- 6 years ago
- Wedding: June 2017
I’ll try to be as short as possible, but my mind has been buzzing all morning! I’m new to this site, but have spent all morning reading posts! I’m trying to figure out where my SOs head is at…first, some (a lot!) of background info:
My SO and I have been together for about 2 yrs 8 mo. I am almost 22, about to graduate from undergrad. My SO is 27, graduated, and has been working for 5 years. He has a very steady income, and just bought a house a year and a half ago! Needless to say, it was hard enough we are at such different points in our lives…but when he bought a house alone, we had a HUGE talk about how it made me feel. I felt like he was moving on even more-so, you know…stretching the distance between the stages of our lives even more. He was very supportive, saying while it’s “his” house, he looks forward to sharing it with me. He wanted to be putting his money into property instead of renting (smart man, silly girlfriend). Well, 8 months after buying the house we got a cat together (stayed with him), and a year after he bought the house (this past summer), when I came back from school I officially moved in with him. I know, stupid!! I regret it entirely…getting the milk for free kind of thing.
However, three weeks after I moved in he came home one day looking all twinkly-eyed. I had no idea what was going on…and he smiled and said “do you want to do something fun together?” I was like “um…okay?” He grinned and said “let’s look at rings together.” !!! I just about died! I knew we were in love, but I was floored he brought it up before me! He had stopped at Zales in the mall and brought home a pamphlet. We both fell madly in love with the Vera Wang love collection, and picked out a perfect 2 CT total weight cushion cut with a halo setting. I was completely in love with it, and him of course. So…a few weeks after we looked at it, I drove an hour and a half to the nearest Zales that had the collection so I could try it on! It looked HIDEOUS on me…I was instantly turned off by it. Naturally, I was crushed and felt I HAD to tell my SO before he bought it (no idea what his timeline was). After telling him, he admitted he was a little upset I snuck around like that, but agreed its better I told him before he made a mistake!
For the next few months after that, I would occasionally send him pictures of very similar rings to the Vera Wang that I had tried on in the store and that I had looooooved how they looked on me. The vera wang just sat too tall…I still liked the halo setting, just changed it a little. Well at first he was fairly receptive to the pictures…not saying much, just getting them and storing them in his mind. I probably only sent him 3-4 rings over a few months time. Then one day, I sent him a link and he went off on me via text. Told me I had to leave this up to him, he didn’t want my input anymore, blah blah. I was a little hurt, but we actually discussed it in person that night and I realized I had to let him make his move, and that I had given him plenty of ideas.
Now…for a timeline!? In the last few months he has been very anti-discussing anything. Once we walked by a Zales and I suggested going to try the VW ring on (so he could see how it wasn’t my style), and he wouldn’t budge one bit. Made some comment about “why, so you can show me the ring you don’t even like?” He also continues to say he wants to wait until I finish grad school…doesn’t like long engagements, whereas I would prefer one. Helloooooo…grad school would have been 4 years from now, and I actually didn’t even get accepted into veterinary school for the fall. So, it will be at least another 5 years, if I even apply again right away and/or even get accepted right away! Sorry to say, I can’t see myself waiting that long for an engagement!
On another note, he’s been so stressed about finances these last 6 months! He is always saying he’s broke…we can’t go do this, can’t do that. Trust me, as a college student I know broke, and there’s no way he’s it! Could this be because he is saving for a ring? Or is he really broke (he kind of overindulges in clothes, going out, etc), and I should expect to be waiting for the next 4, 5, 6 years??
Reasons I think it’s going to be sooner rather than later: avoids subject at all costs (has the ring or at least has it picked out??), has been frugal lately, I’m not going to vet school anytime soon (engagement before I do eventually go?), he just went to Paris for work for a week and has been super lovey-dovey since, we talked about rings 8 months ago?? I spoke to his friend via text today, and he said he would bet his life savings it happens within the year
Reasons it may be later: he is actually broke (not sure how that’s possible, but maybe??), he wants to wait until I’m done school (please no!), avoids subject of rings (feels pressured and is back pedaling L )
I feel like I have been very patient and quiet about the whole subject. Since talking about rings we’ve gone to two weddings together (his cousin and one of his friends), and he went to his best friend’s wedding without me (it was on a cruise and I was in school…talk about painful!!). He moves forward in relationships very slowly though…took 9 months to admit he loves me. I’m just so frustrated…I thought I had my future semi-planned with veterinary school, but now that I was rejected, I have no idea about school, working or my relationship with my SO for that matter. Any suggestions on how to calm down, and any ideas on what the timeline may be???
Btw, you’re an angel if you actually read all my blabbering <3