Post # 1
So my wedding is in 73 days and I’m feeling so down. My mom passed away 9 years ago, and it breaks my heart that she isn’t here with me through all of this. It makes me not want to do anything- for example I finally make made my apt for fitting and I don’t even have shoes! I just feel like it would be more fun and easier if she was here. I feel like my heart is broken in pieces. As the wedding is getting closer it’s getting harder. I’m trying to deal with it because I know there is nothing I can do about it. And I have a ton of family that love and support me, it’s just not the same. I just needed to vent because I’m always acting all excited like nothing is wrong and it’s really starting to wear on me. End rant.
Post # 3
I was running a few weeks ago and I was thinking about how stressed I’ve been and I was listening to a particularly emotional song (Perth by Bon Iver) and just started bawling while I was crying because I realized that my grandmother who had passed away 10 years ago wouldn’t be present. Shit, just made me cry again. *sigh* The thing is, we should be trying to make an event (and bride) that they would be proud of, right? That’s what I keep telling myself anyway. *hug*
Post # 4
((HUGS)) I lost both my mom and my beloved grandmother many years ago and it’s still not easy.
Post # 5
@soon2beMRSgq: Sending you a big hug!
My Mom is battling CHF, MS and Breast Cancer ATM and I am TERRIFIED that she won’t be well for our wedding or be around to help me raise my future babies. That alone makes me feel awful, so I can’t imagine how you are feeling.
I’m sure your Mom will be watching over you on your big day and that she would be very proud of you for being such a strong person!
Post # 6
I am sorry you are feeling sad. Perhaps a cute kitten photo will help?
Post # 7
@soon2beMRSgq: @WillyNilly: maybe not in body, but i’m sure they will be there and they will be very proud.
Post # 8
You need to talk to someone you’re close to about this. I think that might really help you. I think it’s only natural to feel this way… weddings bring out a lot of emotion. Maybe try to incorporate touches of your mom into the wedding and it might feel like she is more present?
I’m not a huge promoter of things like counselling, but maybe talking to a professional about this might also help a bit? At the very least you could vent. My employer has a program that is included as part of our benefits that offers a program like that where we can see counsellors if need be.
Also… I know that it’s important to enjoy your wedding, but try to put less pressure on yourself – after all, it is only one day. You’re going to be married to the man you love. Before you know it, all this will be over.. keep that in mind.
Post # 10
@mypinkshoes: Love that thought! I feel that way, too, that they’re smiling upon us.
Post # 11
Thanks everyone. It feels good to know I am not alone.
@iliketea: aww I keep tellling Fiance we need a kitty!
@mypinkshoes: Thanks, it’s very true I just need to keep reminding myself.
@canarydiamond: I’ve mentioned it to Maid/Matron of Honor, although there is nothing she can do. Which she reminded me of when I said something, which just made me feel like an ass. I am in therapy and have been for a while now. I’m going to get a memorial locket with her photo to attach my bouquet. I’m also planning on getting her emerald reset in white gold so I can wear it. (It’s yellow gold which I don’t personally care for) FI offered to do this hopefully to help me feel more at peace.
Post # 12
@soon2beMRSgq: Weddings do surface all the emotions – both good and bad. It is only natural to be thinking of your Mom at this time.
Would she want you to be depressed and down at this time in your life? I am sure she would not. She would want you to enjoy every minute of the planning, the wedding, and most importantly the marriage.
In your mother’s honor, savor every moment. When you are choosing shoes- think of what your Mom’s reaction would be. Would she squeel with delight or would she wonder how you could walk on those heels?
Keep her in your heart but don’t let your heart ache. She wouldn’t want that for you.
Post # 13
^ Ya, if she’s anything like my mom, she will hate any pair I liked, it was like an inside joke. I hope you find the fun in the process soon! 🙂
Post # 14
Aww I’m so sorry – my mom also doesn’t live in the same city as me and I feel so bad everytime I have to buy something and she’s not here…but maybe u cld find ways to include her? Do u have anything she wore on her wedding day? It sounds like u already have some of her nice things to wear, but u could also ask your priest (if u are using one) to say a prayer for her during the ceremony (we’re doing this for my FI’s mom who’s also unfort passed away), or if u have a celebrant maybe light a candle for her?
I’ve also heard ppl putting photos of their parents’ wedding or old photos of ppl passed away at their reception somewhere (like next to the cake). U cld also put her name on your wedding invitation, include a favorite poem of hers into your service, put some of her favorite flowers in your bouquet or as decorations, keep a place card w her name for her, and mention her in the toasts. In any case, she will def b there in spirit and so proud of u! 🙂 *hug*
Post # 15
Oh, I wanted to also say: I’m puting my wedding bouquet at my MIL’s grave for her. Maybe u cld do that too, or put it somewhere meaningful for your mom!