(Closed) extra guests for our guests – do we invite the “babysitter?”

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
414 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

i thought about this too – i have relatives who traveled w/ their in-law and i initially felt obligated to treat/invite the in-law (who are not “my” relatives, it’s cousin’s husband’s parents, for example)

then i decided not to invite them:

1. they probably don’t want to be invited and dress up/mingle with random strangers

2. they can’t come empty handed, and will have to bring a gift (in our region it is minimum of $100/person) so it’ll be extra expense for the distant relative

3. they made a family vataion out of it, i’m only taking their child for 1 dinner, not a big deal

i would say dont feel obligated to invite them. they probalby would rather not be invited b/c they’ll have to give you a gift.

Post # 4
3049 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

My sis-in-law (brother’s wife) is bringing her mother for our wedding. She is due at the end of May and our wedding is July 16th. Needless to say, she needs to bring her baby to our wedding (she lives in Texas) but does NOT want anyone off the street watching her. Anyway, I’m not inviting her mom to the wedding through invitations or save-the-dates. I’m just letting her get the information from my sis-in-law. I’m leaving it up to her if she wants to come to the wedding, or stay in their hotel to watch the baby. I don’t mind either one, and food won’t be a problem.

Don’t feel obligated to invite them to your wedding. They are bringing babysitters for a reason, to watch their kids, not enjoy a wedding. If you want to give them the option to come, please do, but it doesn’t have to be formal. And consider if you want their kids running around at your wedding if you invite the mothers too.

Post # 5
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I don’t think you should feel obligated to invite the babysitters.  I imagine they were planning to stay back with kids anyways, right?

Post # 6
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I agree with PPs, I wouldn’t feel obligated to invite the babysitters. I would figure that if a couple or a parent were bringing with one of the grandparents to watch the children they would be staying in the hotel with the kids and the kids wouldn’t be attending. I don’t think you need to invite the grandparents to the wedding/reception, but I’d want to know if they planned on coming for seating and plate count – probably a phone conversation with the invited guests would take care of what the plan is for grandma & the kids. 

Post # 7
6351 posts
Bee Keeper

How could they watch the kids during the wedding if you invite them?

Post # 8
46415 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Were you inviting the children to the wedding?

If the purpose of the mom coming out is to look after the children, then I’m guessing she will  be staying at the hotel, with the children.

I wouldn’t feel obligated to invite her to the wedding.


Post # 9
620 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@SoontobeMrsA: Im glad I wasnt the only one thinking this.

I thought the whole point for the “baby sitter” coming was to watch the kid/s while your wedding was on. They would have to get another baby sitter if you invite the one they bring?


Post # 12
875 posts
Busy bee

I think it makes sense to let them know that you would be delighted to have them at the wedding and dinner if you are hosting a family friendly event.  I have dear friends who married while I was still in high school.  The best man and a bridesmaid had a preschool aged son who was a welcome guest at the wedding ceremony and the celebration to follow, but they decided to bring a teenaged cousin to the event to be able to take him back to the room when it got too late for the little one to enjoy being there…  (I was closer in age to the cousin, so I remember it… in part because as a teenaged guest… they could have asked me to watch him… but then I would have missed out on the party, and since I was an honored guest… they didn’t ask me to miss out on the barty!)  Since the preschooler was a special member of the groom’s family, they got the best of both worlds by having babysitter included in the party.  (I don’t think the cost would have been too pricy to include the babysitter at the time… so if you are at the point of a $100 per person event, then I think it would be acceptable to just let your friends know that the cost of the dinner is too pricy to allow you to host the babysitter at the celebration… but you are delighted to have them be a part of the weekend. I’d be sure to let them know that the babysitter is welcome to the smaller events that are bound to be less costly… (like the welcome dinner or Sunday brunch) 

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