- 10 years ago
- Wedding: September 2012
Sorry this is long, but I could use some advice!
My friend X and I were unseperable best friends all through middle school and high school. At the end of high school and through college she changed quite a bit and became very self-centered and malicious – very flakey. We became a little bit less close over time and got into a blow out fight when we were 20…we didn’t talk to each other again until we were 22. Since then she moved into New York city (I live out east on Long Island). We see each other rarely and speak on the phone, maybe once every two months or so at best. She’s basically lost the few friends who she did have from home. Most of my other friends don’t care for her all that much. I have other friends who I am much closer with now and see/speak to very regularly, as well as a SIL that I am very close with.
I got engaged on Friday April 1st. I spoke on the phone with friend X that day, she was very excited and told me that she would be on the first train the next morning to come see me. I told her that my fiance and I had dinner plans for Saturday night at friend Y’s house so I couldn’t hang out with her all day. I went out to lunch and drinks with my fiance on Saturday day and friend X told us to stay where we were, that she was on the train and was coming to meet us. We stayed where we were for 4 hours, she then texted me telling me she wasn’t going to make it but as soon as we get out of dinner to call her and she’ll meet us at hour house. we got back to our house that night late (around midnight) and we were exhausted from the excitement of the weekend. Friend X met us with a very nice, thoughtful, borderline over-the-top gift. We sat and chatted for quite a long time. She was talking and talking and suddenly, very quickly, added to the end of what she was saying “…….because I’m your mah, right?”. I nodded my head but not knowing what the heck she was talking about. It took me a few mins to process mah…was it MOH? ahd in Maid of Honor?? Did she really just assume that she was my Maid of Honor and slip it in her sentence? She left at about 3am. I asked my fiance the next morning if he picked up on that and he said that he didn’t hear her say it, so then I thought maybe I was just tired it misunderstood. I left it at that.
Two days ago she texted me asking if I had any thoughts for what I want for a bachelorette party. (Mind you, I only just got engaged, we haven’t even set a date yet or found a venue). I said that I hadn’t really thought about it but my friends Y and my SIL were throwing around some very preliminary ideas (trying to give her a hint that I do have other friends involved in the wedding). She told me that it is very important to start picking my bridal party early because she wants to be THE BEST MAID OF HONOR that she can be for me and start making fun plans. Well, nice of her that she wants to make fun plans but…WTF?? I never asked her to be my maid of honor. When I told her that I had yet to pick my bridal party or my maid of honor she threw it in my face that we “discussed” it the night she came over to the house. I explained what had happend..that she said it very fast, abbreviated it, I didnt know what she was talking about and just politely nodded …that it was a miscommunication. She then told me that we have been best friends for 14 years and we always spoke about being each others maid of honors. (yeah, when we were like 12!) and she assumed that she would be my maid of honor. I do know that when I do decide on a Maid/Matron of Honor it will be either friend Y or my SIL..I have to decide between friend or family…but I do know that it won’t be friend X.
I then find out that she has talked to my friends and told people that she is my maid of honor.
Seriously, what the hell? I don’t even have bridesmaids yet, I have no venue, no date, no idea what dress I want…why am I dealing with bridesmaid/MOH drama?? I just think it is so rude for anyone to assume that they will be a Maid/Matron of Honor without being formally asked.
How would you ladies deal with this type of situation??