(Closed) Extended mother and mother on law stays after baby comes

posted 6 years ago in Babies
Post # 17
Member
358 posts
Helper bee

I think and expect family to come and stay for at least a week or two as we will most likely have the first grandchild and on SOs side, possibly the only grandchild, and I am excited that close family will be around to celebrate and help out whrn the time comes, but a few months is way too long

Post # 18
Member
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

my mother lives on the west coast and i on the east coast. she will come when the baby is a newborn for 6 days just because she wants to see it.  then she will come again when my 12 weeks FMLA is up and stay for a month, and she will watch the baby while i work part-time.

Post # 19
Member
1401 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

My parents are staying with us for a month when the twins are born, but 1) we invited them for that length of time and 2) they live a 17 hour plane ride away. My mum’s way of showing love is doing practical stuff like cooking and cleaning, so she and my dad are planning to roll up their sleeves and help keep life running for us (food shopping, cooking, laundry, cleaning toilets, etc) whilst we survive with our babies. They want us to be able to enjoy the children without having to worry about the faffy bits of life. Seems like a pretty good deal to us! I’d probably feel differently, though, if their idea of helping was to hold and cuddle my new babies whilst I did all the cooking and cleaning. 🙁

A few months does seem like a long time, though, especially for two women who probably have different opinions on how to parent! Can they come separately? How big is your house? We’ve only got a 2 bed flat, so it would be a bit of a nightmare for us.

Post # 20
Member
1760 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

First how comfortable are you with both your mom & mil? You are going to feel pretty miserable after you have the baby. And if your planning on breast feeding you need to be comfortable enough to pull out your boobs whenever and wherever in front of them so you get the hang of bf’ing. I am not comfortable with my mil so they aren’t over a lot and are kept to a separate part of the house when I’m feeding my baby. My mom stayed with us for a few days after the birth but then has been back every 3-4 days after to help out, give me a break, and get her grandbaby time in. She lives an hour away but if it was further away she probably would have spent weeks with us. 

We’ve also found out that both of our parents anot obviously not up to date on things ‘needed’ to raise a baby. My mom has adapted to our ways (no microwaving bottles, sleep sacks, sleep on back not stomach… All things that have changed since she had me). My inlaws read up and asked their grandparent friends about things. So it was frustrating being exhausted and trying to explain why we were putting him in “a baby straight jacket” (swaddle sleep sack) lol. 

I guess I’m just trying to say, as long as your comfortable with them seeing you covered in breastmilk and other random bodily fluids, and they will jump in and clean, cook, do laundry then great have them over. Maybe at 2 separate times (1 month for mom and 1 for mil) if possible. They might butt heads over how to do things, or mil might feel slighted that mom is there. 

Post # 21
Member
3081 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I wouldnt mind my mom staying. ill probably have her in the delivery room, not sold on my Mother-In-Law though lol

Post # 22
Member
858 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

@lollypop:

Honestly my fiance wouldn’t want his mom staying more than me.  He loves her but she’s very picky about how things work and my fiance is lazy.  I think you should both agree to tell no to your own moms or both tell them together at once. 

Post # 23
Member
1963 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I wouldn’t mind if my Mother-In-Law came and stayed for a few weeks to a month. We are close to her, we will probably want her in L&D and I can’t think of a more helpful person to have around. 

Post # 24
Member
11231 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Ummmmmmmmmmmm…pass.

I love my FMILs, but no. They live in the same town we do, but I do NOT like or need people up in my house, especially not immediately after I’ve given birth. 

Post # 25
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I would love for my mother or mother-in-law to stay for a few weeks, but a few months would be way too long.

My mother and I are super close so I know she will want to come stay. My mother-in-law knows a lot about babies because she raised 3 and she works in an obgyn office so I think she will be a big help.

Post # 27
Member
427 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Wow, a few months, that is a long time.  I am struggling with the fact that my Mother-In-Law wants to stay for a week with us right after the baby is born.  We are not close at all and the whole idea makes me uncomfortable, we also live in an apartment.  Not sure how I’m going to settle the issue yet, but I have some time to go before I need to.

Post # 28
Member
4655 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Noooo waaaaay. I’m a private person, and I’m a little… weird.. when it’s just me or me and FH. If I never got to be “home me” (because someone else was living with us) I’d be miserable. I’d never want to have a guest for more than a week or so unless it was someone I was VERY comfortable with and didn’t feel the need to impress or be normal around. (As in… no inlaws except maybe one Future Sister-In-Law who totally gets me haha.) 

And I don’t want my mom seeing how I live haha. I’m not a hoarder or gross or anything but her house is always so clean and nice and ADULT and mine is… well my threshold of disorganization is a little closer to college student than martha stewart.

Maybe, maybe if we had a lot more space AND I didn’t have to work at the time or something, but otherwise no way.

Post # 29
Member
2775 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

A few months?  Hell no.

My mom offered to come up and stay for a week or two to help out, and we politely turned her down.  She actually would have been helpful (meaning, she would have been willing to help with cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.) but it was important to me that the 3 of us had time to bond and that my husband and I had the mental and physical space to develop our own routine.

Post # 30
Member
2192 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@lollypop:  I agree with PP that said reserve the time immediatly after birth for you, Darling Husband and the baby to bond.  That time is really DH’s time to step up and be a dad.  The baby will be sleeping 90% of the time anyways and there will really not be much to do that dad can’t take care of.  Plus you need this time to figure out your parenting. Nothing worse than being told what to do or your doing it wrong because its something they didn’t do with “their kids.”

A better time for them to come visit is the 4-6 month window when baby is more active and responsive.  AND you’ll know how to take care of them best so the wayward advice can go unnoticed. ;0

But definitely not for a month or even a week!  I would say keep it at a weekend.

Post # 31
Member
3229 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Ask your own mother to come stay for a week and your mother in law to come the second week.  But after that you need a chance to raise and bond with your on baby…with the training wheels removed.  They should understand.

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