labor, etc.  🙂

It will be alright.  It’s just a matter of keeping things as simple as possible, or at least that’s what I say. 

Post # 14
Member
2532 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think what it is for me is Im nervous about the reception. I am outgoing for the most part but sometimes I get nervous/anxious in large groups of people! ANd there will be at least 100 people at our reception! How am I going to deal with talking to/being the center of attention!!!

Post # 15
Member
4567 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Oh I am SO with you on this one! I’m in the very beginning, pre-stages of planning (since we’re not really engaged yet) and it’s just so frustrating to me! I’ve asked Mr. KM every night for 3 weeks if we could just go to the county clerk office, get our license and be done with it!

Post # 16
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Im going through this too! Its true that family drama gets in the way of our happiness and picture perfect wedding!  I swear if we can take our deposit back from the venue which is half of the total then we would just elope too! Originally I wanted to elope but Fiance wanted to do the whole church thing and im not even Catholic but taking classes now to become one for him.  Is your FH excited about the wedding?  Everytime I tell my Fiance we should of just eloped, he gets upset and motivates me.  Im sure when the time comes you will be super excited! Did you get  your dress yet? Because I know when mine comes in in April and I try it on again, the excitement I felt at the beginning will all come back!

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