Post # 1
- Wedding: September 2020 - Farm
To preface this, I’ve been living with anxiety for as long as I can remember and depression since senior year of high school. I’m now 20 and living with my fiancé
I’ve been with my fiancé for a little over 2 1/2 years and he just proposed to me on Christmas!!! I was so excited in the moment and cried and sobbed while my family cried and sobbed, filming the whole thing. My boyfriend had given me my dream proposal, just like I had mentioned long before we had ever dreamed of getting married. A few days later, I had an extreme panic attack about it all while at his family’s side get together. I felt as if I was regretting the whole thing and my mind was sent into panic mode because “I shouldn’t feel like this. My proposal was perfect and I love him. Right?” I had plaguing thoughts of “why do I feel this way? Why do I feel like I love him less?” And when we got back to town where we live, I instantly became jealous of our single friends. But I have no reason to be. My fiancé is perfect for me and understands me like no one else. And recently I’ve been having more panic attacks about it all and I don’t like thinking like this, which causing more panic. I love him so much and I don’t know what wrong with me. Have any of you guys experienced this?
Post # 2
- Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL
Are you medicated for your anxiety and depression? Are you in therapy?
Post # 3
- Wedding: September 2020 - Farm
yes. We actually both take zoloft
Post # 4
I think it’s perfectly normal to have anxious thoughts after an engagement, it’s a big commitment and it’s much more than just dating or being in a relationship, you’re now heading towards something more (hopefully) permanent in your future.
Obviously coupled with your anxiety then it multiplies those thoughts hence your panic attacks. Go back to your therapist and talk it through with them. Hopefully that helps.
Post # 5
- Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL
Maybe it’s time to reach out to your doctor and see about titrating your dosage, as it seems to not really be doing it’s job?
Otherwise, do you love him and did you want to get engaged/married? Do you think this is just your anxiety’s new target to worry about, or are there serious underlying issues that the engagement has brought out?
If it’s just a new target for your anxiety, look into cognitive behavioural therapy.
Post # 6
You need a psychiatrist if you dont already have one. We cant help you here and medicine isnt a huge help forever unless its followed up with counseling. I say this as someone who suffers from mental illness. And I’m not a specialist so dont self-diagnose but the intrusive thoughts that you know you wouldn’t think if you were normal could be more than depression and anxiety. Depression and anxiety are often symptoms of other mental illnesses.
Post # 7
I too suffer from anxiety, and I definitely experienced this. You should look up Sheryl Paul, and her website “concious transitions”. She goes into detail about this exact fear and it helped me so incredibly much.
Post # 8
I’m sorry you’re going through this, Bee. Are you seeing a therapist? CBT might be helpful for you.
It’s certainly understandable that such a major life change, even a good one, would trigger anxiety.
Post # 9
- Wedding: October 2019 - City, State
I have anxiety and what made me anxious pre- and post-engagement was the thought of wedding planning. I still have moments where I become anxious over the guest list, trying to make things perfect (very Type A over here), and wanting to just elope at the end of the day so we can save money and just focus on each other instead of all these details. But then I realize I’m fixating on things that really aren’t a big deal, and I feel better once I step back, take a breath, and check myself. I’m not sure if you’re thinking more about not being single, second-guessing the relationship itself, or looking for something to worry about, so I do agree with PPs that you should find a safe space to talk through your emotions and see if you can unpack why you’re feeling this way. Honestly, please just make sure you’re listening to yourself. You feel like this for a reason, you just need to find out what that reason is.
Post # 10
Definitely talk to your therapist. If your fiance is on Zoloft as well, is it reasonable to suggest that you talk to him about your feelings, too? Is it possible he’s feeling the same way? An engagement is an exciting time for sure, but it’s also a terribly anxiety-inducing waiting period between how your life was and how it’ll be for the rest of your life. It’s like a limbo and that can be terrifying (it is for me!).
Talk to your therapist.
Talk to your fiance. Maybe not the “jealous of single friends” and “feel like I love him less” part, but the “Wow, I’m feeling so much anxiety about this. I love you and I’m excited to marry you, but I’m also so anxious about all of it.”
Also, don’t feel like you have to immediately start planning the wedding. Take a while to adjust to being engaged before you throw yourself into wedding planning. Just because you’re engaged doesn’t mean everything has to change right away! There’s no rush! Just BE. (Says the girl who can never just be )
Post # 11
I see it from a different perspective. Maybe it has nothing to do with your medication or your anxiety disorder. Rather, you might be feeling panicky about this because you’re just not ready to get married yet? It doesn’t mean you don’t love your boyfriend and it doesn’t mean you’re not right for each other. But you’re only 20. That’s very young to be engaged; maybe you’re just feeling too young for this and not quite ready to rush into a lifelong commitment when you’ve barely had a chance to experience life as an independent adult. There’s no way I would have been ready to get engaged at 20, no matter how much I loved the guy. I think feeling anxious about getting married at your age is perfectly reasonable. People change a lot in their 20’s. That’s why most people don’t end up marrying their high school sweetheart. Even if you do end up marrying this guy, you’d probably feel better about it if you wait until you’re a little bit older.
Post # 12
Seconding this. I adore my boyfriend but if he had proposed at 20 I probably would have panicked within hours because holy crap, this is a proposal and I am 20. I was self-aware enough to realize I just wasn’t ‘there’ yet. Could this be a possibility?
Post # 13
You are very young still, maybe the thought of you being with one person for the rest of you life scares you? I got married young as well and remember feeling that way. Married my HS sweetheart but got divorced a few years ago. It was very difficult. But you don’t have to get married tomorrow. You can have a long engagement until you feel better.
I didn’t read all the comments but therapy would be a good idea. I hope you feel better.
Post # 14
I think it sounds like you’re not ready. I’m 39 and I’ve had extreme anxiety disorders my whole life. But I never feel jealous of single friends or the other things you mentioned. It sounds to me like this is more than just your anxiety. I could be wrong of course but that’s my take on it. You are very young and it’s very normal to not be ready at that age!
Post # 15
You’re way young. 2 years fresh out of high school. I know everyone is different but that is just too young for anyone to be getting married unless it’s a third world country type cultural thing. Your brain is not fully developed until you’re 25 and the most important part is the decision making part. That’s why no matter how great things seem, they aren’t reality until you’re really developed and have more adult life experiences. Couple that with diagnosed depression and anxiety and it’s no wonder you’re feeling out of whack. Slow. Down.