- 9 years ago
- Wedding: July 2012
I need advice my fellow bees. One advice I give to you all before I start this post, is to not have any expectations, because you’ll be let down. Make sure everything is discussed, and everybody knows what’s going on. For all those smarter bees out there who already know this & are doing this, I give you a pat on the back.
Sooo…Basically before I got engaged, my fiance and I had talked about getting married. I had no clue what was going to happen since my parents were not going to pitch in whatsoever, and we had NO money (thanks to school loans and going back to school). Finally, I convinced my parents to pitch in some money. They offered $10k max. I absolutely did not expect any more, and was super thankful for that. Well once my fiance and I got engaged, I started feeling bad about the money. My parents have no savings, a lot of debt, and my dad works about 12 hours every day, for his company + side jobs. He loves to work and I know he would still work that much even if there wasn’t a wedding to be paid for. But still, it’s hard to know your dad is working his butt off to pay for a wedding. Because they’re stupid expensive. I tried convincing my fiance to see if his parents may want to help out and split the cost of EVERYTHING, but my fiance wanted to go the traditional route. Which was to follow the list provided by a binder I bought that layed out who pays for what. He said my parents offered the money, and his parents will pay for their share. He assured me of this. So I convinced my parents of this plan – just because my mom wouldn’t stop stressing about how unfair it was that his parents weren’t helping with the wedding costs. Also, I want to point out, my entire family is in Romania so it will just be our close friends and my parents. He, on the other hand, has a decent sized family. So I understood where my mom was coming from, but I didn’t want this wedding to be counted down to the pennies.
Well this is where the complete and utter *FAIL* comes in. Due to my fiance’s lack of communication skills with his parents and high expectations of them, we found out the other day that they will NOT be paying for our honeymoon. “Because they went to the beach for a week for theirs. In SC.”
So now I’m hurt, disappointed, and stuck in a very uncomfortable situation that makes me want to throw this whole wedding out the window. (Not the marriage, just the wedding itself). We’re sitting here expecting my parents to pull their “fair share” and making my dad work a little extra harder and my mom stress a little extra more, when it turns out his parents won’t pull their weight. I know their money is none of my business, but it just personally hurts me to see my dad constantly work so hard (he’s in construction) when his parents are a little more on the lazier side. (We live with them). Especially when my fiance’s parents are more comfortable than mine financially. Which is a fact, and not an assumption.
So fellow bees, what do I do? We’ve already put $500 down for our venue, but I’m willing to lose that if I can find something smaller & cheaper. My thoughts so far:
- Cut my wedding budget in half and try to figure out a way to do that. That way my parents only pay $5000.
- Cut the wedding guest list significantly. We were already down to 100. Now I’m thinking 75?
- Have my fiance talk to his parents and explain that my parents do not have this $10k saved, but my dad will be working his behind off for it. Would they rather just pitch in for the wedding?
- Ask for a total budget from his parents, which would include the cost of the rehearsal dinner & my bouquet (both of which they do plan on paying for), and have my parents match it?
Again, before there are any misunderstandings, I’m not expecting extravagence and what not. I just don’t think it’s fair to have high expectations of my parents, when the fiance’s parents aren’t pulling their fair share of what apparently was the assumed plan.