Post # 1
I’ve been a lurker around these boards for several months but after some news today wanted to join the community and maybe get some support with something I’m dealing with and Bee’s who may have some insight.
Long story short, I’ve been dating my SO for nearly two years. This past fall we both started grad school and he moved about 5 hours away to start school while I stayed in our “home town.” We get to see each other once or twice a month on the weekends and while distance is an adjustment it hasn’t been too bad. Well SO told me he applied for a scholarship opportunity for his program, which is great as school is expensive, and this would cover tuition and really help with our future/debt etc. as we are planning to marry (he bought the ring a while back and I’m a waiting Bee). The thing is the stipulation to this scholarship, should he recieve it, is that he will have to spend 6 months in Africa and I can’t visit because I will be in a practicum for my grad program in the states. I know we will have skype and all but it just has really got me down that I may not get to see him face to face for six whole months. I know others have gone through way longer periods of seperation and this is nothing compaired to all those Bee’s with SO’s in the military but I just feel so overwhelmed and sad. I guess I get a little bit of seperation anxiety because one minute he is 5 hours away and then continents away. He so deserves this schoarlship and I want him to get it but my question is how do you Bee’s who have been seprated by distance from your SO’s for a time deal with how much you miss them?
Post # 3
That is definitely ‘extra’ long distance! We are currently only 5 hours apart too and we went from living together for 2 years to now being apart for school. I know you’re both already in school right now so it is a bit different, but I really found that I was so overwhelmed with work that I didn’t spend as much time as I thought missing him.
That being said, coming home to an empty apartment when I’m used to coming home to someone can be incredibly lonely. Recently, a bunch of girls in my program have been going out to dinners about once a week. Getting busy, getting involved, meeting new people has helped me spend less time in the house alone. I’m not saying to forget about your SO, but since you will have less time to communicate with him, fill it with new friends and new activites.
Wishing your SO lots of luck with his application, it seems like such an exciting opportunity & could help in your future together!
Post # 4
I know how scary it can be you have to think this is a once in a lifetime opportunity it will make things so much eaiser in the future and trust me if you love him he will be with the wait. I went a year without seeing my Fiance I’m now going another. Really just stay busy find stuff to do with your friends you have to have your own life and enjoy it! Still though make time for him that’s important I wouldn’t trade anything for Skype dates. I wish you the best!
Post # 6
@PinkMagnolias. You bring up an excellent point that school does keep you busy so maybe it won’t be so bad. I think that is why the distance hasn’t been terrible so far, there is barely enough time in the day to get everything done. I too know how it is to go from living together to distance so I really appreciate what you said. I think I just needed to get out of my own head. How much longer do you and your SO have to be long distance? My SO’s program is 2 years and he will finish Spring 2013.
Post # 7
Great point about Skype dates! I’m new to Skyping but once I feel more comfortable with it I’m sure I’ll love it. I’m sorry that you and your SO have to be a part for so long but you are right, its always worth the wait for someone you love. 🙂
Post # 8
@StrawberryShortStack: Best thing I can say is just plan for skype dates and maybe send personal photos or maybe a shirt you wore or he wore to trade off? It sounds weird, but it makes me feel good to have something of his. Right now I’m in my longest stretch of not seeing my SO (it’ll be a total of six almost seven months). It drives me batty sometimes, but… I busy myself or drown myself in books. Also, plan dates for movies. Rent a movie nights from afar and then discuss them over skype or on the phone. Good luck to you.
Post # 9
Well, I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years. When we met, we never spent a day apart. Then he finished uni and moved to the other side of the country to live with his parents whilst he got a job. I struggled for a year before being accepted to do a PhD somewhat near him (about 2 hours from his parents’ house). One of the conditions of my PhD was that I spend 18 months living in the jungle on the other side of the world (quite literally… if you drilled a hole all the way through from our house to the other side, you would be almost spot on). We bought a house just before I left. I know he gets lonely by himself. I contact him on Skype whenever the satellite internet works and we have acceptable timings (we are 8 hours apart, time wise). Maybe 2/3 times a week. I have three holidays in that time, and that is only because I have to attend two weddings in Europe. Basically, I keep busy and try not to think about it too much. It’s a great adventure, it will get me a job, and what’s 18 months compared to spending the rest of your lives together?
One of the hard things for me here has been the lack of physical contact, and the inability to speak my own language etc. To compensate, I have adopted loads of feral pets who have very quickly become clingy, fat, purry lap cats. Maybe you should adopt a pet? It really does make it easier (although it is no substitute).
Post # 10
I feel you, I did the whole LDR thing with SO soon after we began dating. It was due to school and we were a 7 hour plane ride away while I was in Hawaii. It went on for two years, we only got to see each other in person over Christmas and Summer vacations. It was hard, the price of airfare made it impossible to for us to get any more time together until I transfered schools to be closer. It was do-able tho, they say distance makes the heart grow fonder. We did ALOT of texting, instant-messging and emailing during that time, the time difference made long phone calls hard. I have a whole file on my computer of saved emails for that period of time. You can get through 6 months, I bet you’ll be so busy with all your grad school stuff the time will just fly by and before you know it he’ll be back. And theres nothing like waking up to sweet messages from your SO every morning letting you know how much he misses you and hopes you have a good day 🙂
Post # 11
Oh, I feel for you sweetie. But I promise, it’s not the end of the world! My fiance and I were in a LOONNNGG distance relationship for 20 months — I was in Australia and he was in the U.S. — and, at one point, we didn’t get to see each other for 7 months. He finally got a visa and moved to be with me in Sydney and it has been wonderful. And you know what? I wouldn’t trade those 20 months of long-distance dating for the world. They taught us to appreciate each and every moment with each other. And even now, after he’s been living with me here in Oz for a year and a half, we still often stop in the middle of some mundane task, like making dinner, and smile at each other. Because we SO appreciate just being able to do simple things together, in person. We’ve never had a single fight and I truly attribute that to the intense gratitude we have at just BEING together. The little annoyances that crop up when you’re together just don’t matter when you compare them to the ache of NOT being together.
As far as advice goes, SKYPE IS YOUR BEST FRIEND! My fiance and I treated Skype dates just as importantly as a “real” date. We each got dressed up (I even put on perfume to make it feel more “real”!), we were both always on time, we’d send each other little gifts in the mail and open them up during the Skype dates, we’d have a glass of wine, etc. And those dates were fantastic! Of course there were some teary moments where we’d literally be hugging the computer screens because we missed each other so much, but we knew it was temporary and we knew we’d make it through. And you can too!
Ignore any idiot who tells you distance is a sure-fire relationship killer. In our case, it brought us so much closer than we would have been had we lived in the same city. It was a blessing in disguise. Good luck with everything — it will be OK!!!
Post # 12
Honestly, don’t feel the need to compare the situation and say “This is nothing compared to military bees… etc”. Missing someone is missing someone, period. (This is coming from a military wife too.) Don’t let anyone guilt you and tell you that you don’t have a right to miss your DB just the same as the next person.
Darling Husband and I were long distance for 2 years. A year of that was me in St Louis and him in Florida and the second year was me in St Louis and him in New Mexico. This summer, it will be me in England and him in the Middle East. You just learn to deal with it.
Skype is a wonderful thing. Have regular skype dates. School really will keep you busy, which will be a good thing for you. Also, keep yourself busy outside of school. If you sit around and dwell on the distance, it’s going to make it much harder on you. I also agree with a PP about keeping something of his! I had a pair of PJ pants, a blanket and a stuffed hippo that I had given him and I kept them with me. Having something tangible there to cuddle when I got really sad really helped me when we first became long distance.
Post # 13
Agreed with Zippylef, missing someone is missing someone, end of story. Fiance and I are both military, but I’m not about to say my situation is worse than anyone elses. We all miss our men and we all have the right to say so.
Anyway, like I said, we’re both military and right now we are 14 hours apart according to our time zones. It’s definitely not easy, I talk to him for about 10 minutes before I go to work (which is when he has just gotten off work) and that’s about it during the week. On the weekends, I wake up early and he stays up late so we have more time to talk. We have Skype dates every week. I write him a letter (via email) every Sunday. It’s kind of nice because counting down the days seems to make it slower (in my opinion) but counting weeks seems a little faster. Every week that I write a letter, I title it with a number. Last night was letter #6. Week 6 out of 52 weeks total?! It seems like it’s going by quickly when you think in terms of ‘we are this many weeks into this’ and eventually, ‘we are only this many weeks away from the end of this’. Fiance sends me random messages on FB while I am at work for me to read when I get back to my room. This isn’t our first rodeo, haha, but it’s definitely the longest (and farthest). Those are just some things that we do to help get through it. Also, like PPs have said, being busy is the biggest help. Whether it’s work, school, hobbies, friends, or family time, it takes your mind off of it. Send each other surprises. Go ‘old school’ with handwritten letters. 6 months seems like a long time, but when it’s over, it’ll be so worth it. And when it’s almost over, you’ll be going crazy with excitement and that will carry you through the last few days.
‘The longer the waiting, the sweeter the kiss.’
Post # 14
I haven’t read all of the responses, but I wanted to say that I feel for you, and you can totally get through this!
My Fiance is in the military and we’ve been living in separate countries (he’s in Japan) for 2 years, only seeing each other about every 5 months or so. Is it hard? Totally. Is it worth it? Absolutely!
One great thing about LDRs is it builds and strengthens your relationship in ways you can’t even imagine. You learn to be better communicators; you’ll have conversations about things you’d have never even thought to come up with before when you could enjoy each other’s company face-to-face! You’ll learn to appreciate each other more and how valuable time together is. You’ll find new ways to explore your intimacy. The list goes on and on.
Communication is obviously key. Keeping focused on your own life and goals is key. And ultimately, remember, it isn’t forever, and that first reunion you have when you haven’t seen each other in months? It’s like falling in love all over again. And that first bedroom time is pretty awesome too. 😉
Don’t get down on yourself for thinking it will be hard, because it will be. But you can make it! 🙂
Post # 15
Hello Beautiful Bees!
I am sorry I disappeared, having major computer issues. I appreciate all of the great advice and support!!! The SO and I had a long talk about everything and I feel so much better just knowing that hey, he’ll miss me. He hadn’t really said that but just talked about how excited he was and what a great opportunity this is (All of which I agree with). I guess I just needed to hear, “But I’ll miss you.” So I did and I do feel better, but mainly because of all the love and support from you fabulous ladies. Thanks again. Also we won’t know until February most likely if he is getting the scholarship so I will be a little nervous until then. He truly deserves this award and I do pray he will get it. Hugs and deep gratitude to you all, especially those who are already dealing with long distance and mega long distance!
Post # 16
@StrawberryShortStack: Long distance sucks and when it’s super long distance, it’s even worse! DH and I were long distance between Australia and the US (a 29 hour journey at the best of times and a 16 hour time difference) for the first two years of our relationship. The longest we went without seeing each other was 7 months, the norm was 3 – 4 months. I always laughed a bit when other people would talk about how hard long distance was when they were 2 or 3 hours apart. I used to think I would give my right arm to have that close of a distance!!!
The positive of being apart is that your relationship gets much stronger. Your entire relationship will be built entirely upon communication and it takes a lot of work. Darling Husband and I have been together for 3.5 years now and I feel our relationship is much stronger and deeper than relationships of others I know who have been together for far longer. When you’re apart, you’re forced to actually communicate in a meaningful manner with each other; you cherish the time you have together and it really makes you appreciate everything you have once you’re together again.
Skype is a wonderful thing. With my work schedule and DH’s schedule, we were only able to Skype on weekends, but we had brief chats (about 20 – 30 minutes) most nights during the week on the phone and sent emails daily. It made me cherish our skype conversations even more.
Bottom line – long distance is really hard but if your relationship is true, you will come through it and be a stronger couple for it. Good luck!