(Closed) Excited & Terrified, but in what measures

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 4
4369 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would have a serious talk before you move in, not just move in due to an offhand remark.

Talk to him about where the relationship is going and what moving in means – is it leading somewhere? Is there a timeline for moving forward? How will you handle finances/living expenses?


Post # 5
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@LadyBear:  Umm…I think I understand the situation. You have been living at home until now because of finances/employment issues. You have been with your Boyfriend or Best Friend for five years, but you are not 100% certain he wants to get married soon. You want to move out, but you cannot afford to live alone and you are unsure if living with your Boyfriend or Best Friend is a good choice.

If that is correct, then these are my thoughts:

1) You two need to have a very serious discussion about  the status of your relationship and where it is headed. You have been together long enough and you are old enough for him to know if he wants to marry you. Then you should be able to make a decision about if/when engagement/marriage will happen.

2) If you two can commit to some sort of plan or timeline about engagement/marriage, then you should consider moving in. You are NOT playing wife if you are with someone in a meaningful relationship where both of you are contributing/benefiting from it. I get really tired of that perspective because it makes it sounds like the guy is the only one benefiting. I have lived with my Fiance for a number of years, even before being engaged. We were not/are not “playing” anything. We are adults who pay bills, respect each other and we are building lives together. You two can do the same thing.

3) If neither of the above work out, then reconsider your relationship and your life goals. Maybe it’s time to move on or start hitting the pavement and work on some serious career goals.

Not trying to sound harsh, just offering my honest opinion. Good luck!

Post # 6
2440 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Breathless:  Just do it. 🙂

Post # 7
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I think we need a little more details – have you discussed marriage with your boyfriend? Do you know when he would like to get married? Why is living together before marriage so important for him? Why are you scared about “playing wife”?

Do you stay over at your boyfriend’s house a lot? For several days at a time? Do you run into any issues if you do this (i.e.: different levels of cleanliness, etc.)

I moved in with my boyfriend after less than a year of dating (he bought a house), and it has been wonderful. He is my other half and it is amazing being able to spend more time together. We never looked at it as a game – rather, a logical step in our relationship because we were spending so much time sleeping over at each other’s places anyways (mostly me at his).


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