(Closed) Expecting to much from Bridesmaids? Give me your Opinions???

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I think bridesmaid duties are tough to define, since they vary so much from region to region.  Some enthusiastically pay for showers and bachelorette parties, help organize events and attend vendor appointments, while others just put on a dress and walk down the aisle.   

You cannot decorate your entire ceremony yourself, and you are correct to ask for help from your bridal party if you need it.  How bad her response was depends upon your circle of friends (is it common for people to hire wedding planners and professionals to take care of all the details) or are weddings generally more of a community effort in which everyone pitches in to help organize?  A gracious, "no I’m sorry I can’t be there before xyz time" would have been a much better response from her.

Post # 4
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I agree with professorbee.  I think in theory, we like to think that our BMs will rally around us and pitch in to make your wedding a success.  If I was close enough to a friend to be in her wedding, I’d probably try to help out wherever. 

However, there might be things going through her head, that didn’t come out the right way.  Was she concerned that she would not have time to get ready?  While decorating the morning of, shouldn’t be something you have to do, it also isn’t fair if that will require your Bridesmaid or Best Man to sacrifice her hair being done etc.  And again, agreed about the standard in your circle of friends.  If most people have venues, florists, and DOC to handle these things, your Bridesmaid or Best Man might have been caught of guard that you asked.  (Although she didn’t go about it nicely…)  If you can’t afford this kind of wedding, I would think your BMs would pitch in to help make it a nice day for  you.  However, if you were decorating this way, to try to save a few bucks for your fancy Hawaiian honeymoon, by assuming you’d get some slave labor with your Bridal Party, I think it’s understandable for her to be upset.

Post # 6
Member
618 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

No, I don’t think that’s too much to expect of your bridesmaids.  However, I guess everyone has a different expectation of what they should or should not have to do as a bridesmaid.  Maybe it came out wrong; maybe she’s not into decoration; maybe she just had a bad day.  Regardless, if your BMs don’t want to decorate, you need an alternative.

Do you have another friend, cousin, or someone you trust that’s not in the wedding party that could help?  You could use this opportunity to include another friend in an "honorary" role as assistant/helper for decorations, etc. 

For example, I was not a bridesmaid in one of my law school friend’s wedding.  We hadn’t known each other forever (like the rest of her bridesmaids had), but she knew I was the kind of person that would take care of details, carry out her wishes with decorating and kick some vendor ass if need be!   While she was with the bridesmaids getting ready, I went to the reception location, helped set up, put things where she wanted them, made sure all was going smoothly according to her wishes and that everything would be ready.  I left so I could make it to the ceremony and resumed my position afterwards until the bride got there.  I had my name in the program as her "Bridal Assistant" or something, but I wasn’t technically in the wedding party.  However, I considered it a huge honor that she asked me to help her and trusted me enough to take care of the details of her special day! 

Post # 7
Member
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

all i want is to get mine together to try on dresses…you think this would be easy…

Post # 8
Member
5399 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

That stinks that you are getting such a reaction.  You would think people know that when they are asked to be a part of your bridal party, it kind of becomes their job to do things like that.  Some people just don’t get it, though.  I don’t think you are asking too much.  It sounds like you already explained yourself, but if that wasn’t enough, then honestly I’m not sure how much you can do because you can’t force people to do things they don’t want to.

Post # 9
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

Personally, I did not expect my bridal party to have any jobs or duties.  I am one of those people who "don’t get it" I guess.  I would not have asked them to decorate for me and I don’t agree that when agreeing to be your BMs they sign up to do any type of jobs for you beyond standing up with you while you get married.

Yes it would be great if they would be willing to help out – you really aren’t asking for all that much from them and its dissapointing they can’t help you out.  But given her reaction, you should just find another plan.  Hire someone to do it, see if your venue can help out, skip some of the decorations, find someone else in your circle who wouldn’t mind helping……

Post # 10
Member
2271 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Well I feel completely alone with wedding planning. The wedding is August 7th and I am having a hard time even getting them together to order Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses. I know everyone is busy with their own lives but some interest in my wedding would be nice!

Post # 11
Member
5273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Perhaps shes thinking that by "decorating" that this will be labor intensive and that they will get all sweaty. What you could do is give small assignments to each girl, something small but effective. What I plan on doing is asking each one of my Bridesmaid or Best Man to do something that won’t cause them to get sweaty. For example, one Bridesmaid or Best Man will arrange my escort cards, another will set out the favors on a table, etc.

Everything they will be doing will be a great help and I’m ensuring that the will have time to get ready after they finish 🙂

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