(Closed) Excluding grooms family

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should I attend brothers wedding?
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3762 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    Does the brides family treat your brother like that??? 

    While I am not saying that what they are doing is ok, I think there are plenty of weddings where the brides family and the grooms family just don’t get along.  It stinks but if the couple is happy then you have to deal with it.

    Try to talk to your brother and see if you can just let him know how you are feeling.

    Post # 4
    Member
    2640 posts
    Sugar bee

    Wow.  I’m so sorry.  This sounds difficult.  I was following you right until the part where you said his Fiance was also giving you all grief.  Why would your brother’s Fiance be treating you poorly based on your race if she’s engaged to your brother?  I’m presuming your brother is the same race as you.

    It sounds like you haven’t mentioned much to your brother.  While I can’t blame you for not wanting to attend the wedding based on how you’ve been treated, (and your “invitation” -my goodness), I think that it’s only fair to let him know how you’ve been feeling.

    I would try to focus on more general scenrrios and how YOU’VE felt.  I don’t think that talking specifically about the dog hair cookies will go over well.  (What if you’ve misinterpretted and she was doing a nice gesture but, didn’t realize the dog got into the cookies?)

    Good luck.

    Post # 5
    Member
    837 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    If it’s a racial thing, why are they okay with your brother….

    Post # 6
    Member
    2465 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    i’m sorry, that sounds so terrible.

    unless he’s really oblivious though, i can’t imagine he doesn’t know how his fi’s family treats you. you say “I am sure he will side with them and probably cut all contact with us,” but it sounds to me like he already has sided with them, and while that’s really sad, there isn’t much that you can do to preserve the relationship besides letting him know how hurt you are at the way they treat you.

    Post # 8
    Member
    3162 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    So she’s only marrying him because he LOOKS white? That’s f**ked up. Obviously it’s not your place or anyone else’s place to tell your brother what to do with his life but, I mean – seriously? He knows that she and her family are racist and in their heart of hearts consider him a second-class citizen even though they can suck it up cause he looks like he’s white. I hate to say it but I think he’s kidding himself if he thinks that marriage is going to work.

    As for your question, don’t go to their wedding. They don’t want you there clearly and you don’t support the marriage.

    Post # 9
    Member
    271 posts
    Helper bee

    First, sorry you are dealing with this.  As a fellow Latina, I understand what you mean about those that “look latino” and those that don’t.  

    I would skip the wedding and I’m not sure that you brother would have to ask why.  Like a previous poster mentioned, he has to know it’s an uncomfortable situation for your family.  It seems like he’s okay with their behavior and prepared to accept it for the rest of his life.  You, on the other hand, do not have to make the same choice.

    If you think you need to explain your decision to him, I would just speak in terms of your feelings and your personal experiences with the family and why you have decided not to be there.  Good luck.

    Post # 10
    Member
    5271 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2009

    Wow this is on a whole other level…..

    They sound like horrible people, but your brother is family (if it were your cousin getting married, I would say don’t go) but this is your brother. I think you may have regrets later in life if you don’t go to support him at his wedding.

    Don’t let them win, by you going to your brothers wedding, you are the one rising above. Literally don’t say a word to them, keep your distance & tell yourself your there only becaue you love your brother.

    I would say I hope things get better, but with stupidity like that, it never will. I wish the best of luck to you and your family!

    Post # 11
    Member
    1091 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2018 - Oakland Manor

    I can’t believe you didn’t even receive an invitation. Is he aware of how their behavior hurts you and your family!?

    I don’t think I could attend my (hypothetical) brother’s wedding if his future wife and her family treated me like that. I would reach out to him before the wedding in the case that he would want to make amends… but I’m not sure. I do agree with AnnieAAA that you and he may regret it later in life if yuo dont’ attend. I don’t think bringing up the hairy cookies would help your case…I would stick to recent, documented, observable behavior to point out their attitudes and treatment.

    I am so sorry 🙁

    Post # 12
    Member
    2207 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    That. Sucks. And they suck.

    BUT, I honestly counsel you to go to the wedding if 1) you have a level person to go with, someone who will have your back but can’t be easily baited into a fight, and 2) there is a chance your brother will have kids.

    The reason I say this is that there is a decent chance the in-laws will reject the children, especially considering that no matter what your brother looks like, his kids could still easily look more typically Latino/a. And how they look may never even matter.

    But this is your chance to start the process of saying, “this family sucks, but you are my brother, I stand by YOU. And when things get rough, which I think they will, I’ll still be here.” It isn’t a bad idea to actually say this to your brother, but actions speak louder than words.

    However, make sure condition 1 is there. Safety should be your first priority.

    Post # 13
    Member
    652 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2009

    I would not say anything and not attend the wedding and cut him out of my life for good. Do you really need to explain to him what has happened in the last 10 years? He knows and doesn’t care and thats why he has let it go on for this long.

    Post # 15
    Member
    1676 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Wow.  It breaks my heart to know that there are people out there who act and think like that.  I honestly can’t advise you on what to do b/c this is such a personal decision.  These people sound truly awful… but yet he is your brother.  I hope you wind up making the decision that makes you the most comfortable.  …AND I really hope that your brother’s future in-laws learn the *MAJOR* error in their ways at some point in the future.

    Post # 16
    Member
    179 posts
    Blushing bee

    Reading your story made me serious pissed off. You, your family and your brother do not deserve this kind of treatment at all.

    Why on earth is your brother marrying this woman? What is it about her that convinced him that he wanted to be with this woman for the rest of his life. Being the educated and successful man that he is, it’s surprising that he would allow anyone to treat his family or himself with that level of disrespect. Is there something else to the story that would give any sort of explanation to this?

    You should definitely skip out on the wedding and have a serious discussion with your brother about what’s going on. Typically one can play the “don’t get involved” card but in this type of situation you have every right to voice your disapproval to him. I don’t think that attending the wedding would prove anything to the bride or the bride’s family. They may even try to publiaclly humilate you in front of everyone. Who knows what they’re capable of.

     

    The topic ‘Excluding grooms family’ is closed to new replies.

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