- Miss Wallaroo
- 7 years ago
- Wedding: October 2011
Please forgive me for what might sound melodramatic but I’m hoping the bees that read the ’emotional’ posts either relate or will at least understand.
This past month has been one of the hardest months of our relationship. Fiance started a new job back in August and it really hasn’t taken off since then. It’s a sales job and with him being an athletic trainer, he wanted to get into a profession where he could make more money to support a family. I have always told him I’d support him no matter what, but he was tired of working 100 hour weeks for $30K a year. Can’t say I blame him, and honestly, I was relieved to know I might actually see my FH more. The same applies for me. I just finished my MS in Biology this past July and also took a sales job to try to make more money. Biologists just aren’t paid for all they can offer – same as teachers. It just doesn’t seem fair, you know? Moving on.
I don’t regret the degree I pursued and I’m proud of having finished my MS – but we both just hate that we entered a field that brings more misery than happiness because of the financial strains it brings. Currently, I’m bringing home double what he does (sometimes more), and believe me, it isn’t like I’m high rolling. I am happy to support us both right now while he builds his territory, and I know he is frustrated too, but sometimes I just feel… like this job of his isn’t going anywhere and we need to examine new options. We’ve talked about this and about him giving it another month then getting a new job – but really – in this economy, what other jobs are there? None.
Today I have to do another forbearance on my $57K in student loans, only to receive an email update from United Healthcare indicating I had new claims to review (always awesome). After spending an hour on the phone arguing with the claims department to have them tell me I need to contact the provider to have them re-bill it, I got off the phone, turned into a pile of pink slush and am just slouched here on the couch crying.
We’re paying for the bulk of our wedding and everything is an expense. I almost just want to throw in the towel at this point. Not on us – just the wedding.
(I mean, maybe I’m PMSing. Maybe. But probably not because this has been building up for awhile)
Fiance looks at me and tries to be consoling and says it’s going to be fine. To think of the money I’m being told to pay to UHC as the money I saved on my wedding dress because it was a steal. That in the grand scheme of things, all the money we’re saving by us reusing items or DIY it will be okay. Everything will be okay.
So why don’t I feel okay?
One of my best friends is ridiculously rich because her father owns a huge corporation that controls a large facet of waste management for the east coast. I’ll talk to her about how I’m feeling and she’ll try to understand – but she doesn’t. And it’s hard not to feel a little bit of resentment because she has it so easy. She’s never worked a full time job in her life. I worked 3 jobs before graduate school just to save money. And I’m picking up a 2nd job now to save for the wedding. We struggle every. single. day. I’ve struggled my whole life. My Mom worked 2 jobs when my parents divorced to support my sister and me and we struggled then. I feel like this is a sick cycle.
And I just keep wondering… when is this going to… stop? When is enough going to be enough for the big guy upstairs?
Sorry this was a complete rambling mess. If you even made it this far I’m impressed and thank you. If you’ve figured out how to cope with things you have no control over, I’d love to hear your secret. I used to blog poetry and short stories. Maybe I should take that up again.