(Closed) Excluded from get togethers

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
6286 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

Have you asked your friends?  That’s how I’d address it.

Post # 3
Member
1470 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

Ugh I swear it’s a female thing. I’m on the same boat. I feel like a lot of girls are very wishy washy. One day they “love you” the next your just an acquaintance. I wish I could give you advice but since im in the same spot you are, im looking for advice myself 🙁 

Post # 4
Member
812 posts
Busy bee

I’d ask one or 2 of the girls you are closest to. Nothing accusatory or defensive, just a simple inquiry. It sucks feeling left out, I think we’ve all been there though. It could be like your mom says ‘they’re just jealous honey’

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 7 months ago by WillowBee33.
Post # 5
Member
485 posts
Helper bee

I would ask too, or offer a gentle reminder that you’d like to be included.  Like, “Hey, I saw you guys went to X.  Let me know the next time you plan to go!  I haven’t been there in ages!”

Post # 6
Member
47420 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

As pp’s have said, they may be assuming you aren’t interested because you are married. Let them know that you miss seeing them and would like to be included even if you can’t always make it.

Then be sure to find something other than your husband to talk about.

Post # 8
Member
1040 posts
Bumble bee

That’s probably the case. I would just flat out say (light heartedly) “Im so jealous you guys went to X! Where was my invite?” and see what they say.  Sometimes when I was single. I’d just assume Friday was a date night when my friends were in a relationship. 

Post # 9
Member
5151 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

View original reply
californiabride2013:  To me those sound like bullshit excuses and they don’t want to invite you. If you’ve asked enough times to get a variety of different excuses and they STILL don’t invite you….Id find new friends. 

Post # 10
Member
6286 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

View original reply
californiabride2013:  Maybe they feel you are in different stages in life or maybe your relationship just ran its course.  Reach out to them and let them know how you feel and go from there.

Post # 11
Member
10665 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

View original reply
californiabride2013:  

Well, sad to say OP but it sounds like they just dont want to hang out with you . Their being single and you not single may be the reason  – NOT jealousy, just different expectations of a night out  perhaps   . I’m assuming you don’t talk about him and how awesome it is to be engaged/married all the time !

Its  a bit sad but it may just be the  way it is . Hope not , not nice for you.  

Post # 12
Member
2368 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

If you are the only one married, and the rest are single, then to me it is a no-brainer that they don’t invite you. They simply assume you wouldn’t want to go clubbing and dancing and trying to meet guys, with them.

Ask one of the girls. I don’t know why you would even want to go out with them. Getting married is usually moving on from the partying life.

Post # 13
Member
2165 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

View original reply
californiabride2013:  I’ve had to deal with this for years because I have a large group of friends, but then small segmented groups within those due to certain friends not liking a few of the others. For example, there is one other girl in the group that gets along with everyone, her and I basically either put on most events or get invited to all of them because I can mesh well with anyone. There are about 4 others that get along with everyone but 1 person. Like to the point where it’s awkward if they’re in a room together. We have to pick and choose and plan accordingly with each group so nobody feels left out but I’d rather make my friends comfortable than feel awkward and not having fun. 

The only time I don’t get invited to stuff is when there’s a lot of drinking. Husband is in recovery from alcohol issues so they do it out of courtesy so we don’t feel like they’re throwing it in our faces. I appreciate that, because if we were invited we would probably only stick around for 30 mins or so. 

I would talk to the one you’re the closest to and let her know your feelings. If you don’t have a deep heart to heart with one of them, then nothing will change. 

Post # 14
Member
2866 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Same boat here too. Only one without a child, excluded like I have the plague. I used to sit and be upset about it, but at this point I’m getting too old for their shenigians. For me it helps to find my own things to do. I hang out with other people, even though it was hard to start. I started getting invited to work events (I work with one friend) and having lunch with another group of ladies. I tend to do well with the older crowd, less cattyness. 

Hang in there 🙂

Post # 15
Member
400 posts
Helper bee

When you are/were invited do you usually say no? I went through this for a little while with my group of friends – i was very busy with school and studying for my entrance exam that whenever i was invited I would have to say no. Then I noticed they just stopped inviting me. Makes sense, I don’t blame them. I reached out to my closest friend in the group about it and she said they figured I was too busy with studying. I started making more of an effort to hangout with them despite my schedule and now everything’s fine. We’re all in a group chat together so whenever someone suggests something we’re all invited. Maybe you could try setting up a group chat or fb message group? 

Honestly though, I have to agree with weatherbug. Youve already told them how you feel multiple times and they still don’t invite you?! It might be time to move on from this group 🙁 

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