(Closed) Expectations Follow with a Blow to the Head. *some serious advice needed*

posted 9 years ago in Money
Post # 15
Member
1014 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I think some bees are being a little harsh here.  The OP didn’t say she demanded the cash from her parents, but that they offered to her.  There’s nothing wrong with parents chosing to put money towards their childrens weddings, and even if they want to go into debt (or work extra jobs) to do it, it’s their own darn business.  No one should be counting other peoples money.  Bravo to you who are able to fund your weddings yourselves, but brides who have parental contributions shouldn’t be made to feel guilty their parents want to help.  Her FI’s parents shouldn’t have offered to pay “their share” and then go back on their word.  It’s not rude of the OP or her parents to have planned on having that extra help.

Post # 16
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

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@simplifiedbride:  OP did say, “Finally, I convinced my parents to pitch in some money.” and “We’re sitting here expecting my parents to pull their “fair share” and making my dad work a little extra harder and my mom stress a little extra more, when it turns out his parents won’t pull their weight.”

Doesn’t sound like they are offering freely. OP I do apologize if I am misunderstanding but it does seem like you are being a little demanding. You’re parents don’t have this money to give and yet they still want to make you happy. If this were me I’d ask for a LOT less money (or none at all) and do something very very very small.

Post # 17
Member
6995 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

Having been through the wedding process, if i could do it all over again, in your situation, i would take 5-10k from your parents and do a Destination Wedding wedding with just the people who matter most to you. That way you parents get a little something out of it besides witnessing their daughter get married. just a suggestion 🙂

but i feel your pain….I battled with guilt over what my parents spent on my wedding, and looking back it did not need to be the grand affair that it even though it was beautiful and everything a wedding should be – even my parents generously put up that money without any hesitation i still feel like i need to make it up to them though they expect nothing.

Post # 19
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

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@weddingstars2012: If you are in school, you can defer your student loans. Save that money to pay for the wedding and then once its over resume payments. I would much rather me go into debt than my parents.

Post # 22
Member
10846 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

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@weddingstars2012: If you want to do a budget wedding, then gather your immediate family and grandparents, go to the Justice of the Peace, and then have dinner at a nice restaurant after. That will cost you less than $1000.

FWIW, I completely agree with Crisark and smith2be.

Post # 23
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

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@weddingstars2012: Where is SC are you? I’m about 98% sure there was a WB member on here that did a small very budget friendly wedding in Charleston. She got married at a park and then did a dinner. It was very pretty.

Post # 25
Member
2191 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I’m not sure how much advice I can give you. I’m sorry that calling you selfish wasn’t what you wanted to hear but I felt like you may need that “tough love” approach to realize that what you’re expecting isn’t right.

I’m also curious as to how old you are.

We are doing a “traditional” type wedding but we cut costs by:

having a friend help with flowers because she’s talented. ( more reasonable in cost)

having a family member take our pictures ( much more reasonable in cost)

using a family owned site for the ceremony AND reception. ( $100 fee instead of $3,000 for a catered rental site)

not catering the food but having family help us make it

ordered favors and recption decorations from http://www.orientaltrading.com since they are so reasonable.

ordered rose petals and colored beads from a seller on ebay that is from china thanks to another bee that gave me this link  http://stores.ebay.com/zhanglihua73513 and got 9,000 colored beads and 4,000 silk petals for $50.00

you have to do your homework and get out of your own head. Having a traditional wedding doesn’t mean that you have to follow a book that says who pays for what. It boils down to whether you want a wedding or if you really just want to get married.

 

Post # 26
Member
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Wow — There are many things I could say, but let’s just cut to the chase.

Both mine and FH’s parents had originally offered to do 50/50 split, WITH EVERYTHING. However, 2 weeks after we got engaged my dad lost his job after being with the company for 15 years. It was DEVESATING to my whole family, and mostly on my dad. At that point, FH and I knocked down our 300+ guest list, to 100 of our most important family and friends in our lives. We went down from our $95+ plated dinners and open bars, to $23.99 pp (not including taxes) and went with a cash bar and buying a couple of kegs. I have found some amazing deals that have saved me a couple of hundred dollars on each thing, in the weddingbee classified section. We did DIY invitations, and plan on TRYING our hand at our flowers. We moved our venue from a more “fancy and sophisticated” location to something in a less expensive part of town, but still in a beautiful hotel, where the wedding and reception will be together. My parents gave us $1200.00, that covered my wedding dress, undergarments, garder and veil ( — ALL ON SALE). His parents will be giving us $1000.00 and paying for the food for our rehearsal dinner, which is a BBQ/cook-out at my parents, and I couldn’t be anymore happier with it.

We were frantic about a honeymoon, I had this whole 10 day all inclusive trip to the Dominican Republic planned, but we definitely can’t afford that now, nor would I ever ask either of our parents to front the money for that. We have down-sized and we’re now going an hour and a half away (DISNEY WORLD) for 4 or 5 days. Which, by the way, I’m totally STOKED about — I love Harry Potter! We’re getting a great deal, because my dad has hotel points from his previous job when he travelled a lot. SO, we’ll be staying for free or for next to nothing and I have a friend who works at Universal, so we’re shooting for some free tickets! We have a great group of friends and family, that even if they can’t contribute financially, they are contributing by helping us with our DIY projects and offering their services the day of, and just asking if there is anything we need help with. You’d be suprised the hidden talents some of your friends/family have. For example, my co-worker graduated with a Graphic Design degree, and did our invitations — THEY LOOK AMAZING — and we had them printed at a local company and then bought our pocketfold and envelopes, and spent a total of $250.00 (stamps not included), which saved us about $350.00 total from what I was looking at!

You have plenty of time to be saving up where you can. Go through your closets and utilize ebay, craigslist, etsy, and even the weddingbee classifieds to sell some things you don’t use anymore. I’m sure you’ll still be able to have an amazing wedding, at less than HALF THE COST, if you really just try and talk to people who can help.

I know it’s long and all over the place, sorry.

Oh, and P.S. — If you didn’t want people to comment on the situation itself, you could have left out all the details and only said the basics “We need to plan a wedding on a budget of $____.__, please help”

Good Luck:)

Post # 27
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I agree about with the PP’s about cutting costs. Do you really need a 10k wedding? I don’t think I would be able to enjoy it knowing that my parents are breaking their backs to pay for it.

If you are so broke that you can’t manage to spend a cent of your own money than perhaps now is not the right time to have such an extravagent wedding. I also agree with milesbella. It’s not your parents responsibility. It’s very nice nice when parents are able to help out but I don’t know when it became an expectation. You are adults wanting to do an adult thing so I think it’s best you take care of it on your own.

Either way, I hope it works out well for you:)

Post # 28
Member
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

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@Crisark: Thank you for posting this! I had been trying to remember the orientaltrading site forever!!!!

Thank you, thank you!!!

Post # 29
Member
3942 posts
Honey bee

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@weddingstars2012: Honestly, if you are old enough to get married then youre old enough to pay for it. Have a wedding that YOU can afford. Figuring out which side pays for what is old fashion. My parents are the same as yours-work hard, no savings, etc. and I can’t imagine taking any money from them for the wedding. Why should they work extra extra hard just to pay for one day for me?

And the honeymoon thing…seriously? Tons of couples cant afford a honeymoon ever. Save a little money and take a weekend somewhere. But expecting his parents to pay for it is crazy.

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