(Closed) Excluded because I'm the girlfriend?

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Perhaps they are trying to keep numbers and costs down and therefore are leaving +1s off as your a distantish part of the family?

I’m putting one of my cousins on the same invite as his parents because he still lives with them. And because if he meets someone between now and the wedding then that’s tough, she won’t have become an established part of the family by then anyway and theres a chance she won’t be around- I don’t want that reminder in family pics. The other 3 cousins from that family have all moved out and all live with their partners so  they all got there own invite.

Anyway I don’t think they meant anything by it, it was probably purely a practical reason and didnt think that it would upset you at all

Post # 4
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

When making guest lists, many couples draw the line at those who are already married or engaged at the time that the invites go out. You and your SO are not engaged so you didn’t make the cut.  It may sting a bit but it’s considered a socially acceptable dividing line, so try not to take it personally.

As to why he didn’t get his own invitation it could be that the couple was really inviting his mother and father, and simply allowing them to choose whether or not to bring their son along, instead of specifically inviting him by name.

Post # 5
Member
3212 posts
Sugar bee

Go ahead and vent. It is very strange that he is 33 and included in a group family invitation though. I gave everyone who no longer lived at home and/or were out of college their own invitation. I agree with PP though. It may be to keep the cost down and they had to draw the line somewhere.

Post # 6
Member
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@sweet5k:  I would have been more offended if his brother or sister had a SO that was invited and you were not. And I don’t understand why he did not get his own invitation either at 33. At some point, people need to aknowledge that people have their own lives. If no one gets to bring their SO, then maybe they didn’t know about you? Is his family super close?

Post # 8
Member
3212 posts
Sugar bee

@cincilover:  +1 FI’s brother’s Girlfriend (now Fi’s SIL) was invited to their cousins wedding three years ago but not me. We had been dating for the same amount of time at the time. The cousins recently asked why I didn’t come to their wedding. I flat out told them that it was because I was told I wasn’t invited. It made for an awkward situation. Yes, I still hold a bit of a grudge 3 years later.

Post # 9
Member
3825 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@sweet5k:  It’s not about you. More than likely, it’s about cost and numbers. I’m planning a wedding right now. My invite quantity is 70. YES, I am inviting single cousins  who are older than me. I don’t know who they are dating and I’m not interested in meeting them on my wedding day. I just want my family there. That’s it. It’s that simple. It’s not malicious, it’s just that I’m doing what works for me and my FI’s budget. 

Don’t take it personal. 

Post # 10
Member
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

There are alot of things wrong with that invite – why wouldn’t a 33 year old man with his own home not get his own invitation? That is very, very odd.

I was living with my fiance, then boyfriend, 3 years ago when he got invited to his cousin’s wedding and I wasn’t invited. We have been together for 7 years and were living together at the time and I took it personally. For my wedding, I am making every effort to invite my guest’s significant others because I’ve been on the other side.

Post # 11
Member
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@MRSsrm85:  Wow, that is awakward. I would be very upset if I wasn’t invited to a wedding in my SO’s family. Yes, we are not engaged yet, but have been dating for 3 years. I know people who are engaged after less time than that. So far we have been invited to them all together, but after reading weddingbee nothing would surprise me.And I would also hold a grudge over something like that…I am still upset that my SO’s sister did not include me in any part of her wedding. I would ask your SO what he thinks about you not being invited if you haven’t already, because I think that is bad etiquette. Oh, and I just saw that his extended family lives far away. I would never ask someone to travel a long way to my wedding without giving them a +1. Just my two cents.

Post # 12
Member
3195 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

There are definitely some etiquette rules being broken, probably not aimed directy at you but just done in poor taste. Typically if someone has been with their significant other for a long time, and doesn’t live with their parents, they should get an invitation written out to both parties, not just as a +1.

I know how you feel though. FH and I got engaged in June, and two weeks before our engagement his brother got married – the MOB seated myself and FH’s brother’s girlfriend (sorry, confusing I know) at the back of the reception away from the family, away from the two boys (who were groomsmen at the head table) and with a bunch of random friends of the bride. I definitely felt slighted just because we weren’t engaged – the wife of the best man sat with the MOG (my FMIL), but just because our three-year relationship hadn’t yet led to an engagement I was not afforded the same honor. It was very disappointing, so I feel you. <3

Post # 14
Member
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

It’s probably stictly due to numbers. Nothing personal. and Honestly they probably don’t expect him to come but want the parents to come and felt guilty about not including their kids

Post # 15
Member
853 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Preach it!  No seriously, as a PP said, vent away.  It is rude.  But then again I have always believed that if you are on your own, single or no, you get the option to bring someone (an option not everyone takes, but that is another topic).

However… don’t assume malice when apathy does just fine.  It’s probably not an intentional slight, maybe they don’t know, maybe they didn’t remember when making the guest lists, maybe they just don’t care, maybe they asked your SO’s mother and she said “oh she probably won’t want to come.”

If I had to guess, I would guess they’re just being cheap.  It’s the wedding equivalent of nickel and dime-ing “oh, just put them on the same invitation to save $X, no they don’t need a +1 when I’m paying $X a plate, they can just sit with their parents.” It’s rude to tack on an adult who lives on their own onto their parent’s invitation.  Essentially it is calling him a child.  But I don’t think they’re targeting you, just that they’re just being poor hosts.

Post # 16
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I wouldn’t take it so personally. Bottom line wedding’s are expensive and a lot of people just simply cannot include everyone. For our wedding we made the rule that unless the couple is married or engaged we aren’t allowing people to bring a plus one. I am sure it will upset some of my friends/cousins with significant others, but to be honest I already had to cut out some family members and if I had the decision to include anyone it would be more family members over someone’s significant other. Unless you are extremely close with the bride & groom I don’t see how you could take this so personally. Have you been included in other family events? I will say that the family invitation is kind of weird, usually if someone does not live with their family or is of a certain age they receive their own invitation. Although that is “proper etiquette,” it is their wedding so really they can do whatever they want. Sorry you feel like you are not being recognized as being an important fixture…but the important thing is you know you are!

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