Extended family meddling in mom's medical issues

posted 2 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
634 posts
Busy bee

You are going to need to get your guardianship and POA paperwork done as quickly as possible. In my area this can be done in one business day. I don’t see any other option. 


Post # 3
8 posts

I’m a social worker that works at a nursing home, so I’ve seen a lot of different family dynamics when a loved one is ill. A couple of things stood out to me…

1. You can’t ethically do a POA if your mom isn’t able to make decisions for herself. If a family member chose to challenge it, it won’t stand up as valid. Guardianship is your only option at this point that is both legal and ethical. 

2. That’s amazing that your brother and SIL are able to take her in! Have you considered a nursing home stay for some rehab? If she has Medicare, they pay for up to 100 days of therapy at a nursing home. The first 20 days are covered at 100% and days 21-100 are covered at 80%. Most secondary insurance policies (Medicare supplements) pay for the 20%. This would also be an option if she has a Medicare replacement policy (known as an advantage plan) or private employer based health coverage. She may have some copays with one of those options, but the therapy she would receive may be really helpful for her recovery. 

3. Because it’s a car accident, the insurance and the claim should cover inpatient rehab in addition to her settlement. We do this a lot more frequently than you’d think. 

4. She’ll get a higher level of therapy going inpatient than outpatient. 

5. I realize this is all a huge challenge. I would encourage you guys to take a step back and meet with a social worker to discuss all of your options. This is all a stressful time and seeking out options for your mom as well as support for you and your family could really help. 



Post # 4
1891 posts
Buzzing bee

I would draw a line in the sand and limit all visitors to those responsible for her care aka you and brother and SIL. Meet with hospital admin to discuss what they are putting in place to address the hippa violation and what steps they are taking to limit access to your mother from visitors not on an approved list. Focus on the legal aspect of getting POA. 

Who cares what the extended family think. 

Post # 5
278 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2018

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this situation. I think communicating clearly to hospital staff is key along with the ofher steps you’re taking. Good luck and best wishes for recovery. 

Post # 6
177 posts
Blushing bee

I hope that you listen very carefully to the advice of the hospital social workers.    I work in healthcare and your mom sounds very medically fragile.    My honest thoughts are she needs to be in rehab.   Not just with someone who has taken a few classes in healthcare.   Even if they are in nursing school, they are not experienced.  Rehabs have doctors, nurses, aides, physical and occupational therapy, therapy and a pharmacy.    


 If she has MCR the 100 days described above would do her a world of good.    Even if she had to use a settlement to pay for medical care, how old is she?   She can’t take it with her and if it is used to make her life more comfortable while she is recovering..isn’t tht the most important thing.     

This is a tragedy that happned to her, no one should treat it like a financial windfall.  (not saying that you are, just concerned that you focused so much on settlement)   


Good luck, it sounds like you love your mom very much and want to do whats best for her.

Post # 7
7731 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Thank you for listing all of this! I was going to comment to this effect but you laid it all out so clearly! mnb19 :  

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