(Closed) Extending open invitation to the after party… but not to the wedding/reception

posted 7 years ago in Parties
  • poll: Afterparty?
    I'd DEFINITELY go to the after party even if I wasn't invited! No worries here. Sounds fun! : (19 votes)
    26 %
    I'd go to the party but would feel a little slighted about not being invited to the wedding : (15 votes)
    21 %
    Hell no, if I'm not invited to the wedding I'm not going to the stupid after party : (32 votes)
    44 %
    I like ponies. : (6 votes)
    8 %
  • Post # 3
    3525 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    I would not be happy about not being invited to the reception itself–it seems like a tiered reception, which is kind of a no-no and could lead to a lot of hurt feelings. But I think if you word it very carefully, it could work…idk, I’m kind of torn on this one.

    Post # 4
    5273 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2009

    Ehhh, I think it is def on the weird side. I would feel pretty awkward (not pissed, but just weird) if a friend of mine invited me to an afterparty, but not to the actual wedding/reception.

    Post # 6
    4771 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    the poll depends on my relationship with you.  Do I consider you to be a close friend? Then I’d feel pretty aweful.

    If I was your friend and kinda close I may feel a little slighted, especially if it wasn’t just a family thing.

    If I was your aquaintance and we had mutual friends I’d totally go and be glad I was invited

    I want a pony.

    Post # 7
    4511 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I’m torn, too. 

    I voted “I like ponies” because 1) I do love ponies, and 2) none of the other options quite reflect how I think I’d feel.

    If I considered myself your friend, then yes, I’d be hurt not to be invited to the wedding itself and might not go to the after party. If I were just an acquaintance and it was clear to me that you were only inviting your absolute nearest and dearest to the wedding & reception, then, sure, I might go to an open bar party. But I wouldn’t go to a lot of effort to attend, and I might not show up at the last minute, because I would feel like it was just another huge open bar party. 


    Post # 8
    2161 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    Around here, it’s custom to open the dance up to co-workers, friends and others who didn’t attend the wedding.   We had a ton of people show up to the dance, and it was expected to invite our co-workers, DH’s colunteer Fire Dept buddies, etc…   Many of them even brought cards and gifts.

    I usually hate giving up a whole day for a wedding, so I would definitely go to a dance.

    Post # 9
    2398 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    I wouldn’t be offended, but it would rub me the wrong way.

    Post # 10
    60 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I went to a wedding last year where family and bridesmaids/groomsmen were invited to the ceremony, they had lunch, later on 30 people were invited to dinner (this is where I joined in) and the evening was open-invite, they just hired out a pub. It worked really well, I don’t think anyone was offended about not being invited to the earlier parts. They did have it on a Friday in central London, though, so a lot of people just came after work for drinks. 

    I imagine, however, that if your guestlist for the ceremony and reception was hundreds of people there’s more potential for offending the people who didn’t make the cut. We’ll be having about 60 people for the ceremony and reception then inviting anyone else we know who’s local to come down in the evening ‘for a drink’ which I think we’ll explain by just saying we can’t afford to feed everyone we’ve ever met. 



    Post # 11
    192 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I think a lot depends on who the people are that are being invited to only this after party, and not the wedding itself. Are they more casual/going out only sorts of friends? Co-workers? If thats the case, then I think its fine to let them know that you are going out, and they are welcome to join. I think it might also make a difference how large your wedding was – did you invite almost everyone you know to the wedding, and only exclude a few people, or was the wedding itself only a close-friends and family sort of affair? Lots of wiggle room here, but I think that if the circumstances are right, this wouldn’t be a problem.

    Post # 12
    1962 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I don’t think I would be offended if I were a close aquaintance or maybe a work friend. If you had to narrow down your guest list for the wedding due to finances I think I would understand as well and just be happy that I got to spend any portion of the day with you.


    @Atalanta: I want a pony. <—-  lol. Your list is pretty spot on for me. Even that last part.

    ETA: Just noticed that ponies were an option in the poll. You ladies always find a way to make my day.

    Post # 13
    6394 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I agree with the tiered reactions. If we’re friends, I’m offended. If we’re co-workers, I don’t want to go out after midnight. Okay, that sounds mean, but put that in a chipper voice, and that’s how I meant it to come out. 

    Post # 14
    164 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    That’s a tricky one.  I had to limit our guest list, so some of my not-as-close friends weren’t invited to the wedding, but we invited them to the bachelorette party.  It was our way of telling them we still want to include them (they knew long before our budget/guest list constraints).  Now, the after party…I don’t know.  If I were them I would feel weird, and unsure if I was supposed to bring a gift.  I would say no to stay on the safe side.  Of maybe if you have a Maid/Matron of Honor or someone who is friends with them, have them scope out the situation.

    Post # 15
    4336 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I was invited to a just the “dessert/dancing” portion of a wedding reception once, and yeah, it was pretty crappy to feel like a 2nd-class citizen!

    Post # 16
    752 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Hmm…i was invited to one also at a piano bar.  The facebook invite mentioned bringing $$ to tip the piano folks and to pay for parking.  It felt so casual, i didnt go.  I was also a little annoyed with “bring $$!!”. 

    I think your friend was able to get away with her shindig because she paid for the open bar.  I’d be inclined to say no to the tiered reception unless you are really offering the guests something to enjoy there and the primary reception is very small.

    I do think it’s ok to let folks know you are going to go to a particular place to “keep the party going” after the reception but i dont know about sending out an official invite.

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