(Closed) Expectations?

posted 10 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 32
2271 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I paid for my BMs’ dresses but two were struggling college students and the dresses wereot expensive. I paid for their bouqets and gave them their jewelry as a gift. Although it would have been nice if they had helped more, I did not expect a gift, but then again we specifically asked for no gifts.

Personally, I would be telling the bride-to-be described in this post to take a hike.

Post # 33
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Dear god…how many parties does this girl need?

I can’t imagine asking anyone to spend that much just for the ‘honour’ of being an attendant. All three of my girls are students, and I knew their budgets wouldn’t allow for a lot of spending on my wedding, so we paid for their dresses, hair and makeup because it was within our budget.

I did not request, ask about or even remotely mention parties of any kind; they took it upon themselves to plan a super awesome bachelorette party and surprise shower, and while I was super appreciative of them putting together such kickass events for me, I wouldn’t have thought any less of them if they hadn’t planned anything.

It seems to me a fair amount of brides pick their maids with the mindset of “who will be most useful and do the most for me” as opposed to “this person is really important to me and I can’t imagine my big day without them at my side”. It really makes me sad. My girls were so honoured and happy when I asked them to be in my wedding; if I thought for one second I was treating them like some of the brides I’ve seen vents about on here, I would seriously die of shame.

Post # 35
1179 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I am having a bridal shower/bridesmaid/bachelorette combo weekend, but as the bride I AM PAYING FOR THE HOTEL. I don’t think it’s fair that they are going to throw me a shower and then ask them to pay for a place to stay? It’s the least I can do, and then I can pick wherever I want to go. And I’m picking a place that is only 30 mins away from home so that if they need to go home, they can, if they want to come hang, then they can, and transportation won’t be an issue.  I also plan on paying for a few bottles of champagne and a cake as a surprise for the girls for all their help with the wedding.

Things they have to pay for:

  • Flight and hotel for our destination wedding (if they choose to attend–I also let them know that was not mandatory and we are having a reception here), though I am helping arrange discount accomodations. Of course they will also have welcome bags and gifts waiting when they get there.
  • My bachelorette party most likely. It will be that girls-only weekend, and it will prolly be drinks and dinner on the town!
  • We are doing a lingerie shower that weekend instead of a standard bridal shower (which I think should be cheaper and hysterical).
  • Dress of any price they want, as long as it’s pink and knee-length.
  • Gift, if they choose (not mandatory)

Post # 36
1809 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

My expectations for my girls were blue knee length (non-skanky*) dresses and silver shoes. Everything else they have done is icing on the cake.

*For one of my BM’s, I did have to emphasize the non-skanky requirement.


Post # 37
1179 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

View original reply
@posh_princess: I bought Vic Secret red satin robes for my girls, and got custom tie-in labels on etsy!! They are so adorable!! And since they tie in, the girls can take them out after.

Post # 39
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

gosh! thats a LOT! In the UK the bridesmaids pay for nothing.

the bride has to pay for their dresses, their shoes, the hen night, everything!!


Post # 41
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

then again, we dont have large bridal parties like it seems is normal in the us.

Post # 42
566 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

This is insane. When did it become the norm to demand so much time and money from your closest friends? Most of my close girlfriends are out of state and I’m just hoping they will be able to attend the wedding, much less shell out for entire weekends of other stuff.

Post # 43
9048 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I really just expected them to show up at the wedding in their dresses, but this is what they ended up doing. I tried my best to keep costs down, but it IS expensive to be a bridesmaid.

Dress – 125, plus alterations (no idea how much those cost, and 2 had family members do them). Customs bill came later @$35/person which I paid because I didn’t want to hit them up again.

Shoes – I requested that they wear black open toed shoes. Two had them, one borrowed from me, and I think one bought new, but she’s a shoe freak.

Hair – I told them that I was getting my hair done at a place, and no pressure but if they wanted it done too, it would be $55 plus tip. Three got it done, one just hung out and fetched us snacks 😛

Shower – hosted by another person locally to me, but they drove carpooled with my mom 5 hours to get to it and brought gifts. Three stayed at my house, and I paid for the hotel for one of them and her mom.

Bachelorette – I drove to them and they made me brunch, took me to a wine tasting, played mini golf and went out for dinner. Then went back to the house for drinks and games. They each paid their own way and split my costs.

Wedding – again they drove 5 hours. We paid the hotel cost for his sister and her boyfriend since she stayed with me on the wedding night, and DH stayed with him at the hotel, and then obviously coupled back up on the wedding night. Two others shared a hotel, and one stayed with family members. They all brought nice gifts.

I think that’s about it…

Post # 44
7362 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Thats totally insane. Thats the kind of thing that gets us brides labeled as bridezillas.

I expect my girls to pay for their dresses (nothing over $150 and if it is, I’ll pick up anything over that cost), their shoes. I”m covering makeup.

I don’t care for stag parties or showers and will tell them in advance don’t bother planning them. I really don’t want them spending extra loot on this, times are hard.

They just need to come to rehersal and ceremony. Thats it.

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