Extremely Anxious and Panicky about engagement.

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Hostess
9634 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

Are you medicated for your anxiety and depression? Are you in therapy? 

Post # 4
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I think it’s perfectly normal to have anxious thoughts after an engagement, it’s a big commitment and it’s much more than just dating or being in a relationship, you’re now heading towards something more (hopefully) permanent in your future. 

Obviously coupled with your anxiety then it multiplies those thoughts hence your panic attacks. Go back to your therapist and talk it through with them. Hopefully that helps. 

 

Post # 5
Hostess
9634 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

View original reply
snbird98 :  Maybe it’s time to reach out to your doctor and see about titrating your dosage, as it seems to not really be doing it’s job? 

Otherwise, do you love him and did you want to get engaged/married? Do you think this is just your anxiety’s new target to worry about, or are there serious underlying issues that the engagement has brought out?

If it’s just a new target for your anxiety, look into cognitive behavioural therapy.

Post # 6
Member
257 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
snbird98 :   You need a psychiatrist if you dont already have one.  We cant help you here and medicine isnt a huge help forever unless its followed up with counseling. I say this as someone who suffers from mental illness. And I’m not a specialist so dont self-diagnose but the intrusive thoughts that you know you wouldn’t think if you were normal could be more than depression and anxiety. Depression and anxiety are often symptoms of other mental illnesses. 

Post # 7
Member
42 posts
Newbee

View original reply
snbird98 : I too suffer from anxiety, and I definitely experienced this. You should look up Sheryl Paul, and her website “concious transitions”. She goes into detail about this exact fear and it helped me so incredibly much. 

Post # 8
Member
10100 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
snbird98 :  

I’m sorry you’re going through this, Bee. Are you seeing a therapist? CBT might be helpful for you.

It’s certainly understandable that such a major life change, even a good one, would trigger anxiety.

Post # 9
Member
182 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

I have anxiety and what made me anxious pre- and post-engagement was the thought of wedding planning. I still have moments where I become anxious over the guest list, trying to make things perfect (very Type A over here), and wanting to just elope at the end of the day so we can save money and just focus on each other instead of all these details. But then I realize I’m fixating on things that really aren’t a big deal, and I feel better once I step back, take a breath, and check myself. I’m not sure if you’re thinking more about not being single, second-guessing the relationship itself, or looking for something to worry about, so I do agree with PPs that you should find a safe space to talk through your emotions and see if you can unpack why you’re feeling this way. Honestly, please just make sure you’re listening to yourself. You feel like this for a reason, you just need to find out what that reason is.

Post # 10
Member
93 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Definitely talk to your therapist. If your fiance is on Zoloft as well, is it reasonable to suggest that you talk to him about your feelings, too? Is it possible he’s feeling the same way? An engagement is an exciting time for sure, but it’s also a terribly anxiety-inducing waiting period between how your life was and how it’ll be for the rest of your life. It’s like a limbo and that can be terrifying (it is for me!). 

Talk to your therapist.

Talk to your fiance. Maybe not the “jealous of single friends” and “feel like I love him less” part, but the “Wow, I’m feeling so much anxiety about this. I love you and I’m excited to marry you, but I’m also so anxious about all of it.”

Also, don’t feel like you have to immediately start planning the wedding. Take a while to adjust to being engaged before you throw yourself into wedding planning. Just because you’re engaged doesn’t mean everything has to change right away! There’s no rush! Just BE. (Says the girl who can never just be wink)

Post # 11
Member
578 posts
Busy bee

I see it from a different perspective. Maybe it has nothing to do with your medication or your anxiety disorder. Rather, you might be feeling panicky about this because you’re just not ready to get married yet? It doesn’t mean you don’t love your boyfriend and it doesn’t mean you’re not right for each other. But you’re only 20. That’s very young to be engaged; maybe you’re just feeling too young for this and not quite ready to rush into a lifelong commitment when you’ve barely had a chance to experience life as an independent adult. There’s no way I would have been ready to get engaged at 20, no matter how much I loved the guy. I think feeling anxious about getting married at your age is perfectly reasonable. People change a lot in their 20’s. That’s why most people don’t end up marrying their high school sweetheart. Even if you do end up marrying this guy, you’d probably feel better about it if you wait until you’re a little bit older.

Post # 12
Member
197 posts
Blushing bee

View original reply
cypresstree85 :  Seconding this. I adore my boyfriend but if he had proposed at 20 I probably would have panicked within hours because holy crap, this is a proposal and I am 20. I was self-aware enough to realize I just wasn’t ‘there’ yet. Could this be a possibility?

Post # 13
Member
521 posts
Busy bee

You are very young still, maybe the thought of you being with one person for the rest of you life scares you? I got married young as well and remember feeling that way. Married my HS sweetheart but got divorced a few years ago. It was very difficult. But you don’t have to get married tomorrow. You can have a long engagement until you feel better. 

I didn’t read all the comments but therapy would be a good idea. I hope you feel better. 

Post # 14
Member
748 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

I think it sounds like you’re not ready. I’m 39 and I’ve had extreme anxiety disorders my whole life. But I never feel jealous of single friends or the other things you mentioned. It sounds to me like this is more than just your anxiety. I could be wrong of course but that’s my take on it. You are very young and it’s very normal to not be ready at that age! 

Post # 15
Member
1970 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

You’re way young. 2 years fresh out of high school.  I know everyone is different but that is just too young for anyone to be getting married unless it’s  a third world country type cultural thing. Your brain is not fully developed until you’re 25 and the most important part is the decision making part. That’s why no matter how great things seem, they aren’t reality until you’re really developed and have more adult life experiences. Couple that with diagnosed depression and anxiety and it’s no wonder you’re feeling out of whack. Slow. Down. 

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