(Closed) Extremely aggravated! Venting…

posted 6 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
8453 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

*HUGS*  It sounds like his little bro is a bit irresponsible, but it’s probably best left as a family matter.  I’d calmly voice your opinion about it to your Fiance, but it’s really something between the two of them, and their parents (who are obviously enabling the brother if they’re paying all his bills).  Hopefully he’ll grow up and realize he shouldn’t be asking his brother for anything, especially when you guys are trying to save for a wedding.  Best of luck and a speedy recovery to your Fiance.

Post # 4
Member
663 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017 - Vegas Wedings

I wouldn’t like this response if I was in your shoes, but honestly, that isnt your money so you shouldn’t have any say over how it is spent… Ideally he would discuss these sort of things with you but isnt under any obligation to :/ And if it truly wont affect your wedding funds… you doubly have no right to get upset with him.

All that being said, I TOTALLY understand why you are upset. I would be too. But we wouldn’t have a RIGHT to get upset with our FIs, ya know?

On a different note, I might bring up boundary issues with your Fiance. It sounds like him and his brother dont have a good set of boundaries which may become an issue between you & Fiance in the future.

Post # 5
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@Beijocanaboca:  Totally understand your aggravation, and yeah, the younger brother has some nerve.

I think though that you need to discuss this with your Fiance in a nice, non-accusatory way. $50 isn’t much in the grand scheme of things, but imagine if younger bro needs $5,000 in a few years time. How would that work? Would he consult you then?

Is this a one-off or have you noticed your Fiance doing other silly things with money? Has he reduced what he spends in general to compensate for being out of work?

I am asking these things because the big picture is important. Finances can make or break a marriage. Is he itching to get back to work or sorta ok with the situation? I know it isn’t his fault, but he should be doing what he can to make the financial burden less on you. It’s possible he gave that $50 as a knee-jerk reaction without really thinking it through.

As far as work from home jobs, maybe he could be a telemarketer? I think they can work from home. Can he do some paperwork for his family’s business?

It kinda worries me how he has no unemployment insurance or anything. Maybe he needs to re-think working for the family unless he can be treated like a real worker (I am just speculating here, not sure how it all works in the States, I live in Canada).

 

Post # 7
Member
663 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017 - Vegas Wedings

@Beijocanaboca: If he views the money as belonging to both of you it was VERY wrong to lend some out without you OKing it. It isnt HIS money to do with as he pleases unless you 2 have some sort agreement. Some couples agree that any purchase under X can be done without talking to their partner. If you 2 dont have that he just in essence gave some or your hard earned money to his brother. Also, as we all know, when you “lend” money to family you should assume it is a gift and never expect to see it again.

Post # 8
Member
620 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Yeah, I would be upset too. I don’t think he’s in a position to lend money right now, and a CD player for his brother isn’t an emergency that couldn’t wait. Even if the money wasn’t saved for the wedding, as he said, I’m guessing it can be considered part of your “emergency” fund, since he has no income right now.

Hope he recovers soon. Best wishes to you!

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