(Closed) Excluded from get togethers

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
1930 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Do you decline a lot of invites? Women are VERY testy about declines! You decline once, you’re blackilisted thrice, lol.

Post # 17
Member
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

View original reply
milabeehappy:  agree. I know some people and they have extravagant girls nights/trips/days etc. and it seems like there is no drama and they all love each other and me and my friends never do these types of things, or sometimes im excluded, they are excluded etc.

Post # 19
Member
40 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2017

What kinds of stuff are they doing that your not being invited too? Is it dinner or night clubs?

Post # 20
Member
4491 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would find new friends you have more in common with.

Post # 21
Member
2869 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I’ve had this happen and when I asked about it, my friends assumed I wanted to be with my new SO more.  I told them I still wanted to see them and be invited, but not much has changed.   These are friends I’ve known for years so it does unfortunately seem to me like our friendship has run it’s course.  Fortunately, I do have newer friends that don’t exclude me – it could be my older friends don’t like that I’m hanging with new people.

Post # 23
Member
10670 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

View original reply
mrspereira:  

Well, some women might blacklist  decliners  perhaps.  None of my groups(s)  –  we all tend to be quite forgiving , even of serial pikers (that’s Australian for people who drop out , usually at the last minute!)

But none of us is very young , maybe  that is the difference ?

Post # 24
Member
43 posts
Newbee

Try letting them know that you want to come and hang out with them more and maybe initiate some of the plans and see how it goes. Otherwise if after all that they still continue to exclude you, then it’s time for new friends.

Post # 25
Member
1410 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
californiabride2013:  I don’t mean to be rude, but it sounds like they don’t want to hang out with you. There’s usually some group texting going on when planning dinners with more than 3 people, so if any of them wanted you to be there, they would have included you. Probably time to find some new friends. (And I don’t think they’re excluding you because you’re married btw)

Post # 26
Member
686 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

It’s super rude for you to ask why you weren’t invited and hint for invitations, dude. If you want to hang out with them, organize an outing and invite them along. 

Post # 27
Member
8281 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

View original reply
californiabride2013:  Ugh I think this is a female thing. I seem to be out of the loop with my friends as they are all married and have kids and it’s like they are part of their own special group whilst I sit at home on my own. When we do meet up it’s like everyone has kept in better contact, seen more of each other than I have, and it’s got to the point where I am sick of making the effort. No advice for you really but maybe your friends are excluding you because they assume you are happy to be tucked up at home with your SO. Would be nice if they asked you though.

Post # 28
Member
484 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Really not a fan of these “it’s a woman thing” and “females are bitchy” comments. Those tropes are untrue and icky. Women (like men) vary immensely in their group dynamics. And mature friendships tend to be developed 1-on-1, not through cliques.

I’m sorry your friends sometimes do things without you. But I think the best thing is to try and keep the individual relationships going strong as best you can on your end, and also try not to be too hurt when things happen without you.

Remember that likely a lot of those things are spontaneous or the result of natural conversation. (I.e. “Hey, X, want to go see that show?” “Oh yeah, I’d love to, and let’s invite Y, since she just mentioned wanting to see it the other day.”) They’re not necessarily explicitly exclusionary. (I.e. “Hey, X and Y, let’s go see that movie and let’s not invite Californiabride.”)

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