Post # 1
Why do people plan such expensive bachelor/bachelorette parties?
Example 1: Darling Husband is groomsman
Drinks, dinners, etc $400? (4 days)
Car rental + gas $250 (4 days)
2 days off from work
Total: $1550 + 2 days from work
Example 2: DH’s Brother (just asked to be Bridesmaid or Best Man – ~4 months from the wedding date)
Flight: $300 red-eye
Tickets to spring training games: $250+?
Drinks, dinners etc. $500?
1 day off from work
Example 3: SIL-to-be
Flight: $900 (Mexico)
Dinner, drinks, etc. $400?
2 days off from work
Total: $1800 + 2 days off
Everyone says it’s a vacation so it’s ok to ask people to do this because they’ll have fun and enjoy themselves. But, it’s a vacation w/o your spouse, so it’s not really ideal to say the least. Nor is it convenient (both bachelor parties are back to back, both weddings are back to back weekends, we’re trying to buy a house), etc. And there’s still the two weddings to pay for + days off for it as well. I decided not to go to the bachelorette but Darling Husband doesn’t feel he can say no to the others or ask them tone it down any so we’re going to be out $3000+ for the two bachelor parties. Then we’ll have wedding flights, hotels, car rentals, and outfits before we get to things like gifts.
When did bachelor/bachelorette parties get so out of hand that it’s ok to ask people to do this?
Post # 3
i totally agree! everything has gotten so out-of-hand lately. i can’t see how people can spend thousands of dollars on engagement parties and bachelor parties and rehersal dinners, plus the wedding. asking people to pay for a party for yourself is outrageous to me.
i actually just got invited to a “bachelorette cruise.” it was like $350 for the cruise, another $350 for the flight to get there, plus who knows how much for extras and time off of work. and i’m not even part of the wedding party!
for my bachelorette party, we are going out to dinner and then to a bar for drinks. my girls won’t have to pay for anything but food and drinks- and i feel like that’s the way it should be!
Post # 4
I’m having a semi-expensive bachelorette party (We’re getting a hotel for 2 nights and going to the Kentucky Derby) but I don’t expect all six of my bridesmaids to shell out lots of money to be there. If they can and want to come awesome. If not, no big deal.
Maybe your husband can go to his brother’s bachelor party and politely decline the other one?
Post # 5
@LedeLady: While it’s a great idea to decline if you don’t want to go (such a simple idea!), he feels obligated to attend simply because he was asked to go and it’s an expectation that the wedding party will attend.
Post # 6
@mrs_brownie: Yes – that’s exactly what we did for my bachelorette! One night out, just dinner + drinks. (It did cost my sister who was Maid/Matron of Honor a hotel night stay, because she lives an hour away and didn’t want to stay at our place because of DH’s cat.)
Post # 7
@kay01: Whoa thats excessive!!!
For my bachelorette the girls organized a pole dancing lesson (with stripper) dinner then games back at a BM’s house, it all cost $95 per person and included all drinks, snacks and transport as well!
Post # 8
I didn’t fully read your post
Post # 9
@kay01: I think he shouldn’t feel bad saying no. Sorry, I just read the rest of your post. When a bride or groom plans something expensive they should discuss it beforehand with their bridal party or other groomsmen. I would never want to put someone in an uncomfortable position. All my friends are single and make around 6 figures so it was a no-brainer for us.
Post # 10
I think it depends on your circle of friends. It is normal in our group to spend 1k-1500 on a bachelor(ette) party weekend getaway amongst our friends. No one does just 1 night outings. But I understand this isn’t the norm for everyone and wasn’t offended when a few of my girlfriends were unable to attend my bachelorette cruise to Mexico.
Post # 11
Yeah, that’s a lot to ask of your friends I think. For my bachelorette we had brunch at one of the bridesmaid’s house, went to a winery for a tour/tasting ($5.00pp), played mini-golf ($8.00pp) and went for dinner and then came back and played board games at home. I’m fairly sure even with treating me they had to contribute less than $50pp.
I think some of these pre-wedding celebrations are getting a little out of hand. That said, Darling Husband did go to Vegas for his, but only with his two best buddies, and they always “mancation” together every year anyway.
Post # 12
@yellowshoe: I agree. We are going to Jamaica for my bachelorette.
Post # 13
I guess that’s my frustration, to think that if you earn a good salary, it’s ok to ask people to spend this kind of money. We make decent salaries, and save a lot for retirement so we can pay for it. But, I’d prefer to put that money towards our own honeymoon (which we haven’t yet taken) or a house or retirement or the kids we’re talking about having at some point, etc… In his circle, yes they have done more expensive bachelor parties such that his was actually pretty inexpensive (weekend, but hosted at a friend’s place so no hotel costs, no tickets, etc) – these are more than others though, from what I understand.
Post # 14
- Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY
That is ridiculous!!! Why wouldn’t you just say no? Fiance and I have declined many outrageous weddings/ bachlorette/bachelor events as we don’t have $2000 eaxtra to drop on each (One was a wedding in Mexico, in JULY, at a $450 a night resort. I’m still not over the audacity of them even inviting us.)
We’d much rather have money in the bank to establish our lives and get out of debt.
Post # 15
I’m not having a bachelorette party. I’m having a bridal shower before I leave CA and then the day before my wedding is a day for just my MoH and me. We’re going to do a movie, massage, lunch, rehearsal, rehearsal dinner and then go to bed.
Post # 16
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
I have to agree that the expectations are getting out of hand. I think there is a “keping up with the Jonses” mentality, and our constant exposure to reality TV where everyone spend money like there is no tomorrow makes it even worse.