(Closed) Explaining to friend I can’t afford dinner dates

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Maybe you should suggest doing dates at home instead?  That way you can still have the bonding but you don’t have to pay for a meal out every week and when you cook at home there will be leftovers.

Post # 4
1566 posts
Bumble bee

I think you should definitely suggest cheaper alternatives to the dinner dates rather than asking her to make them less frequent, since the latter can be easily misconstrued as you not wanting to see her anymore. 

I think your idea of meeting at your house (or maybe taking turns between your house and hers) would be good. Or you could do cheaper outings like lunch or coffee or just drinks. 

Post # 5
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Just tell her what you told the hive. That you and your husband are trying to cut back and while you won’t be able to go out weekly, you would love it if you two could meet up either at your place or her place for your weekly gabfest.


Post # 6
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Why not suggest getting together for a cup of coffee at a coffee shop instead?  That way you can still spend time with her, but you spend a lot less.  It’s not that you can’t afford to spend time with her- spending time is free!  You just can’t afford the meals and drinks.  I would highly recommend not cutting back to once a month to save money, that will come across as pretty hurtful.  Just tell her you have to find a cheaper way to spend time together.

Post # 7
2889 posts
Sugar bee

I think your suggestion of inviting her over for a weekly or bi-weekly dinner/wine evening is a good one. Let her know you really enjoy spending time with her but be honest about cutting back due to upcoming expenses. Could you downgrade dinner to happy hour where you have a cocktail once a week to save $ and still see each other weekly? I have monthly girls night with 4 other girls and we take turns hosting it at one of our apartments (wine and ordering pizza) or we meet up for a movie or a cocktail, never anything fancy but it’s a great way to stay in touch and cost is minimal.

Post # 8
2463 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

if it’s not the time that’s an issue, i agree with the other bees about choosing a less expensive outing. lunch, coffee, drinks, dinner at home, etc…

Post # 10
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Tell her you’re cutting back, but i also know it’s no fun to turn down dinner to the point you miss out with your friend.

You could always do happy hours, split appetizers instead of full dinners, meet for coffee OR dessert, or go out to eat anyways and have a heavy snack before, then just get a side salad at the restaurant. I’ve done that many times.

Post # 11
257 posts
Helper bee

why don’t you guys just grab drinks (coffee or something) instead, you could do that inbetween meals.

Post # 13
2344 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think ejs4y8. Getting together at home may not feel the same, where you can see your pile of laundry and you have to clean up after yourself! Eat dinner before you go and have a drink and a side salad. Let her know you’re cutting back but don’t try to make her feel guilty so its awkward. You can have a drink and a salad or small appetizer for under $10 – that’s cheaper than cooking at home and buying a bottle of wine!

Post # 15
5263 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

@daniellemybelle – yeah, I hate to say it, but I burst out laughing at that! I’ve been to places in the city where a drink alone was about $10, and an appetizer or salad would be another $8-$10, not including tip or tax or anything. 

@MissChapstick – what about going to a place like Intelligentsia or Starbucks that has pastries, bagels, sandwiches, etc, about 1/2 of the time? It would cut down the cost and you could splurge a little more other times. 

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