Expecting to much

posted 1 year ago in 20 Something
Post # 16
2007 posts
Buzzing bee

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ryo828 : Yet another awesome post. Really hope the OP is reading. 

OP there’s nothing I could say that hasn’t already been said, except that I am so sorry that you find yourself in this situation. I’m just going to say that you have 2 different futures before you. If you look down one, you will see further years of waiting for engagement and likely a breakup, or possibly marriage but most likely divorce. If you look down the other, you will see some heartbreak and difficult times, but most likely another man who wants to marry you and will be a good father to your child. It’s really your choice. 

Post # 17
180 posts
Blushing bee

Just say simply, “I am not ready to buy a house until I am a wife.” There is nothig to negotiate. Let him prove he can be a husband before you buy a house.  Find a place with your son until he is ready to make a marriage commitment to you. Let him pay you child support and get his own apartment. Having a child nowadays does not usually lead to marriage. The men feel they have control and you are trapped. Work on having a solid career. Believe me if he has to pay child support and is not living with you, I doubt very much he can afford a house. Break out of the status quo.  

Post # 18
1492 posts
Bumble bee

You’re definitely not expecting too much.  Many people get engaged/ married within 2 years even. 

The problem is that when you slide into marriage-like behavior or decisions (like having a child or buying a house) without it being first built on an existing marital commitment, these actions won’t necessarily lead to an actual marriage. You’re thinking “we’ve done all this why aren’t we married?” and he’s thinking “we’ve done all this so now I have no reason to get married.” 

He’s probably happy with the status quo which is that he gets someone to split bills with/ take care of his son/ have sex with but he doesn’t have to actually fully commit. And he probably feels like you’re going nowhere because of all you’ve already done together. 

So then your options are to accept this (accept him/ accept being a forever GF) or to move forward–which may be difficult but might work out best in the long run for you and your son. Especially since you’re still pretty young. 

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