Post # 1
Hi All, I’m a longtime lurker, first time poster.
I am Maid/Matron of Honor in a friend’s wedding. Her bridesmaids all live a long way from her, and I am the farthest away. A few weeks ago I suggested a bachelorette party option of having it shortly before the wedding so more people could come. She seemed interested at the time.
But then last night she told me that she would like a trip to Vegas. I’m spending around $1,000 already on the wedding (flights, hotel, dress, gift). This will probably cost another $600-$1,000, not to mention the time off. It’s just a lot of money. It would be somewhat cheaper for the other bridesmaids, but still probably on the expensive side.
Add in the fact that she has never before mentioned wanting to do Vegas, and I just think maybe this is more about competition with her fiance about who has a more exciting party.
She’s very sensitive, though, so I don’t know how to address it with her. Am I being unreasonable?
Thanks in advance for your thoughts!
Post # 3
I guess just be honest with her and say as much as I’d love to be able to throw you the bachelorette party of your dreams, I don’t think Vegas is financially a reality for me. Could you suggest doing a vegas themed bachelorette party? Where would the party be held? Maybe we can help come up with some hot spots for you ladies… by any chance are you close to Atlantic City? or Mohegan Sun in CT? These are cheaper “Vegas” alternatives.
Post # 4
I think you’re well within you’re right to tell her that it’s just not something you can pull of financially. Even if she’s sensitive, she should understand that. I mean, I would have liked to go to Vegas for my bachelorette and if everybody I want to be there (also spread out around the country) could have pulled it off, that would have been awesome but it just didn’t work out. My bachelorette is a surprise and I trust that the girls are gonna pull off something that will be a great time. Unless the bride is a totally insensitive selfish B she should understand. Maybe get some of the other BMs on your team so you can say something like “I talked to the other girls about the Vegas thing and I’m sorry but we just don’t have the money to pull it off right now.”
Perhaps come up with some alternative plan that would work for everyone in the meantime so you’re not just like NO NO NO.
Post # 5
I had this same thing with one of the brides I was Maid/Matron of Honor for. At the time 2 of the BMs were without a job. The other 2 were married to groomsmen so they had double the wedding expense. I told her this and she freaked out on me told me that I had the money to go and do whatever I wanted. She also was mad because she thought my Fiance could give everyone flight passes. Which is true he can but guess who has to pay income taxes on those flight passes, he does. I just repeated to her again that I thought it would be too costly for everyone and I suggested something just as fun but more affordable. Then I dropped it for a few weeks and she finally came around to seeing that it would be too costly.
Post # 6
I would bring it up and see what other ideas she has or would like, or maybe there is another closer destination? Or can do an all-night out party that will include various events, (drinks and appetizers, then dinner, then dancing?) I would kindly remind her of the many expenses that you and the other Bridesmaid or Best Man are already spending and that it would really be too much for that trip.
Post # 7
No, you are not being unreasonable at all. Bachelorette parties are getting out of hand if you ask me. All of the money spent takes all of the fun out of the night. My Maid/Matron of Honor and Bridesmaids have already discussed my bachlorette party with me, and I told them that we should stay local, or we live 2 hours from Nashville or Cincy and we could go out there. Money is tight now for everyone, and no one should be expected to spend that much money on a wedding/party. Just let her know. She “should” understand. Good luck!! =)
Post # 8
I def don’t think you are being unreasonable. I agree with pp that you should suggest some alternatives when you say you can’t do the Vegas trip, that way you aren’t just saying no. There is no way I would have the money to blow on a Bachelorette Party in Vegas, and if the bride had to pay for her share then she probably would realize it’s too much.
Post # 9
you’re not being unreasonable at all. i am getting married and i’m very conscious of how much i’m asking of my girls, as should your friend. we discussed the idea of taking a trip to chicago for my party (5 out of my 6 girls live spread out around the country, i’m in ohio) but it would not only be expensive for them but for my other friends invited. so we scrapped that and decided on Louisville KY, a city i LOVE, it’s super fun and most of my friends are in ohio and kentucky so it’s easier for everyone. the bridesmaids have to travel anyway but we might as well have them travel to a city that isn’t expensive as hell, right?? money’s an issue for everyone and people need to be considerate. i hope your girl comes around!
edit: my fiance went to vegas once for a bachelor party and he spent probably $1000 for the weekend. not everyone can do that! he can barely do that lol but he made it work. vegas is crazy. but i do wanna go sometime 🙂