(Closed) Extra long engagement due to PhD . . . bummed

posted 6 years ago in College
Post # 3
2465 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

hmm, I’m married and getting a phd, and in my field, it’s very common to get funding from the phd program itself (my fellowship includes tuition, health insurance, and a stipend, plus a housing subsidy if i lived in graduate housing), which is not contingent on marital status or even financial need at all. Is it a possibility that when you get an offer, you’ll also get a new fellowship that will be less stringent?

Post # 5
1598 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Congrats on your engagement and working on your Ph.D.! 

I think this is a totally understandable/logical reason to have a long engagement. My engagement will total 33 months, and although school wasn’t the issue, money and family issues were.

We got a lot of flack for this at first, and I was jealous of friends who planned their weddings in 6-12 months, but then I just got used to being engaged and things moving slowly.

Instead of feeling bummed, try to focus on these positives that I’ve discovered during our long engagement:

* TIME — This may be obvious, but having so much time makes it so much less stressful. You aren’t being rushed to make decisions and it makes things easier on your wallet. Plus, if you get overwhelmed with invitations,  photographers, favors, music, etc., you have time to take a break, clear your head, and then jump back in a few days or weeks later.

* MONEY — some vendors will give you a discount if you book super early. Or you may be able to book a vendor before their prices go up the following year. Plus, you can make small payments over a matter of months instead of having dozens of giant costs, like, the month before you get married.

* NOTHING “LAST MINUTE” — okay, there will probably always be something “last minute” with every wedding, but with a 33 month engagement, “last minute” to me means … 2 months beforehand. lol

* You won’t be pressured into making a decision on a dress, colors, cake, or music simply because “OMG the wedding is in X amount of days and I HAVE to make a decision or it won’t ever happen.” With so much time, you can be sure of your choices and you won’t regret them 10 years from now.

And the best thing for me about having a long engagement has been simply being able to ENJOY the entire experience. SO many of my friends have said that they loved planning and being engaged so much but wished it could have lasted longer because it all flies by so fast. Trust me, when we first set a date I felt like 2+ years was going to be agonizing. But now that we’re 10 months away, I’m like holy crap at this time next year I’ll be married! It will go by so fast anyway, especially since you’ve got so much going on with school and work!

Congrats again!























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