Post # 1
Most know that in January my ex and I broke up. In March I started getting pretty serious with a guy I met at church and we eventually started having sex. We took a slight break from seeing each other but we both decided that we hated being apart. Well I feel like we’ve gotten a lot closer and we’ve reached a point where we stay the night together a lot and spend a lot of time together every day. Last night we were in bed and he starts talking about how he doesn’t want the summer to go by without us being engaged and that he thinks a summer of 2017 wedding would totally rock. I loved hearing this at the time but now I’m kind of nervous because of where I was in life just six months ago with my ex. I’m living in an apartment with one of my best friends now and she definitely thinks that it’s all moving on the fast side. I do feel like the love and commitment is there.
Should we be talking engagement and marriage so soon? Am I setting myself up for heartache and disappointment?
Post # 2
Frankly, yes, you are setting yourself up. Not that this couldn’t be the exception to the “rule” or whatever. But this is way fast especially if you haven’t had time to make sure you’ve reached closure and healed from your previous relationship.
This isn’t true for everyone but, in my opinion, sex obviously makes things seem more intimate and can at times even add a false sense of intimacy and commitment that isn’t as deep as it feels like it is. Be careful with your heart.
Take time to see this guy and who he really is outside of the bedroom. If he can talk to you about commitment and marriage in the middle of the day when there’s clothes on and bad traffic, then he may be serious. be very hesitant to immediately buy into “this is forever” love this soon.
Post # 3
I would cool it a bit. It’s great that you’ve found someone, but I’d wait at least a year before you start thinking about engagement. You guys are still in the honeymoon phase of your relationship. I know everyone knows that couple who got married after 3 months and are still together 30 years later. But honestly that’s the exception to the rule. It doesn’t mean you have to see each other any less, but just continue to enjoy spending time with each other. Take a weekend getaway to see how each other is while traveling. You can still feel love and commitment without being engaged so quickly.
Post # 4
Just curious, how old are both of you?
Post # 5
DH and I were engaged 6 months after we met, and we had both just gotten out of relationships shortly before meeting each other. I never felt the need to ask the internet or friends if we were moving too fast or how I should feel about it. It was just right for us. I think if you have to ask, and you’re worried about it, things are moving too fast for you and you’re not ready.
ETA you’ve already had a fairly high drama relationship with this guy very early on. You’ve already taken a break, which I don’t think is a good sign.
Post # 6
I agree with Cory_loves_this_girl:
, we were also engaged after about six months of dating. However, I had been single for about a year and he had been single almost two years. I didn’t question that we were moving too fast, it just felt right for us. We started talking marriage after about three months. It is worth noting that I had been engaged previously and rreeaallllyyy knew what I was looking for this time around, and I knew when I had found it!
If it feels too fast for you, wait. It sounds like you are still getting over your ex (which is fine!) and enjoying living with your roommate. If he is as serious about you as he says, he will accept your viewpoint and will still be around when you are ready 🙂
Post # 7
Also-I just read some of your other boards. I think, and I’m saying this with lots of love as a Christian too, it sounds like there may some hangups when it comes to you handling sex outside of marriage in a healthy way for yourself mentally and emotionally. It sounds like this guy is rushing talking about marriage to ease guilt about premarital sex and I’m wondering how you are handling it or viewing it since you justified it in your previous relationship since you planned on it only being one guy, etc. I think you need some you time. You had doubts about how fast this was going early on. You took a break from each other and changed your mind. I think you know you do need some space from relationships for a bit.
Post # 8
I suspect you are still in he honeymoon period. I would enjoy, wait and see.
Post # 9
Oh Kacey. Just, no. Don’t get engaged to this guy. You are young, you are still fresh out of your first big break up, and you rushed into this relationship. I think you are excited that he wants to get engaged because that would justify having sex. Hell, I KNOW that’s the case. I stand by what I have been saying since I first started reading your posts — you need time single. TRULY single. You need time to be on your own and support yourself. You sound like such a sweet girl but you also sound INSANELY naive. This man has been pursuing you HARD and you have let yourself get caught up in that. To be honest that is a HUGE red flag.
For people who do get engaged after 6 months, that is typically after they have had a good deal of dating and relationship experience so they know what they want. Plus in many cases they are often older. You have neither the relationship experience nor the maturity to get engaged right now.
But I will say it gets old that you just keep asking for advice but you ignore the advice AND you ignore your feelings of “this isn’t right”. In the back of your mind you KNOW this relationship has been unhealthy. You KNOW this is a rebound. You KNOW you should be listening to your friend who says this is going too fast…
Post # 10
March was just yesterday. This relationship is extremely new. I’m not a Christian, but this feels wicked fast to me and is setting off alarm bells. Why is he in such a rush?
Post # 11
Agreed. Add to that the fact that she just broke up with her ex like 5 months ago and this is a recipe for disaster.
Post # 12
Oh god, Kacey.
You have been raised to believe that premarital sex is bad, yet you have had premarital sex and continue to do so (which is TOTALLY FINE, btw). The problem is that your beliefs about premarital sex are so deeply ingrained that it is impossible for you to embrace your sexuality without feeling guilty afterward.
This guilt has pushed you to accelerate the progression of your relationships with men who were not necessarily the right fit for you. You associate sex with marriage and, lo and behold, you feel like the guy must be ‘the one’ for you simply because you feel comfortable enough to do something with him that you were raised to believe that only married people should do. Maybe this guy is great and the one, but you’ll never know for sure until you can let go of your guilt and hangups about premarital sex.
Let me reiterate what I have said to you in previous threads about this relationship: SLOW DOWN.
Post # 13
- Wedding: April 2016 - Manhattan, NY
Solid advice right there!
It’s great that you both are on board, but I experienced a similar rushed approach from a man that was a born-again virgin. I casually dated him and we never had sex, but he wanted to get serious very fast, which totally pushed me away.
Like others have sugested, take the time to get to know him outside of the bedroom. Watch how he interacts with his family and friends, and then your family and friends. Get to know who he is and what he wants out of life. Future goals, dreams… It takes time to do that. Physical intimacy can cloud your judgment, and there’s so much more to relationships and marriage than just that one part.
Post # 14
Two months in and you are talking marriage? It’s too soon to even know this other person well. Red flags everywhere.
Post # 15
I honestly do fear losing him. The brief time apart was miserable. He just seems so different than my ex. I feel like my ex would have eventually proposed but we probably would’ve stayed engaged for a long time. This guy really seems like he loves me. He wants me to go home with him in a few weeks to meet his family.